Our family loves our dog. We have so much fun with her. The kids love to play with her in the garden and to wrestle and cuddle her in the house. She is well fed and well loved. We have let her know that she is a welcomed and loved addition to our family. We have "treat trained" her from the beginning. She has learned that we are the givers of all good things. She knows that the result of obedience is a treat, praise, and love. She knows that we are where she wants to be. She has demonstrated her desire to be close to us. Often, when the gate has been left open accidentally, even over night, she has refused to wander. We have even seen people outside of the gate call her and her refuse to leave the property.
So what is up with my dog these days?! She has run off 10 times in the last 12 days! Sometimes twice a day. When she first started the new behaviour, I did some research to see what could be driving it. She has been "fixed" and so she can't be wandering to find a mate. She is not unloved or failed to bond with our family. She is not neglected and is far from under fed. So, what is it that seems to compel her to disobey?
We have given more attention and have tried all the training tricks we know, our friends know, or we have been able to glean from the internet. Nothing has worked. So we have had to resort to the the chain. Only the chain will keep her from running off at a moments notice. We don't want to chain her. We want her to have the run of the garden as she has for the last 18 months. We enjoy the fluidity of the relationship when she comes in and out of the house and can freely roam about the property with us.
She has now lost the freedom found in a caring relationship because she has refused to accept the loving parameters. She has chosen the chain through her behaviour.
Yesterday, I was out in the garden with her. I was hanging laundry and "giving her lots of fuss" as the British say. I played fetch with her and gave her treats. I had her off the chain and we were having fun together. I went into the house to grab a bite to eat and check on the next load of laundry. 3 minutes later the phone rang. Someone was calling from their mobile phone to let me know they had my dog. They happened to be walking by and had caught her less than 50 feet from our house. She had just been experiencing all the best parts about life with our family, and had chosen to run off as soon as my back was turned. Crazy!
Then I remember my last week.
My wife left for a week of ministry in Asia a week ago Saturday. I had purposed with a friend whose wife was also going to be travelling to the event, that we would make good use of the time with our kids and our God while our wives were away. We agreed that we would have extra uninterrupted time in the evenings for solitude and silence with God. We would have more time to spend focused uninterrupted time with Him. I as looking forward to the week for the special times with my kids and my God.
I had a great week with the kids. Although they were under the weather for much of the week, we had many special times together and made some neat memories together.
My week with God started out well. I had a wonderful extended time with Him on Sunday afternoon. Then, I flipped on the TV in the evening. It's not that I watched anything bad on TV, but I was just channel surfing. I watch 15 minutes of this and 30 minutes of that. I watched nothing at all but I watched it until 2AM.
My week was an odd sort of wandering. I had some really sweet times with God, seeing Him throughout my day, praying for my wife, talking with some friends. But each evening I would forget the sweetness of fellowship and simply go wandering on the TV, through the internet, just wandering. Looking for I don't know what. I just went wandering into the wee hours of the morning.
God is the giver of all good things, and I experienced this last week, but I also experienced the wandering. I am so grateful that He protected me. I could have been wounded on my late night wanderings. There certainly is a lot of crap, a lot of dangerous stuff for my soul that I could have pursued. Even when I stumbled across it, He gave me the insight and the power to turn away. But, I should not have been lingering in those dangerous places.
Why did I wander? I don't know all the answers. I think part of it was loneliness. I was missing the interactions with my wife, but instead of turning to my ever present Friend and Confidant, I filled the lonely place with noise and information that does not satisfy. There were moments of such sweet fellowship with God throughout the week, but there was also so much mindless wandering!
I don't want to wander. Neither do I want to be like my stubbornly rebellious dog who refuses to be trained. I don't want to be chained. I have experienced the slavery of addiction as well as the chain of the law. The law can help to harness, but it cannot bring true freedom.
True freedom is fount in trust and birthed through relationship. If I will learn to trust that the parameters the Father has given me come from love, if I will learn to heed His still small voice, I will find the freedom that comes from submission to my Good God. I am finding it, bit by bit, one day at a time.
Showing posts with label training. Show all posts
Showing posts with label training. Show all posts
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Monday, November 15, 2010
Olympic Training for Listening?
The Bible is such an interesting book. No matter how many times I read it, there will always be something new waiting to jump off the page. The Spirit draws my attention, or I suddenly feel the distance between my mindset and what I am reading.
This happened to me the other day as I was reading Hebrews chapter five. At the end of the chapter we find a description of those who are mature and immature. The recipients of the letter are mildly rebuked for being immature and not being able to understand. It seems a bit harsh to reprimand them in this way. Why would God rebuke someone for failing to understand?
In the final verse of the chapter, we find the reason for the rebuke. We read that the mature have become so through practicing. They have learned to discern by exercising their senses. The word used for exercise is an active word. It carries the sense of training for the Olympic Games.
They are rebuked not because they don't understand but because they had failed to train themselves. Their lack of discernment, their immaturity was a result of their choice. They chose not to train like an athlete preparing for the Olympics, and therefore lacked discernment. They had not learned to listen.
More times than I care to remember, I have griped about the silence of God. Why doesn't God tell me this or that? I wonder how many times I have not discerned God's voice because I have not seriously trained. Like athletes with various levels of natural skill, discernment may come easier for some, but we can all grow in it through intentional training.
I do not mean to say that God will always answer. There are times of silence, even in the most intimate relationships. But, I wonder if we don't often mistake our inability to listen with His unwillingness to speak.
This happened to me the other day as I was reading Hebrews chapter five. At the end of the chapter we find a description of those who are mature and immature. The recipients of the letter are mildly rebuked for being immature and not being able to understand. It seems a bit harsh to reprimand them in this way. Why would God rebuke someone for failing to understand?
In the final verse of the chapter, we find the reason for the rebuke. We read that the mature have become so through practicing. They have learned to discern by exercising their senses. The word used for exercise is an active word. It carries the sense of training for the Olympic Games.
They are rebuked not because they don't understand but because they had failed to train themselves. Their lack of discernment, their immaturity was a result of their choice. They chose not to train like an athlete preparing for the Olympics, and therefore lacked discernment. They had not learned to listen.
More times than I care to remember, I have griped about the silence of God. Why doesn't God tell me this or that? I wonder how many times I have not discerned God's voice because I have not seriously trained. Like athletes with various levels of natural skill, discernment may come easier for some, but we can all grow in it through intentional training.
I do not mean to say that God will always answer. There are times of silence, even in the most intimate relationships. But, I wonder if we don't often mistake our inability to listen with His unwillingness to speak.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Where do I get my magic sword?
A battle of epic proportions is raging around us. A life or death struggle. People have left their families behind, have suffered privation as they dedicate themselves to the fight. Every day people are paying the ultimate price in the struggle for victory against an ancient foe, laying down their very lives. We listen for the orders from our commanders to plug this hole in the line, free those prisoners, or to take that distant hill. We throw ourselves into the fight. Some are the commandos dropped in behind enemy lines. Some are the infantry slogging it out in the trenches. Some are the stretcher bearers and healers. Some provide air support or strategic planning. But, all of us have a role in the battle.
My role these days is mostly air support or, more clearly, prayer support. I believe that God has called me to devote myself to intercession. It is difficult for me to watch the battle raging and to see the enemy taking shots at our people. I once was down in the trenches and I miss the gritty day to day fighting. These days I fight differently, in the quietness of my secret place of prayer. Even so, I am filled with emotions: anger, distress, sadness, and rage as I see the enemy of our souls fighting against my compatriots. I see his lies. I see the way he tricks us into friendly fire, or ambushes us with the sins that so easily entangle. I wish that I could grab him by the throat and throttle him. I find the intangible nature of this warfare terribly frustrating.
In the stories, when a huge and nefarious beast appears on the battlefield, the hero reaches for his magic sword, strides forward into battle and slays the hell spawned creature. I desperately wish that the spiritual battle was that easily won. I want my magic sword. I want to destroy the schemes of the enemy, to free the prisoners, to heal the sick, to raise the dead. I want to see the banner of the Lord lifted high over the battlefield and to hear the righteous battle throng sing the victory hymn to Our Father, Our King. Paul says that we do not fight as the world fights, but that we have been given divine weapons that demolish strongholds. The problem is that I don't know how to wield these divine weapons. I believe that I am learning, but oh how I want to learn more quickly and to wield the weapons more effectively! I need the King, the Captain of the Host to train my hands for battle!
My role these days is mostly air support or, more clearly, prayer support. I believe that God has called me to devote myself to intercession. It is difficult for me to watch the battle raging and to see the enemy taking shots at our people. I once was down in the trenches and I miss the gritty day to day fighting. These days I fight differently, in the quietness of my secret place of prayer. Even so, I am filled with emotions: anger, distress, sadness, and rage as I see the enemy of our souls fighting against my compatriots. I see his lies. I see the way he tricks us into friendly fire, or ambushes us with the sins that so easily entangle. I wish that I could grab him by the throat and throttle him. I find the intangible nature of this warfare terribly frustrating.
In the stories, when a huge and nefarious beast appears on the battlefield, the hero reaches for his magic sword, strides forward into battle and slays the hell spawned creature. I desperately wish that the spiritual battle was that easily won. I want my magic sword. I want to destroy the schemes of the enemy, to free the prisoners, to heal the sick, to raise the dead. I want to see the banner of the Lord lifted high over the battlefield and to hear the righteous battle throng sing the victory hymn to Our Father, Our King. Paul says that we do not fight as the world fights, but that we have been given divine weapons that demolish strongholds. The problem is that I don't know how to wield these divine weapons. I believe that I am learning, but oh how I want to learn more quickly and to wield the weapons more effectively! I need the King, the Captain of the Host to train my hands for battle!
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Praying and cycling
I am starting to realize just how little I know about prayer. It's not that I haven't read about prayer, or study the topic in the scriptures. I admit that I have a lot left to learn cognitively about prayer, and even more left to understand. But my need for knowledge goes beyond the cognitive. What I am realizing is that I am only now beginning my journey in the area of prayer.
I feel like a man who years ago became interested in cycling. I read books about the history of cycling. I go to bike shops and talk to cyclists. I read about the lives and experiences of great cyclists. I even attend the odd cycling event from time to time. But until very recently I never really got on to a bike, or at least never rode much. I occasionally rode my bike down the street or around town, but never really trained, never devoted myself to it. So, despite years of learning I am still a novice.
The real knowledge comes in the doing. Years ago I had a mentor tell me that you learn about praying by praying. I nodded sagely and asked him if he could recommend a book about that. Recently I have redoubled my efforts at serious prayer. I find that it is tremendously hard work. It really is true that the learning is in the doing. I devote myself to prayer and am left tired and drained, not unlike a novice bicycler who has not built up his stamina. I am amazed at how exhausted I am after a time of intercession. I feel like I have been carrying real physical burdens, a deep bone tiredness. It is hard to push myself to continue to pray when I feel like I have "hit the wall".I have to remind myself that I have much to learn. I want to keep learning and to find what is beyond the wall.
I feel like a man who years ago became interested in cycling. I read books about the history of cycling. I go to bike shops and talk to cyclists. I read about the lives and experiences of great cyclists. I even attend the odd cycling event from time to time. But until very recently I never really got on to a bike, or at least never rode much. I occasionally rode my bike down the street or around town, but never really trained, never devoted myself to it. So, despite years of learning I am still a novice.
The real knowledge comes in the doing. Years ago I had a mentor tell me that you learn about praying by praying. I nodded sagely and asked him if he could recommend a book about that. Recently I have redoubled my efforts at serious prayer. I find that it is tremendously hard work. It really is true that the learning is in the doing. I devote myself to prayer and am left tired and drained, not unlike a novice bicycler who has not built up his stamina. I am amazed at how exhausted I am after a time of intercession. I feel like I have been carrying real physical burdens, a deep bone tiredness. It is hard to push myself to continue to pray when I feel like I have "hit the wall".I have to remind myself that I have much to learn. I want to keep learning and to find what is beyond the wall.
Monday, December 7, 2009
Teaching an Old Dog New Tricks
I love to walk across the countryside. I enjoy being out in nature with just my thoughts and my God. As I walk, I pray, and my prayers are sometimes shaped and triggered by the things that strike me as I walk. It could be a flower, the weather, something in the sky, or some kind of animal behavior. The countryside is mostly rolling farmland that gently slopes down toward the cliffs at the sea. There are well worn paths cutting through the fields and across the hedgerows. In order to cross the boundaries you have to climb over stiles. Most are made of stone and are quiet old. It has been fun to explore the various paths through the fields and along the coast.
Lately, I have had additional company in the form of our new puppy. She minds pretty well these days and has been an interesting addition. I have been training her to go over the stiles. Over the last week or so she has really be catching on. It's been amusing to have her clamor up to the top only to be stymied by the last big step. She has to wait for me to help her over the last bit. This is all well and good for now, but she will soon be too heavy for me to do this easily over the tallest stiles. However, there is a solution near at hand. There are conveniently located gates through which the livestock can be driven near these tall stiles. So, today I decided to have her go under the gates and wait for me on the otherside while I went over the stile. She already knows how to sit and to stay so I led her under the gate and told her to sit and stay while I backtracked and made my way over the stile.
Before I had made my way down the stile, there was a little face peering over the top of the stile inquisitively from the field I had just left. Instead of trusting that I was not going to leave her, she had quickly and quietly followed me back to the stile to cross over the way we always had. She repeated this behavior at the next stile as well. It seems it was just too much for her to believe that I really meant the instructions I had given her, that I wanted her to do something different than she had done before. Shea already "knew" what I wanted her to do from previous experience.
As I laughingly reflected on this talking about it alternatively with my dog and with my God, I was suddenly struck by the lesson. How often do I assume what God wants me to do instead of fixing my eyes on Him and waiting for His direction? How often do I assume that the way I have always done it is the right way, even when He seems to be directing me to do something different? Going over the stiles was the best way for the puppy when we started our walks together, but it is time for her to start learning how to do it differently. She is growing, and is ready for a new way. It will take time for her to unlearn the old way and for the new way to feel right, to become the new normal. It should be relatively easy as she is a young dog who is full of trust and a desire to please.
I wonder how easy it will be for this old dog to be trained by my Master. May I be filled with trust and a desire to please Him. May I learn to listen and not just to assume because I have "been down this path before". May I surrender my pride and self-reliance, my feeling that I know the right way. May I be willing and able to receive His direction and to follow His instructions even when they don't "feel right" as He leads me in paths of righteousness for His Name's sake.
Lately, I have had additional company in the form of our new puppy. She minds pretty well these days and has been an interesting addition. I have been training her to go over the stiles. Over the last week or so she has really be catching on. It's been amusing to have her clamor up to the top only to be stymied by the last big step. She has to wait for me to help her over the last bit. This is all well and good for now, but she will soon be too heavy for me to do this easily over the tallest stiles. However, there is a solution near at hand. There are conveniently located gates through which the livestock can be driven near these tall stiles. So, today I decided to have her go under the gates and wait for me on the otherside while I went over the stile. She already knows how to sit and to stay so I led her under the gate and told her to sit and stay while I backtracked and made my way over the stile.
Before I had made my way down the stile, there was a little face peering over the top of the stile inquisitively from the field I had just left. Instead of trusting that I was not going to leave her, she had quickly and quietly followed me back to the stile to cross over the way we always had. She repeated this behavior at the next stile as well. It seems it was just too much for her to believe that I really meant the instructions I had given her, that I wanted her to do something different than she had done before. Shea already "knew" what I wanted her to do from previous experience.
As I laughingly reflected on this talking about it alternatively with my dog and with my God, I was suddenly struck by the lesson. How often do I assume what God wants me to do instead of fixing my eyes on Him and waiting for His direction? How often do I assume that the way I have always done it is the right way, even when He seems to be directing me to do something different? Going over the stiles was the best way for the puppy when we started our walks together, but it is time for her to start learning how to do it differently. She is growing, and is ready for a new way. It will take time for her to unlearn the old way and for the new way to feel right, to become the new normal. It should be relatively easy as she is a young dog who is full of trust and a desire to please.
I wonder how easy it will be for this old dog to be trained by my Master. May I be filled with trust and a desire to please Him. May I learn to listen and not just to assume because I have "been down this path before". May I surrender my pride and self-reliance, my feeling that I know the right way. May I be willing and able to receive His direction and to follow His instructions even when they don't "feel right" as He leads me in paths of righteousness for His Name's sake.
Friday, October 2, 2009
The Natural and the Supernatural
Being Christ like does not come naturally to me. I am bent. I have a predisposition to sin. Not only that, but I have spent years doing what comes naturally. I have programmed by body and my soul to respond to certain situations or stimuli in strictly natural ways. Like one of Pavlov's dogs I hear the "bell" of stress and turn to escape. I hear the bell of difficulty and turn to procrastination. I have a natural tendency to turn away from God, and to seek my own way, and I have further strengthened these natural tendencies by developing sinful habits of heart, mind, and body.
Everyone of us has turned away from God. We turn away from the Fountain of Living Water and dig cisterns for ourselves, broken cisterns that can't even hold water. I have returned to my cisterns so often that there are now deep ruts leading to them. It is hard to pull in another direction when my nature and my habitual way of living lead me down the well worn path. My culture in another accomplice to my crimes. Our cultures normalize and enshrine our cisterns. We are surrounded by others not only doing the same things but also giving approval to our choices. They actively recruit people to drink from the cisterns, and profit off of the enslavement to the natural.
God offers us freedom. He offers us His very Spirit to live inside of us and lead us to new ways of living. If we say that we don't need Him we lie. If we say we don't sin, we lie. But, if we confess our sins He is faithful and just to forgive us and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. From that place of humble surrender and gracious forgiveness He leads us, as often as we need it, back to the Fountain of Living Water.
As we try to forget what is behind and press on for the prize, He is at work within us to will and to work His good pleasure for us. The ruts are still there, but He calls us to abandon them, He empowers us to choose the supernatural life over the natural. We are not alone. He will never leave us or forsake us. It may always be more natural for me to sin than to live like Jesus, but it is getting a little easier than it used to be. The road is long, the temptations are great, but greater is He who is in us than He who is in the World.
Everyone of us has turned away from God. We turn away from the Fountain of Living Water and dig cisterns for ourselves, broken cisterns that can't even hold water. I have returned to my cisterns so often that there are now deep ruts leading to them. It is hard to pull in another direction when my nature and my habitual way of living lead me down the well worn path. My culture in another accomplice to my crimes. Our cultures normalize and enshrine our cisterns. We are surrounded by others not only doing the same things but also giving approval to our choices. They actively recruit people to drink from the cisterns, and profit off of the enslavement to the natural.
God offers us freedom. He offers us His very Spirit to live inside of us and lead us to new ways of living. If we say that we don't need Him we lie. If we say we don't sin, we lie. But, if we confess our sins He is faithful and just to forgive us and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. From that place of humble surrender and gracious forgiveness He leads us, as often as we need it, back to the Fountain of Living Water.
As we try to forget what is behind and press on for the prize, He is at work within us to will and to work His good pleasure for us. The ruts are still there, but He calls us to abandon them, He empowers us to choose the supernatural life over the natural. We are not alone. He will never leave us or forsake us. It may always be more natural for me to sin than to live like Jesus, but it is getting a little easier than it used to be. The road is long, the temptations are great, but greater is He who is in us than He who is in the World.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
The One Fixed Point
I have never had any desire to be a nomad. Nomads have no fixed home, instead they move from place to place taking whatever they can carry with them as they travel. Most nomads are pastoralists, driving their herds to the places where they can be find food and water and shelter from whatever weather is threatening them. My family and I are nomads, but we're not the ones doing the driving or choosing the next location, or even the time to move. We are nomads being driven along by God.
During the exodus, the Israelites left their homes and the only life they had ever known to follow God out of slavery and into the Promised Land. But, before He took them to the promised land, He trained them to follow Him and to trust Him. He appeared to them in a pillar of cloud by day and a pillar of fire by night. Whenever the pillar would move on, they would follow. Whenever the pillar would stop, they would stop. This has been something like my experience. Sometimes we have lived someplace for years, the longest has been 6 years, and sometimes for just days.
For the last 10 months we have been particularly nomadic. It is really wearing on us. Even after more than 10 years of a generally nomadic existence we still long for stability. We long for a little patch of earth with some kind of structure on it to be "our home". When we don't have this we feel unstable in our souls. I wasn't raised to be a nomad. It just doesn't feel right to me. I want a stable place that belongs to me; my own personal castle and private domain. Ah, there's the rub! God wants all of me, and He wants to be the Lord of every part of me, which leaves me know personal domain, no private fiefdom.
In the second book of C. S. Lewis' Space Trilogy, Paralandra, the one command that God gives to the perfect couple is that they live on the ever moving islands of paradise and never spend the night on the fixed land. As the protagonist struggles to understand the command he realizes that it is because God wants to remain their one fixed point. As long as they are on the moving islands they have to totally trust in Him. Their obedience demonstrates their trust in Him.
God is training me like the Israelites of old to trust in Him, to follow Him, o rely on Him. And like the Israelites of old I resist the training. I fail to trust, I fail to rely, but I can not fail to follow.
During the exodus, the Israelites left their homes and the only life they had ever known to follow God out of slavery and into the Promised Land. But, before He took them to the promised land, He trained them to follow Him and to trust Him. He appeared to them in a pillar of cloud by day and a pillar of fire by night. Whenever the pillar would move on, they would follow. Whenever the pillar would stop, they would stop. This has been something like my experience. Sometimes we have lived someplace for years, the longest has been 6 years, and sometimes for just days.
For the last 10 months we have been particularly nomadic. It is really wearing on us. Even after more than 10 years of a generally nomadic existence we still long for stability. We long for a little patch of earth with some kind of structure on it to be "our home". When we don't have this we feel unstable in our souls. I wasn't raised to be a nomad. It just doesn't feel right to me. I want a stable place that belongs to me; my own personal castle and private domain. Ah, there's the rub! God wants all of me, and He wants to be the Lord of every part of me, which leaves me know personal domain, no private fiefdom.
In the second book of C. S. Lewis' Space Trilogy, Paralandra, the one command that God gives to the perfect couple is that they live on the ever moving islands of paradise and never spend the night on the fixed land. As the protagonist struggles to understand the command he realizes that it is because God wants to remain their one fixed point. As long as they are on the moving islands they have to totally trust in Him. Their obedience demonstrates their trust in Him.
God is training me like the Israelites of old to trust in Him, to follow Him, o rely on Him. And like the Israelites of old I resist the training. I fail to trust, I fail to rely, but I can not fail to follow.
Monday, April 20, 2009
Losing Focus
Yesterday I was humbled by worship yet again. I was standing at a church service when God ambushed me again through the words of a song. He has a tendency to sneak past my defenses as I worship in song. This time it was the line "there is one great love" from David Crowder's version of "O For a Thousand Tongues to Sing". All of a sudden, as I was singing those words, I was convicted and comforted all at the same time.
I was struck by my adulterous heart and how prone it is to wander from the God I love. (And even as I type I recognize that those last few words are from "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing", the residual effects of a previous worship ambush). I lose focus SO easily. There in that moment, I was reminded that there is one great love, one consuming passion, that drives me, or at least should drive me. I was reminded of how I had spent the last 2 nights staying up WAY too late playing a video game. The video game was not the problem as there is nothing particular objectionable in the game I was playing, but rather as I was playing in the wee hours of the morning I was aware of the time and that I should really turn it off. There was a voice in my head saying something like, "Is this really that important? You'll be sorry tomorrow. You'll be tired and cranky. How will you love your kids well? How will you love your wife well? How will you be able to spend time with me?" I am not confident enough to say that it was the voice of God clearly speaking those words in my head, rather an impression in my soul that when verbalized takes on those words.
The interesting thing was my response in that moment. I simply blocked out the impression. I choose to ignore the wisdom of God. Sure enough, the next morning I was tired and cranky and sorry I had stayed up so late. But, here's the irony, I did the same thing again the next night. And again, the next night, I blocked out the voice, like a child putting his fingers in his ears and shouting, "LA LA LA LA LA LA, I CAN'T HEAR YOU!!!" I decided to do what I wanted to do, what felt good at the moment, regardless of the consequences. I praise God that my addictions are relatively less damaging than the ones I used to indulge, but the problem of my heart is just the same. I lose focus much too easily and have a proclivity for willfulness. I say I want to pursue God and to learn to hear His voice and obey, and yet I am prone to wander.
So, during worship, when I was singing, God reminded me that there is "one great love: Jesus" and that He loves me, even when I am a willful knucklehead. He really is worth listening too. He really is worth pursuing. He really is my one great love. I just forget to remember.
I was struck by my adulterous heart and how prone it is to wander from the God I love. (And even as I type I recognize that those last few words are from "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing", the residual effects of a previous worship ambush). I lose focus SO easily. There in that moment, I was reminded that there is one great love, one consuming passion, that drives me, or at least should drive me. I was reminded of how I had spent the last 2 nights staying up WAY too late playing a video game. The video game was not the problem as there is nothing particular objectionable in the game I was playing, but rather as I was playing in the wee hours of the morning I was aware of the time and that I should really turn it off. There was a voice in my head saying something like, "Is this really that important? You'll be sorry tomorrow. You'll be tired and cranky. How will you love your kids well? How will you love your wife well? How will you be able to spend time with me?" I am not confident enough to say that it was the voice of God clearly speaking those words in my head, rather an impression in my soul that when verbalized takes on those words.
The interesting thing was my response in that moment. I simply blocked out the impression. I choose to ignore the wisdom of God. Sure enough, the next morning I was tired and cranky and sorry I had stayed up so late. But, here's the irony, I did the same thing again the next night. And again, the next night, I blocked out the voice, like a child putting his fingers in his ears and shouting, "LA LA LA LA LA LA, I CAN'T HEAR YOU!!!" I decided to do what I wanted to do, what felt good at the moment, regardless of the consequences. I praise God that my addictions are relatively less damaging than the ones I used to indulge, but the problem of my heart is just the same. I lose focus much too easily and have a proclivity for willfulness. I say I want to pursue God and to learn to hear His voice and obey, and yet I am prone to wander.
So, during worship, when I was singing, God reminded me that there is "one great love: Jesus" and that He loves me, even when I am a willful knucklehead. He really is worth listening too. He really is worth pursuing. He really is my one great love. I just forget to remember.
Sunday, July 20, 2008
On The Road
I have been traveling for the last couple of weeks, thus the lack of blogging. Actually I am not just traveling, I am in the process of moving. I have packed up my household and have entered into a type of nebulous and nomadic existence. I feel like the Lord has asked me to leave where we were living and working and to follow Him to the place where He will show us. At this point we have no solid idea of where that will be, but we have left our home behind in an attempt to follow. We are trusting that He will guide and direct us in His good time and that He will not abandon us along the road.
This is definitely a faith journey as well as a physical one. If I am honest there is a niggling fear at the back of my mind that having pulled up stakes we might find ourselves wandering in a desert without a guide. I hear the desperation in Moses prayer, "If you do not go with us, please don't make us go!" There is the fear that perhaps He has led us out into this wilderness and will not lead us to the other side. There is also a real fear that perhaps we have misheard or misunderstood. I want to know the destination and how to get there, but He refuses to tell me. I find myself longing for a road map more than for a pillar of fire and smoke. Instead He is with me on the journey and assures me of His presence. He asks me to trust Him and to simply walk with Him day by day.
I am comforted by the fact that He has never abandoned us. He has been faithful to guide us and direct us every step of the way. It is true that this guidance was not always with manifest presence, but it is clear in hindsight. Looking back I can see that He has been ever present and has been guiding me in paths of righteousness for His Name's sake. He will not abandon me because He promises never to leave me or forsake me. He promises to be with me always, even to the end of the age. His honor and glory are at stake.
So, we have ventured out into the unknown, not knowing what is before us and trusting that He truly has spoken to us and beckoned us to follow Him into this wilderness. I trust that He has many lessons to teach us on this journey as He taught the Israelites in the deserts of Sinai.
This is definitely a faith journey as well as a physical one. If I am honest there is a niggling fear at the back of my mind that having pulled up stakes we might find ourselves wandering in a desert without a guide. I hear the desperation in Moses prayer, "If you do not go with us, please don't make us go!" There is the fear that perhaps He has led us out into this wilderness and will not lead us to the other side. There is also a real fear that perhaps we have misheard or misunderstood. I want to know the destination and how to get there, but He refuses to tell me. I find myself longing for a road map more than for a pillar of fire and smoke. Instead He is with me on the journey and assures me of His presence. He asks me to trust Him and to simply walk with Him day by day.
I am comforted by the fact that He has never abandoned us. He has been faithful to guide us and direct us every step of the way. It is true that this guidance was not always with manifest presence, but it is clear in hindsight. Looking back I can see that He has been ever present and has been guiding me in paths of righteousness for His Name's sake. He will not abandon me because He promises never to leave me or forsake me. He promises to be with me always, even to the end of the age. His honor and glory are at stake.
So, we have ventured out into the unknown, not knowing what is before us and trusting that He truly has spoken to us and beckoned us to follow Him into this wilderness. I trust that He has many lessons to teach us on this journey as He taught the Israelites in the deserts of Sinai.
Friday, June 20, 2008
The book I'm reading
I find myself both challenged and encouraged by the book I'm reading, "The Voice of Jesus" by Gordon T. Smith. It is the latest in a series of books I've been reading about prayer and developing my relationship with God. Smith starts by looking at three Christian thinkers who wrestled with how God speaks with us. What is interesting is that he has selected Ignatius Loyola (the founder of the Jesuits), John Wesley (the founder of Methodism), and Jonathan Edwards (the profound American Reformed pastor and theologian).
Although these three men are from three different traditions they agree that God speaks to us personally. I long to hear from God with greater frequency and clarity and this book has been an encouragement to me that this is not a futile pursuit. I believe that there is much more potential to hear from Him than is generally acknowledged. I believe that I can train myself to hear His voice if I will but invest my time and energy in that direction. I believe that we give up too easily and settle for so much less than is available to us.
Although these three men are from three different traditions they agree that God speaks to us personally. I long to hear from God with greater frequency and clarity and this book has been an encouragement to me that this is not a futile pursuit. I believe that there is much more potential to hear from Him than is generally acknowledged. I believe that I can train myself to hear His voice if I will but invest my time and energy in that direction. I believe that we give up too easily and settle for so much less than is available to us.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Meeting with God
Every day is filled with opportunities to meet with God. Every day is laden with the possibility for a divine ambush. To meet with God is an honor and a privilege that is available to everyone, but one that is fraught with danger, for you never know what God will do, or say.
God does not exist for us, but rather the other way around. In Him we live and move and have our being. He created all things, and all things were created by and for Him. He owns all things, myself included. So, to meet with Him is to meet with the awesome and terrifying King of the Universe. It is an audience with Immensity. It is a conversation with unbridled Power, Wisdom, and Glory.
It is a gift beyond measure that we can waltz into the Holy of Holies with reckless abandon. We can meet with the Immutable God without fear. For God Himself has made a way for us. He laid down His life so that we can have real life. The veil has been torn, and we now have direct access to the Father. We assume this tremendous privilege because we have always had this level of intimacy available to us, as has everyone that we have ever known, but it was not always this way. The saints and prophets of old longed for this, but died longing for what we take for granted.
So, today, I set aside time again to meet with Him. He does not always meet with me in special ways, but I set the time aside and dedicate it to seeking His face. Sometimes He visits me in special ways, and sometimes I spend the time in study and prayer with no special visitation. I have grown to enjoy both kinds of times. To be honest the times of studying His Word and intercessory prayer are often more peaceful and less painful. For when He comes, He pursues me with an intentionality and intensity that often leaves me sore from the probing of my heart.
Today was one of those times when He spoke to me. He probed my heart again and showed me that many of my decisions are made from my own desires. He graciously pressed down on some tender spots and directed me toward the place of growth for me. Unfortunately, or so it feels, that place is the crucible of isolation and obscurity. There is much more winnowing to be done in my heart. It is for my own good, and I am grateful for it, but the threshing sledge falls with terrible force to crack the husks and release the grain trapped inside. I am grateful for the meeting, if still a little sore. But it's a good sore, like the tenderness of muscles after a long, hard work out. A tenderness that speaks not of brokenness alone, but of a strength that is growing; the pain in the price of growth.
God does not exist for us, but rather the other way around. In Him we live and move and have our being. He created all things, and all things were created by and for Him. He owns all things, myself included. So, to meet with Him is to meet with the awesome and terrifying King of the Universe. It is an audience with Immensity. It is a conversation with unbridled Power, Wisdom, and Glory.
It is a gift beyond measure that we can waltz into the Holy of Holies with reckless abandon. We can meet with the Immutable God without fear. For God Himself has made a way for us. He laid down His life so that we can have real life. The veil has been torn, and we now have direct access to the Father. We assume this tremendous privilege because we have always had this level of intimacy available to us, as has everyone that we have ever known, but it was not always this way. The saints and prophets of old longed for this, but died longing for what we take for granted.
So, today, I set aside time again to meet with Him. He does not always meet with me in special ways, but I set the time aside and dedicate it to seeking His face. Sometimes He visits me in special ways, and sometimes I spend the time in study and prayer with no special visitation. I have grown to enjoy both kinds of times. To be honest the times of studying His Word and intercessory prayer are often more peaceful and less painful. For when He comes, He pursues me with an intentionality and intensity that often leaves me sore from the probing of my heart.
Today was one of those times when He spoke to me. He probed my heart again and showed me that many of my decisions are made from my own desires. He graciously pressed down on some tender spots and directed me toward the place of growth for me. Unfortunately, or so it feels, that place is the crucible of isolation and obscurity. There is much more winnowing to be done in my heart. It is for my own good, and I am grateful for it, but the threshing sledge falls with terrible force to crack the husks and release the grain trapped inside. I am grateful for the meeting, if still a little sore. But it's a good sore, like the tenderness of muscles after a long, hard work out. A tenderness that speaks not of brokenness alone, but of a strength that is growing; the pain in the price of growth.
Friday, June 6, 2008
Expectations
I am in the first day of my fasting and prayer in pursuit of God. I want to quiet myself before Him, and to not let go of Him until He blesses me.
On the other hand, I'm wondering what my expectations should be. I don't know if I'm desiring a level of intimacy and connection that will only be available to me in heaven. I don't know if I'm being selfish and demanding. I want Him to meet with me. I want to hear from Him. I have had that experience before, but I feel like this time I am more desperate. I wonder if I'm pushing myself too hard in seeking something that is unrealistic. I know that I haven't pushed myself much at all.
This morning as I was wondering about this I was reminded of 1 Tim. 4:7b-8. "...train yourself to be godly. For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come." I know that I have spent precious little effort training myself to be godly. So, while I don't know where this will lead, I feel like it's time for me to take this training seriously.
On the other hand, I'm wondering what my expectations should be. I don't know if I'm desiring a level of intimacy and connection that will only be available to me in heaven. I don't know if I'm being selfish and demanding. I want Him to meet with me. I want to hear from Him. I have had that experience before, but I feel like this time I am more desperate. I wonder if I'm pushing myself too hard in seeking something that is unrealistic. I know that I haven't pushed myself much at all.
This morning as I was wondering about this I was reminded of 1 Tim. 4:7b-8. "...train yourself to be godly. For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come." I know that I have spent precious little effort training myself to be godly. So, while I don't know where this will lead, I feel like it's time for me to take this training seriously.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
