Silence

Last night I watched a movie with my wife, "A River Runs Through It".  Afterwards, she was tired and went to bed while I sat on the couch reflecting on the themes of the movie.  After a while, she called down and asked me what I was doing.  I responded, "Nothing.  Just sitting here."  It struck me as a little odd.  I wasn't really doing "nothing".  I was reflecting.  I was thinking.

Another piece to the story is that after the movie was over, and before my wife called down, I turned off the DVD player and the TV popped back to regular programming.  A movie was on that I didn't recognize.  Even though I was enjoying the silence and wanted to continue to reflect I was immediately drawn in.  My curiosity was piqued.  It was a few minutes before I realized that I was losing the thoughts, the reflections, and the rest, that I had been entering into just moments before.  It was a real struggle to choose silence with interesting noise so readily available. 

I am so addicted to noise and activity!  I feel strange sitting still.  I know that it is in stillness and silence that I get in tune with my soul and with my God.  So, why do I feel almost guilty when I am doing nothing?  I am nearly always doing something, many times attempting to do multiple things simultaneously.  Busy-ness is familiar and comfortable.  If I find myself between tasks I feel somewhat uneasy and I start to immediately search for the next thing to do; the next activity to engage in, the next media to consume, the next problem to solve.  The problem is that noise is constantly available and even intrudes on our lives unbidden.  The hard part is to choose silence.  Silence seems unnatural.  It is hard to find or create silence, but it is necessary. It is worth pursuing.