Just One More

I just got back from a long walk through the country side, across the cliff tops, and along the beach. I am pondering some of the things that I learned along the way. There is probably more than can be reasonably put into one blog... So I'll start with this: I always need to do just one more thing.

Today, I walked farther than I intended. The thing about walking is that the farther you go, the longer it will take to get back. Every step forward to see what is around the next point or over the next hill, is a step you will have travel again on the way back. As my curiosity carried me farther and farther from home, I  learned (again) that I have a hard time stopping. I set out with a specific goal in mind, a castle on the coast that is just a little farther than I usually walk. An hour later, as I drew near to the castle, I was eyeing the point on the coast beyond the castle. As I rounded that point, I saw an interesting rock formation calling out for investigation and another point beyond that. I just kept going.

In our family, we joke about my proclivity for more. We say, "If 1 is good then 2 is better. If 2 is good then 3 is outstanding. If 3 is good then 4 is tremendous." I remember one of the earliest commercials for MTV featured Billy Idol saying, "Too much is never enough!" I probably remember that ad because it so captures my approach to life.

I saw it again today. I went farther than I should have and so other things I needed to do were left undone. Nothing major, but it was another reminder of the difference between my intentions and my actions.

Today on the quietness of the deserted beach I found myself wondering about why I do this. Why do I always want to see what is around the next point? Why do I always want to do one last email? Why do I always want to play one more turn of a game, read one more chapter, watch one more episode of a sitcom, or watch one more movie? I am so grateful that the "more" things are not as damaging as the things that I once hungered for, but what is up with my seemingly insatiable desire for "just one more"?

A Poem

I can't remember the last time I wrote a poem, but I think it has to be more than a decade ago. The first few lines spontaneously sprang to mind on a wild and wet coastal walk. So, without further ado...

I Worship You

Wind whipped white caps on a sea of muddy slate
Sideways rain sweeps over the land, stinging my face
All this power is nothing at all compared to you
I’m in awe of all that you are, I worship you
As I stand in this place, I am awed by your grace
I throw open my arm, I’m enthralled by your charms
And I worship you

We visit the doctor searching for reasons for the pain
He says it’s cancer and that’s not the answer we hoped he’d explain
My child is sick and I can’t make sense of the suffering
I know you’re here but I can’t help wondering what to think
As I take it in, my head starts to spin
In this desperate hour, I’m in need of your power
And I worship you

Hate filled cries ring overhead screaming “God is great”
Rocks are thrown and bullets reply there is no restraint
Peace refuses to break out and calm declines to reign
As the blood flows, the guilt grows there’s no end of pain
In times like this, there’s an absence of bliss
Your voice seems so distant; I want you in this instant
And I worship you

Chasing Bubbles

Today was a wild day at the beach.  The wind was howling and  I was able to walk along the sandy expanse of the ocean floor exposed by the retreating tide.  The sun was still low in the sky and cast a shimmering glow over everything.  The water was choppy and the waves rough as they pounded the beach with foamy repetition.  The bubbly foam pushed up and down the beach by the waves.  As the waves retreated bits of foam and some bubbles were stranded on the wet strand.  These were blown sideways across the beach. 

As I enjoyed the wild expanse and watched the oncoming rush of clouds my dog, Oreo, ran wild.  We had the beach to ourselves and she ran here and there snapping at the wind and rushing at the waves.  But today her favorite game was chasing bubbles.  As she ran along, she would catch the movement of a bubble running across the top of the wet sand and would immediately change directions and attempt to grab the bubble.  As she pounced on or closed her jaws over the bubble, it would immediately burst and disappear.  She would pause for just a moment as if puzzled.  Then another bubble would catch her eye and she was off again.

As I watched this I began to wonder how much of our lives we spend chasing bubbles.  How many times does something catch our eye and we are off in a flash to get it?  We chase down our quarry and just as we close our fists on the object of our desire we find that it is not as substantial as we imagined.  We lay hold of it only to find that it does not deliver what we anticipated.  But, rather than learn the lesson we are almost immediately distracted by another opportunity, another thing that we can pursue.  Surely this one will be different!  Surely this time it will be the thing that makes us happy, eases our pain, gives us enduring pleasure, or fills our soul!  But again we find that it fails to satisfy.  Rather than stopping to wonder about the futility of the game, we frenetic pursue the empty spheres. 

We find that all around us others play the same game with subtle variations.  We have different preferences in our pursuits.  The bubbles we chase may be slightly different in size or color, but our perpetual idolatry is continually encouraged by our hungry flesh, the world around us, and the enemy of our souls.  God calls us to something different.  He calls us to walk with Him.  He calls us to rest in Him, to trust in Him.  He calls us to engage with Him.  He will fill our souls and leave us strangely longing for more at the same time.  He will give us substantial pleasures to enjoy as we walk with Him.  He is a wild and free Father and loves to give good gifts to His children.  Real gifts that we can sink our teeth into, the most important of which is God Himself.

Production and Patience

I find myself torn between two poles.  On the one hand I feel strongly that we are engaged in a battle and that we must be zealous and active in the fight.  On the other hand, I know that God is sovereign and is in control of all things. I was thinking and praying about this as I walked on the beach the morning.  I was feeling SO burdened by some specific situations.  I was moved by the immediacy of the problems and was interceding.  I was begging God to bare His arm and win the victory.  I was on the verge of despair that He could do anything, or would do anything, when I noticed the action of the waves.  The tide was going out, so the waves were not crashing, but instead gently rolling up and down between the rocks and over the sand.  I noticed that the rocks were well worn; some had taken on impossible shapes beneath the steady motion of the waves.  I saw the sand being pushed up and down the beach by the surf.  I saw small pebbles rolling around beneath the water, on their way to becoming sand themselves. It was then I was reminded of the inexorable coming of the Kingdom of God.

God is moving and His Kingdom is coming, but all in His own mysterious time and paradoxical ways.  I feel such an urgency an impatience for God to move!  I want His Kingdom to come and His will to be done NOW!  I don't think this is all bad, but I see that our sense of urgency and activity often leads us to make subtle choices that lead us away from dependence on God.  It seems that what we want is results, people saved, children fed, schools built, churches planted, families transformed, or cultures redeemed.  Being heirs to the industrial and information revolutions, we then set out to design and build systems that will efficiently and effectively produce the results that we need, that we believe God wants to see happen.

Unfortunately, our reliance on these systems and our efforts to perfect them often causes us to lose our way.  Ultimately our goal is not the production of particular results, good though they may be, but rather, as Jesus taught, God's Kingdom to come and His will to be done on earth as it is in heaven.   The reign of God is massive!  It is much bigger and more complex than we can imagine.  We understand very little about the universe we live in, and even less about the God who created it all.  His Kingdom is mysterious and even paradoxical.  It has so many aspects, contains so many interactions, and has so many simultaneously moving parts!  It is organic and dynamic, it cannot be placed under a microscope and dissected to unlock the secrets.  When we attempt to do this, we reduce the movement of the Spirit to the distillation and application of principles.  We lose the life of the Spirit, but we gain the illusion of control and efficiency.

Oh, but we are an impatient people!  The movement of God sometimes takes much longer than we would expect.  The waves are an ineffecient way to shape stones and to make sand.  So, we devise machines.  We research, discover, and apply the laws of physics and harness what powers we can to accomplish our goals.  We are efficient and effective as we improve upon God's methods.  We never equal His grace and beauty, but no matter because we can do it faster.  Unfortunately, there is more to what God is doing with the waves than just making sand, more than we can possibly understand.

When we skip the process to achieve the end we end up missing both.  We can produce sand and gravel from stones, but that is only a small part of what God is doing; one small part of His grand design.  The marvelous interactions of all that is happening on the beach are part of an intricate dance that we can pick apart but never duplicate.  Behind it all is the hidden hand of God.  He calls us to enter in with Him and to take an active role, but also not to overestimate our own prowess or importance.  We are each like one wave on the beach.  We matter, we have a role, but it is all so much bigger than us.  So, we must take our part in the line of waves accomplishing the will of God by measures and asking Him to give us both the patience and the endurance to keep going.