Praying and cycling

I am starting to realize just how little I know about prayer.  It's not that I haven't read about prayer, or study the topic in the scriptures.  I admit that I have a lot left to learn cognitively about prayer, and even more left to understand.  But my need for knowledge goes beyond the cognitive.  What I am realizing is that I am only now beginning my journey in the area of prayer.

I feel like a man who years ago became interested in cycling.  I read books about the history of cycling.  I go to bike shops and talk to cyclists.  I read about the lives and experiences of great cyclists.  I even attend the odd cycling event from time to time.  But until very recently I never really got on to a bike, or at least never rode much.  I occasionally rode my bike down the street or around town, but never really trained, never devoted myself to it.  So, despite years of learning I am still a novice.

The real knowledge comes in the doing.  Years ago I had a mentor tell me that you learn about praying by praying.  I nodded sagely and asked him if he could recommend a book about that.  Recently I have redoubled my efforts at serious prayer.  I find that it is tremendously hard work.  It really is true that the learning is in the doing.  I devote myself to prayer and am left tired and drained, not unlike a novice bicycler who has not built up his stamina.  I am amazed at how exhausted I am after a time of intercession.  I feel like I have been carrying real physical burdens, a deep bone tiredness.  It is hard to push myself to continue to pray when I feel like I have "hit the wall".I have to remind myself that I have much to learn.  I want to keep learning and to find what is beyond the wall. 

Learn to Discern

I desperately want to know God.  I want to know Him personally and to interact with Him.  It isn't that I don't know God's Name.  I know His Name and I know Him personally, but I want to know Him more.  I have talked with Him and on a few occasions I have heard His reply to my question or my cry.  It's not that He is fully unknown.

I want to know Him like I want to know my wife.  I want to know the way she is thinking.  I want to understand her emotions.  I want to know what makes her smile and what makes her mad; but it's not just the information I want, it's the connection.  I want to know her and I want to be known by her.  I want to belong to her and for her to belong to me.  Of course all of this is already true on one level, but I want more.

I read His Word.  I pray and I worship in song.  I feel His presence, but not with the kind of regularity that I want, that I believe is possible.  I want to hear His voice and to be able to tell the difference between His voice and the other voices echoing in my head.  I want to be able to know when it is Him speaking and when it is just me, my parents, or my culture.  I want to learn to rightly discern His voice.

This is not just idle curiosity.  As a Christian I believe that Christ is my Saviour as well as my model for life and ministry.  I want to live like Christ.  Jesus always only did what He saw His Father doing.  I can't do that right now, because more often than not I have no idea what God is doing.  I am sure that He is at work, but only rarely can I trace His fingerprints on a situation until after the fact.  So, I need to train my senses, my mind, and my heart to be alert to Him and His movements.  I believe that discernment is both a gift and a skill, or rather a gift that God gives to all His children that can be increased with practice.  I want to learn to discern.