Ambushed Again!

On Friday I was skyping with some friends. As we often do, we ended the call by praying for each other. One of the things they prayed for me was that God would fill me up for the up coming week of intense ministry by meeting me in worship. In the last few days, this prayer has been answered many times over, the most recent one was this morning, when God ambushed me again!

Perhaps that needs a little explaining...

When I was a kid, we took great delight on hiding in the house and jumping out at unsuspecting loved ones. Often, particularly with my dad, these childish ambushes were followed with tickles and fun. At any moment, your day could be interrupted by a loving ambush. When you least expected it, someone would jump out at you and you would be thrown into chaos for a moment as your adrenalin kicked in. The intensity of emotion heightening the connection with someone you were not looking for.

One of the really fun things for me in the last few years, has been the way God sneaks up behind me and taps me on the shoulder when I'm not looking. Sometimes it feels really playful, as if He was hiding behind the door with a sly smile on His face, listening to my approaching footsteps, anticipating the look on my face when He jumps out. Other times it is more sedate and deep like suddenly discovering an old friend sitting in your living room and inviting you to sit down and catch up. Still other times, the ambushes are more severe, like suddenly being caught in the act, suddenly knowing that you are caught, guilty, and there is no wiggling out of it.

One of the great joys of my life has been learning what it means to live in what Dallas Willard calls "a God bathed world". The fact is that our world is filled with God. He is available to us every moment. He is actually present everywhere at every moment but we can live our whole lives without being aware of Him. Cultivating sensitivity to Him and creating space in my life to respond to Him takes discipline and intentionality, but it is well worth it. He reveals Himself to those who seek Him.

This morning, He ambushed me as my wife was reading from "Jesus Calling". I'm not really a devotional reader kind of guy, but God totally ambushed me this morning! I am preparing to travel to Asia for a week of intense ministry. I went to bed last night trying to anticipate all that the week would hold and even playing through potential conversations in my head. This mornings reading opened with this line, "Trust me enough to let things happen without striving to predict or control them." I didn't really hear the rest of the reading.

I felt like God had just tapped me on the shoulder. My mind flooded with all the ways I had tried to do exactly that. I was suddenly deliciously aware of His presence and the absurdity of my façade of control, my desire to accurately anticipate the future. Instead, He reminded me that I can and should relax into His presence. I can be present in every moment and be anticipating Him, listening for His approaching footsteps.

I am eager to see what He has in store for me this week. I am eager to live with Him, to walk with Him. With an almost childlike giggling fear, I'm peering around each corner wondering when He will ambush me again.

At Play in the Fields

As I was walking the other day through the fields, I realized again that my dog, Oreo, has become a part of my relationship with God. As we tramp through the fields around our town together, I notice things about her behaviour and occasionally God will nudge me to reflect on how that particular act might reflect something deeper. 

It is such an amazing adventure to live in a God bathed world. The more I realize His actual presence the more the opportunity for connection with Him becomes a reality. I am looking for Him, expecting Him to speak up at any moment. I am slowly learning what it means to actually walk with God; not just follow His principles or obey His Word, but to actually walk with God.

Yesterday, I went on a walk with Oreo and God. They were both with me the whole time, even when I wasn't consciously aware of their presence. On these rambles across the countryside, I generally let my mind wander. I don't keep a tight rein on it, but let it go where it will following the contours of the land and sky or pondering tasks and relationships. 

As I do so, particular items will come into focus and sometimes I turn toward God and start talking with Him about it; asking Him for His perspective, or a solution to a problem, or just sharing my heart about the topic. After talking for a bit, we lapse into a comfortable silence, like an old married couple.

But sometimes God breaks the silence and pipes up with something He wants me to consider. Ideas that are not my own intrude, or something unexpectedly catches my eye and draws my attention, sending me off on a different train of thought or initiating a prayerful dialogue with Him. 

Yesterday, it was the shear joy of the dog. We were walking in the wind and rain through a field of high grass when she just took off. She was leaping and running in wild circles in a sort of ecstatic dance.. She would occasionally come back to check in or just look my direction. The look of wildness and excitement in her face could only be described as joy. She was loving it, the wildness of the weather, the freedom of her body, the stimulation of the environment. She kept looking in my direction as if to say, "Isn't this great! Come run with me!" I smiled and walked on, unhurried, but enjoying her joy.

Then came the nudge...I realized that my birthright as a child of God is that kind of joy and freedom. The fruit of the Spirit is joy! I too can run with reckless abandon, playing in the fields of the Lord, because He is with me. His rod and His staff, they comfort me. 

Because He is with me and will not leave me or abandon me, because His eye is ever fixed on me, I can release my worry and hyper-vigilant self-protection. He is close, He will warn me if danger enters the field. He will call me back from my wild romp if need be. But he also walks on toward the destination that He knows, unhurried but not unmoved. 

He shares in my joy and spurs me on to love and good deeds, to the eternal kind of life that I long for! He knows the end from the beginning and He is working it all out for my good. My only task then is to walk with Him through life, tuning my ear to His voice and remaining open to His direction. All the rest is play in the fields.

Skylarks and Writing

Yesterday I took a long walk through the fields. I spent some of the time praying for people I love and some of it laughing at my dog and her ridiculous enjoyment of her romp.

It was a gusty blustery day. The wind came howling off the water, up and over the cliffs. Sea spray was whisked off the waves and strewn across the meadows near the edge. It was a wild and wonderful day to be out in nature. I was even more alone than usual as most people had sense enough to stay indoors, but I loved it. Drinking in the wildness and the power, I was reminded that this is but a pale reminder of the power of God.

I rarely pause and sit on days like this, but as I came to a place that was partially sheltered from the wind, I decided to sit and take it all in. I found a springy bit of turf and long grass and settled into a little hollow. As I did, I noticed bird song wafting through the air. Over the din of wind and waves, a beautiful song sailing along. A single song from the throat of a creature I couldn't see. I could tell is was coming from far above me. I strained my eyes to find the source.

It took me a bit of searching to locate the tiny bird high in the sky. A single tiny bird struggling to gain altitude and singing his heart out. It was a skylark. He had ventured up into the sky on a violently windy day to sing his song in the hope that a female might be wooed by the beauty of his song and join him in the nest he had made in the meadow below. I watched for nearly 10 minutes as his song varied and changed, repeating themes. All the while his little body was being battered and flung about by the wind; his wings beating furiously, his song unwavering.

Then, suddenly, he dropped from the sky as if he had been shot. He dropped straight down probably 100 meters. Just above the ground his free fall morphed into an elegant swoop and with a flutter, he was gone; back into the nest he had created. His song stilled, his exhaustion complete.

I sat silently marvelling at the scene I hat witnessed. Wondering... Was I the only one who heard his song?  It seemed like a lot of fruitless effort. Such hard work, for what return? He utterly spent himself flinging his song into the universe, pouring all his effort into its creation, only to drop exhausted to the earth.

As I lay there in the grass pondering this, I felt the gentle call to self-reflection and conversation with the Father. I realized that my writing is much like the skylark. I have laboured long and hard to create, to express the song within me. I have striven to put my heart on a page and have flung it into the world, inviting others to learn from my lessons to profit from my pain. I am hopeful that it is not in vain, but in the end, I drop exhausted from the effort and wondering if any have heard my song.

What makes the skylark sing? What makes me write? He is compelled by instinct; an instinct placed within him by the all loving Father. I am compelled by the love of God and something in me cries out to be expressed in words. I believe that this too has been placed there by the Father. And so, he sings and I write all to the glory of God; not knowing what comes next, only playing our role as best we know how.

Olympic Training for Listening?

The Bible is such an interesting book. No matter how many times I read it, there will always be something new waiting to jump off the page. The Spirit draws my attention, or I suddenly feel the distance between my mindset and what I am reading.

This happened to me the other day as I was reading Hebrews chapter five. At the end of the chapter we find a description of those who are mature and immature. The recipients of the letter are mildly rebuked for being immature and not being able to understand. It seems a bit harsh to reprimand them in this way. Why would God rebuke someone for failing to understand?

In the final verse of the chapter, we find the reason for the rebuke. We read that the mature have become so through practicing. They have learned to discern by exercising their senses. The word used for exercise is an active word. It carries the sense of training for the Olympic Games.
 
They are rebuked not because they don't understand but because they had failed to train themselves. Their lack of discernment, their immaturity was a result of their choice. They chose not to train like an athlete preparing for the Olympics, and therefore lacked discernment. They had not learned to listen.

More times than I care to remember, I have griped about the silence of God. Why doesn't God tell me this or that? I wonder how many times I have not discerned God's voice because I have not seriously trained. Like athletes with various levels of natural skill, discernment may come easier for some, but we can all grow in it through intentional training.

I do not mean to say that God will always answer. There are times of silence, even in the most intimate relationships. But, I wonder if we don't often mistake our inability to listen with His unwillingness to speak.

Learn to Discern

I desperately want to know God.  I want to know Him personally and to interact with Him.  It isn't that I don't know God's Name.  I know His Name and I know Him personally, but I want to know Him more.  I have talked with Him and on a few occasions I have heard His reply to my question or my cry.  It's not that He is fully unknown.

I want to know Him like I want to know my wife.  I want to know the way she is thinking.  I want to understand her emotions.  I want to know what makes her smile and what makes her mad; but it's not just the information I want, it's the connection.  I want to know her and I want to be known by her.  I want to belong to her and for her to belong to me.  Of course all of this is already true on one level, but I want more.

I read His Word.  I pray and I worship in song.  I feel His presence, but not with the kind of regularity that I want, that I believe is possible.  I want to hear His voice and to be able to tell the difference between His voice and the other voices echoing in my head.  I want to be able to know when it is Him speaking and when it is just me, my parents, or my culture.  I want to learn to rightly discern His voice.

This is not just idle curiosity.  As a Christian I believe that Christ is my Saviour as well as my model for life and ministry.  I want to live like Christ.  Jesus always only did what He saw His Father doing.  I can't do that right now, because more often than not I have no idea what God is doing.  I am sure that He is at work, but only rarely can I trace His fingerprints on a situation until after the fact.  So, I need to train my senses, my mind, and my heart to be alert to Him and His movements.  I believe that discernment is both a gift and a skill, or rather a gift that God gives to all His children that can be increased with practice.  I want to learn to discern.

Losing Focus

Yesterday I was humbled by worship yet again. I was standing at a church service when God ambushed me again through the words of a song. He has a tendency to sneak past my defenses as I worship in song. This time it was the line "there is one great love" from David Crowder's version of "O For a Thousand Tongues to Sing". All of a sudden, as I was singing those words, I was convicted and comforted all at the same time.

I was struck by my adulterous heart and how prone it is to wander from the God I love. (And even as I type I recognize that those last few words are from "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing", the residual effects of a previous worship ambush). I lose focus SO easily. There in that moment, I was reminded that there is one great love, one consuming passion, that drives me, or at least should drive me. I was reminded of how I had spent the last 2 nights staying up WAY too late playing a video game. The video game was not the problem as there is nothing particular objectionable in the game I was playing, but rather as I was playing in the wee hours of the morning I was aware of the time and that I should really turn it off. There was a voice in my head saying something like, "Is this really that important? You'll be sorry tomorrow. You'll be tired and cranky. How will you love your kids well? How will you love your wife well? How will you be able to spend time with me?" I am not confident enough to say that it was the voice of God clearly speaking those words in my head, rather an impression in my soul that when verbalized takes on those words.

The interesting thing was my response in that moment. I simply blocked out the impression. I choose to ignore the wisdom of God. Sure enough, the next morning I was tired and cranky and sorry I had stayed up so late. But, here's the irony, I did the same thing again the next night. And again, the next night, I blocked out the voice, like a child putting his fingers in his ears and shouting, "LA LA LA LA LA LA, I CAN'T HEAR YOU!!!" I decided to do what I wanted to do, what felt good at the moment, regardless of the consequences. I praise God that my addictions are relatively less damaging than the ones I used to indulge, but the problem of my heart is just the same. I lose focus much too easily and have a proclivity for willfulness. I say I want to pursue God and to learn to hear His voice and obey, and yet I am prone to wander.

So, during worship, when I was singing, God reminded me that there is "one great love: Jesus" and that He loves me, even when I am a willful knucklehead. He really is worth listening too. He really is worth pursuing. He really is my one great love. I just forget to remember.

The Voice of God

I'm pretty sure I've written about this before, but I can't help writing about it again. I am reading in the Gospel of John right now and am repeatedly struck by Jesus relationship with the Father, and with all the references to voice and speaking.

Jesus clearly demonstrated an intimacy with the Father that far surpasses that of my own. My early training assured me that this was because He is God and that I should not expect that I will have personal communication with the Father. Just recently I heard a report that a respected teacher at my church publicly reaffirmed the position, namely that God does not speak to us personally now because He has given us the Scriptures. According to this position, that I thought was historical rather than current, God speaks to us today exclusively through His written Word.

This was a very comfortable position for me because it normalized my personal experience, or rather the lack there of, with God. I felt fine about not personally hearing from or interacting with God other than through the intellectual pursuit of knowledge through the Bible. I was not challenged to break through to an interactive, conversational relationship with God. Instead I was warned about people who pursued this path as fanatics, dreamers, and potential heretics. I did not object because I found the teaching to be reasonable and I trusted the teachers.

While I still respect my teachers and value the solid Biblical grounding that underpins my faith, I have found that my journey has led me to radically different conclusions. The more time I spend in the Gospels, the more it seems to me that God intends to interact with each of His children very personally. Is not this what we mean when we say that "Christianity is not a religion, it is a relationship"? I cannot tell you how many times I heard these words in the church growing up, but only now recognize the irony. We said the words, but denied the possiblity of any real relationship.

A relationship is a living and active thing. It is not enough to read about the interactions that God had with people to know Him personally. It is not enough to read the words He spoke to them, the ways that He interacted with them. I want to interact with Him. i want to hear His voice and do His will. I am pretty sure that is what Jesus promises to us.

On The Road

I have been traveling for the last couple of weeks, thus the lack of blogging. Actually I am not just traveling, I am in the process of moving. I have packed up my household and have entered into a type of nebulous and nomadic existence. I feel like the Lord has asked me to leave where we were living and working and to follow Him to the place where He will show us. At this point we have no solid idea of where that will be, but we have left our home behind in an attempt to follow. We are trusting that He will guide and direct us in His good time and that He will not abandon us along the road.

This is definitely a faith journey as well as a physical one. If I am honest there is a niggling fear at the back of my mind that having pulled up stakes we might find ourselves wandering in a desert without a guide. I hear the desperation in Moses prayer, "If you do not go with us, please don't make us go!" There is the fear that perhaps He has led us out into this wilderness and will not lead us to the other side. There is also a real fear that perhaps we have misheard or misunderstood. I want to know the destination and how to get there, but He refuses to tell me. I find myself longing for a road map more than for a pillar of fire and smoke. Instead He is with me on the journey and assures me of His presence. He asks me to trust Him and to simply walk with Him day by day.

I am comforted by the fact that He has never abandoned us. He has been faithful to guide us and direct us every step of the way. It is true that this guidance was not always with manifest presence, but it is clear in hindsight. Looking back I can see that He has been ever present and has been guiding me in paths of righteousness for His Name's sake. He will not abandon me because He promises never to leave me or forsake me. He promises to be with me always, even to the end of the age. His honor and glory are at stake.

So, we have ventured out into the unknown, not knowing what is before us and trusting that He truly has spoken to us and beckoned us to follow Him into this wilderness. I trust that He has many lessons to teach us on this journey as He taught the Israelites in the deserts of Sinai.

The book I'm reading

I find myself both challenged and encouraged by the book I'm reading, "The Voice of Jesus" by Gordon T. Smith. It is the latest in a series of books I've been reading about prayer and developing my relationship with God. Smith starts by looking at three Christian thinkers who wrestled with how God speaks with us. What is interesting is that he has selected Ignatius Loyola (the founder of the Jesuits), John Wesley (the founder of Methodism), and Jonathan Edwards (the profound American Reformed pastor and theologian).

Although these three men are from three different traditions they agree that God speaks to us personally. I long to hear from God with greater frequency and clarity and this book has been an encouragement to me that this is not a futile pursuit. I believe that there is much more potential to hear from Him than is generally acknowledged. I believe that I can train myself to hear His voice if I will but invest my time and energy in that direction. I believe that we give up too easily and settle for so much less than is available to us.