It just works better that way

Today, I was walking in the fields.

Oreo, my black lab, joined me as I rambled along in dialogue with the Lord. She doesn't mind a bit of benign neglect as I amble along, as it gives her free rein (literally, no lead, no rein on her) to wander the fields.

As I climbed over the stile into the field, I spotted a stick, the perfect size for fetch. I didn't come out here to play, I came to pray. And yet, perhaps the Lord wouldn't mind a bit of both. I do a quick spot check, trying the idea on Him, and as I feel no divine objection. I snatch the stick from the ground, waving it around to catch Oreo's attention.

At first, she seems surprised. She was already exploring the myriad smells in the grass. Somewhat reluctantly she leaves her occupation and trots over to me.

I throw the stick for her. She runs after it for a few steps and then is almost immediately distracted by what must be an enticing smell for her, as she veers off to her right, leaving the stick neglected and alone on the damp grass.

I walk over and pick up the stick. Hey. Come here. Look. You love this. Are you ready? Are you ready?! As I rile her up, I believe I see a flicker of remembrance behind those eyes. I throw it again. This time she is off like a rocket she grabs the stick and joyfully returns it to my feet. Dancing around, occasionally lunging toward the stick playfully, as if to urge me to throw it again before she grabs it, carrying it away herself.

I can she she is now fully engaged and she loves it! I throw it a few more times, and she chases it down and brings it right back. Then, a funny thing happens. I pull my arm back to throw it, and she darts off full speed, but in the wrong direction. She wrongly anticipated where it was headed. As it lands off to my right, she is off to my left. She completely misses it and runs franctically back and forth trying to find it.

I mutter to myself as I stomp off to retrieve the stick. I pick it up and call her. She runs over to me again, dancing around and waiting for me to throw it.

I pull my arm back and she's off, but, again, in the wrong direction. But this time, I'm watching more carefully and I don't throw it immediately. I wait for her to turn her head back toward me, and then I release it in the opposite direction. She pivots like a cheetah and scampers back across the field and full speed toward where the stick is headed. The stick is on the ground for mere moments before she scoops it up on the run and brings it back again.

We repeat this pattern a few more times, until I notice a subtle change in her behavior. She still anticipates where the stick will be thrown, but now she is streaking away from me with her head fixed back over her shoulder.

She is eager to play. She is eager to run. But now her eye is fixed on the master.

It just works better that way.

Ambushed Again!

On Friday I was skyping with some friends. As we often do, we ended the call by praying for each other. One of the things they prayed for me was that God would fill me up for the up coming week of intense ministry by meeting me in worship. In the last few days, this prayer has been answered many times over, the most recent one was this morning, when God ambushed me again!

Perhaps that needs a little explaining...

When I was a kid, we took great delight on hiding in the house and jumping out at unsuspecting loved ones. Often, particularly with my dad, these childish ambushes were followed with tickles and fun. At any moment, your day could be interrupted by a loving ambush. When you least expected it, someone would jump out at you and you would be thrown into chaos for a moment as your adrenalin kicked in. The intensity of emotion heightening the connection with someone you were not looking for.

One of the really fun things for me in the last few years, has been the way God sneaks up behind me and taps me on the shoulder when I'm not looking. Sometimes it feels really playful, as if He was hiding behind the door with a sly smile on His face, listening to my approaching footsteps, anticipating the look on my face when He jumps out. Other times it is more sedate and deep like suddenly discovering an old friend sitting in your living room and inviting you to sit down and catch up. Still other times, the ambushes are more severe, like suddenly being caught in the act, suddenly knowing that you are caught, guilty, and there is no wiggling out of it.

One of the great joys of my life has been learning what it means to live in what Dallas Willard calls "a God bathed world". The fact is that our world is filled with God. He is available to us every moment. He is actually present everywhere at every moment but we can live our whole lives without being aware of Him. Cultivating sensitivity to Him and creating space in my life to respond to Him takes discipline and intentionality, but it is well worth it. He reveals Himself to those who seek Him.

This morning, He ambushed me as my wife was reading from "Jesus Calling". I'm not really a devotional reader kind of guy, but God totally ambushed me this morning! I am preparing to travel to Asia for a week of intense ministry. I went to bed last night trying to anticipate all that the week would hold and even playing through potential conversations in my head. This mornings reading opened with this line, "Trust me enough to let things happen without striving to predict or control them." I didn't really hear the rest of the reading.

I felt like God had just tapped me on the shoulder. My mind flooded with all the ways I had tried to do exactly that. I was suddenly deliciously aware of His presence and the absurdity of my façade of control, my desire to accurately anticipate the future. Instead, He reminded me that I can and should relax into His presence. I can be present in every moment and be anticipating Him, listening for His approaching footsteps.

I am eager to see what He has in store for me this week. I am eager to live with Him, to walk with Him. With an almost childlike giggling fear, I'm peering around each corner wondering when He will ambush me again.

Playing with God

This morning I find myself wondering about how to more fully integrate God into the playful side of my life.  I am a pretty playful person by nature.  I like to tease and joke.  I like to play cards and boardgames.  I enjoy video games and computer games.  I generally just enjoy playing.  I know how God's standards inform my choices about leisure activity, that I should only let my mind dwell on things that are true, noble, right, lovely, admirable, and worthy of praise.  It's the actual playing that puzzles me.

I am not struggling with picturing God as happy or joyful, or even laughing, but I am having a hard time picturing Jesus engaging in the kind of  frivolous pastimes that I enjoy.  I can picture Him enjoying creation, or enjoying the joy of His creatures, but I have a hard time picturing Jesus playing football, Playstation, or even checkers.  I can picture Him preaching and praying.  I can picture him serving and healing.  I can picture Him eating and sleeping.  I just can't quite see him playing, and this puzzles me and makes me sad.  Did Jesus ever just take some "down time"?  What did He do for fun?

Over the weekend, my son and I spent hours playing a variety of games together, everything from checkers, to Playstation, to Civilization on the PC.  I can picture God enjoying us enjoying each other, but what about when I just play a game by myself?  Does God smile on that?  Does He enjoy me enjoying the game?  Does He enjoy me enjoying the challenge, the problem solving?  Or does He think it's all a waste of time and that I should be doing something productive, of eternal value?  I know that I need a certain amount of just plain fun in my life, but I find myself feeling guilty about it.  I can't believe that the guilt is from God, but I can't quite dismiss it either.

Hide and Seek

I find myself engaged in a sort of game of hide and seek with God. In one sense I have always been playing the game where I am hiding from Him, like Adam in the garden, and He is patiently seeking me. I hid from Him for many years and used many strategies to avoid discovery. I was afraid of his soul penetrating gaze. I was afraid I would be caught and uncovered. I was certain that I could not stand naked and unashamed before Him. So, I hid.

To my surprise, I found much joy and relief when He finally caught me. I finally surrendered myself and purposed to not hide from Him, or from myself, any longer. The ruthless self assessment and the stripping that has followed, have revealed that I was even worse off than I thought, but that He was even better than I dreamed. He has patiently been pursuing me and healing me all these years.

That, however, is not the game of hide and seek that I am pondering this morning. Today, I find myself reflecting on the divine hider. I feel like we have switched roles. Now, I am the one who is seeking and He is the one who is hiding; not in a mean spirited way, but rather in a playful way.

It is a sort of romantic hide and seek. He is beckoning me on, and is playfully hiding, all the while leaving clues as to where we will have our next hidden rendezvous. He hides to see if I will pursue. When I find that I can not help but pursue I discover that He has become and is becoming the desire of my heart. This is a welcome discovery and, I believe, is at least part of His reason for playing this game with me. He is demonstrating to me that I really do love Him. Through my doubts, through my fears, through the places that still need healing, I have grown to love Him. I am growing and changing after all!

So, I will seek my God though I only see Him now through a glass darkly. Someday I will know Him as He knows me. I will see Him fully and completely as He sees me. Then, I suppose He will teach me other games to play.