The Opposite of Faith

I recently had dinner with some old friends. I have known them for more than 10 years. As we talked it became clear that they no longer believe in Jesus. At one point they were involved in church, reading and praying daily, and doing all the things that we would normally expect to see in a growing Christian. Today they are wondering if it was all self-deception, if they just imagined that they experienced God. In short, they have lost their faith.

We talked for hours sharing our journey and listening to theirs. They shared about their frustrations with the church, the hypocrisy of their Christian friends, their doubts about the reliability of Scripture, and their apparent lack of loss and new found freedom as they have abandoned their faith. It is not that they are living lasciviously, or are abandoning their morality. It is simply that they do not have faith.

All of this has me reflecting on the nature of faith, and specifically wondering about the opposite of faith. My friends' journey away from God began with doubt. When they expressed their doubts to other Christians they were admonished to "have faith", to "believe and not to doubt". I am wondering if the opposite of faith is really doubt, and if the cure to doubt is to just believe. It seems to me that the opposite of faith might be apathy or inaction. My friends are now living lives apart from Christ because of their doubts. They have rightly identified real problems and as these difficult realities sowed doubts in their minds, they pulled back to investigate and to find out what was true. However, as they pulled back they didn't really plunge into the investigation, or devote themselves to the search, they simply stopped pursuing to see what would happen. When nothing "bad" happened, they figured it was all a sham.

As I reflect on my own journey I am struck that it is filled with periods of doubt and turmoil. I think that the difference is one of relationship and perhaps of activity. When I am struck by doubts and difficulties I tend to talk about these things with God and with those closest to me. This reaffirms my important relationships including my relationship with God, even as the doubts remain real and the difficulties may not dissipate. I don't think that my life will ever be free of doubts and puzzling paradoxes, but it seems that my faith is expressed when I choose to engage the doubts and wrestle with God about them. The talking with Him, the wrestling with Him, even the shouting at Him, are all actions that express faith. Withdrawing from Him and simply ignoring Him these are un-faith.

The Voice of God

I'm pretty sure I've written about this before, but I can't help writing about it again. I am reading in the Gospel of John right now and am repeatedly struck by Jesus relationship with the Father, and with all the references to voice and speaking.

Jesus clearly demonstrated an intimacy with the Father that far surpasses that of my own. My early training assured me that this was because He is God and that I should not expect that I will have personal communication with the Father. Just recently I heard a report that a respected teacher at my church publicly reaffirmed the position, namely that God does not speak to us personally now because He has given us the Scriptures. According to this position, that I thought was historical rather than current, God speaks to us today exclusively through His written Word.

This was a very comfortable position for me because it normalized my personal experience, or rather the lack there of, with God. I felt fine about not personally hearing from or interacting with God other than through the intellectual pursuit of knowledge through the Bible. I was not challenged to break through to an interactive, conversational relationship with God. Instead I was warned about people who pursued this path as fanatics, dreamers, and potential heretics. I did not object because I found the teaching to be reasonable and I trusted the teachers.

While I still respect my teachers and value the solid Biblical grounding that underpins my faith, I have found that my journey has led me to radically different conclusions. The more time I spend in the Gospels, the more it seems to me that God intends to interact with each of His children very personally. Is not this what we mean when we say that "Christianity is not a religion, it is a relationship"? I cannot tell you how many times I heard these words in the church growing up, but only now recognize the irony. We said the words, but denied the possiblity of any real relationship.

A relationship is a living and active thing. It is not enough to read about the interactions that God had with people to know Him personally. It is not enough to read the words He spoke to them, the ways that He interacted with them. I want to interact with Him. i want to hear His voice and do His will. I am pretty sure that is what Jesus promises to us.