As I was reading this morning in Proverbs 28 I came across a verse that I had highlighted, underlined, and circled, but still had the ability to shock and convict me as the Spirit used it once again to probe my heart and bring me to my knees in humble worship. It is verse 13 which reads, “He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy.”
My first response was just to praise God for this clear Old Testament expression of a core teaching of our faith. Here is the difference between Christianity and all other religions. The parallel and only slightly more clear New Testament passage is found in First John 1:9 which says, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” I love the simplicity and am in awe of the power of these passages. I love that God doesn’t expect us to be perfect but that forgiveness and mercy are available if we confess our sins.
As I re-read the verse in Proverbs again, I was faced with the question, am I concealing my sin? As I paused and reflected I was struck by the fact that there was something that I had concealed. I was faced again with my ability to rationalize and deceive even myself, but again was moved to praise by God’s gentle but severe mercy in probing my heart to reveal those places where I was hiding this darkness. I find that most of my concealment is in the form of rationalization. It’s not that I have some obviously evil thing that I am doing or have done that I am hiding from the world. It’s that I can yield to temptation in small ways during the course of my day, all the while pretending that it isn’t sin at all.
One of the primary forms of rationalization is when I compare my conduct to what it might have been. I tell myself that at least I didn’t do “that” , sure it probably wasn’t great that I did “this” but it’s actually good because I didn’t push farther into the darkness. So actually this is a sort of victory. Yeah, that’s it! How great that I didn’t go farther down the road that I started down! So, instead of confessing the failure, throwing myself on the mercy of God and receiving the full forgiveness and cleansing that He promises. I now have this familiar pathway toward sin that is allowed because it isn’t as bad as other sins farther down the road. The fact is that I must be ruthless in stamping out the sin in my life, in my heart. The question isn’t how far down the road I got, but rather that turning down the road at all is a yielding to temptation as the more comfortable I get in yielding, even in “small ways” the more easy it is to grieve the Spirit and to harden my heart.
I am reminded of Psalm 95:8b-9a, “Today if you hear his voice do not harden your hearts as you did at Meribah…” The people heard the voice of God, but they hardened their hearts and would not listen to Him. What I am after, what I believe God has for me is a conversational relationship with Him, a real relationship of Father to son, as friend to friend. This is what was lost in the garden and this is what Jesus came do demonstrate and to restore. When I rationalize my sin or conceal my sin in other ways I am false to myself and to Him. Deception of myself or others is always an obstacle to true relationship and intimacy.
I am so grateful for the Word of God and for the Spirit of God which again today probed my heart and moved me to repentance. In that moment, uncomfortable as it was, I experienced what my heart longs for, a real conversation with God.
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Fighting From a Distance
I spend a lot of time in a room by myself It is easy to feel cut off from the world, cut off from what God is doing I spend time reading, praying, talking on the phone, and a lot of time sitting in front of a computer, typing. I do my best to discern what God would have me do, and often He asks me to do more praying and writing. So, once again I find myself in a room alone. I find myself struggling to feel useful, struggling for the dignity that comes from accomplishing something of consequence, something useful, something important.
Today I talked with a friend. She shared with me all the things that she had seen God do through her and through her husband in the last few weeks. I rejoiced with her and was overjoyed to hear the way that God had worked and glorified Himself in and through them. After I got off the phone I was once again alone in my office. I found myself feeling bothered and wondering why God was using them while I was stuck here in my room. I started to feel jealous and upset that I was sitting here and doing commonplace things while they were out on the battlefield winning great victories for God. As I started to feel bitter I was suddenly reminded of the way that God moved me to pray for them before and during their ministry trip. I got a sort of picture in my head.
I was like a man standing on a battlefield immediately following a battle. Our side had won the battle and I felt joy and satisfaction. But, I was not a soldier. I was looking on not as one who had fought on the front lines to vanquish the foe, but as one who had trained the soldiers, one who had helped them form strategies, one who had provided the weapons with which they fought. None of the glory was mine, and yet I had played a significant part in the battle. In fact, the battle could not have been won if not for me and for others who had supported the troops who fought.
As I reflected on this picture I realized that there is a joy and a sense of triumph that is rightfully mine when a victory is won by those whom I support. I feel a sense of ownership and accomplishment through my participation in the work. I will get no accolades and no glory, but in some way I share in the victory by doing the tasks that He has assigned to me. I play a part on the battle even though I am not on the battlefield. All the work is God’s. All the plans are God’s. All the battles are God’s. All the victories are God’s. Therefore, all the glory is God’s.
But God uses means to accomplish His goals, and He usually uses men to do His work. My part of the work may not be glorious in the eyes of man, or my own eyes for that matter, but it is the work that He has uniquely gifted and called me to do. The part that I play is the part that He has assigned to me. Only He knows the master strategy, only He knows the end from the beginning. The victory and the glory are His alone, but He gives us dignity by investing us with real power to make a difference. He gives us the ability to make real choices. From the very beginning God has chosen to work through Man on earth. He gave Adam and Eve the ability to make choices. Their choice to eat the fruit from the forbidden tree has had drastic repercussions for all of humanity. The fact is that we all make choices everyday without having the slightest idea of the potential consequences for even the most mundane decisions; even so, our choices matter.
I have to choose everyday to listen and obey His voice and to obey His commands, even in the seemingly ordinary things of life. We each have a role to play, a role in His plan, a contribution to make to His victory, a task that will contribute to His glory. If He wants me to write and to pray then there is nothing else that I can do that will bring Him more glory than that. If we each do our part, we will be doing all that we can to see His Kingdom come and His will be done on earth as it is in heaven.
Today I talked with a friend. She shared with me all the things that she had seen God do through her and through her husband in the last few weeks. I rejoiced with her and was overjoyed to hear the way that God had worked and glorified Himself in and through them. After I got off the phone I was once again alone in my office. I found myself feeling bothered and wondering why God was using them while I was stuck here in my room. I started to feel jealous and upset that I was sitting here and doing commonplace things while they were out on the battlefield winning great victories for God. As I started to feel bitter I was suddenly reminded of the way that God moved me to pray for them before and during their ministry trip. I got a sort of picture in my head.
I was like a man standing on a battlefield immediately following a battle. Our side had won the battle and I felt joy and satisfaction. But, I was not a soldier. I was looking on not as one who had fought on the front lines to vanquish the foe, but as one who had trained the soldiers, one who had helped them form strategies, one who had provided the weapons with which they fought. None of the glory was mine, and yet I had played a significant part in the battle. In fact, the battle could not have been won if not for me and for others who had supported the troops who fought.
As I reflected on this picture I realized that there is a joy and a sense of triumph that is rightfully mine when a victory is won by those whom I support. I feel a sense of ownership and accomplishment through my participation in the work. I will get no accolades and no glory, but in some way I share in the victory by doing the tasks that He has assigned to me. I play a part on the battle even though I am not on the battlefield. All the work is God’s. All the plans are God’s. All the battles are God’s. All the victories are God’s. Therefore, all the glory is God’s.
But God uses means to accomplish His goals, and He usually uses men to do His work. My part of the work may not be glorious in the eyes of man, or my own eyes for that matter, but it is the work that He has uniquely gifted and called me to do. The part that I play is the part that He has assigned to me. Only He knows the master strategy, only He knows the end from the beginning. The victory and the glory are His alone, but He gives us dignity by investing us with real power to make a difference. He gives us the ability to make real choices. From the very beginning God has chosen to work through Man on earth. He gave Adam and Eve the ability to make choices. Their choice to eat the fruit from the forbidden tree has had drastic repercussions for all of humanity. The fact is that we all make choices everyday without having the slightest idea of the potential consequences for even the most mundane decisions; even so, our choices matter.
I have to choose everyday to listen and obey His voice and to obey His commands, even in the seemingly ordinary things of life. We each have a role to play, a role in His plan, a contribution to make to His victory, a task that will contribute to His glory. If He wants me to write and to pray then there is nothing else that I can do that will bring Him more glory than that. If we each do our part, we will be doing all that we can to see His Kingdom come and His will be done on earth as it is in heaven.
Thursday, June 7, 2007
What Entertains Me?
Proverbs tells us that “folly delights the heart of a fool”. If that is true, then I must be a fool. I look at what entertains me, I look at what I want to consume in the media and I have to admit that it is folly. How much of what passes today for news is just gossip. How much of the news is really what the Germans call schadenfreude, meaning to delight in the misfortune of others. Rather than being moved to compassion, we gloat and mock those who suffer from their own poor choices or the choices of others. We have elevated mockery to an art form and it now passes for comedy. I know because I am amused by it.
This morning I read Psalm 12:8 which reads, “The wicked freely strut about when what is vile is honored among men.” I was struck that this is an apt description of our times. Our culture is a mess. We exalt lust, greed, and all kinds of sin. Not only do we do evil, but we heartily encourage others to do it. We are not content to wreck our own families and kill our own children in the womb, but we export our twisted values around the world. While I do not approve of the jihadists who label America “the great Satan”, I can understand what has so angered them.
But I am a study in contrast, because I find myself simultaneously repulsed by what I observe and strangely drawn to it. Like a man who sees a tragic accident about to happen, but who cannot avert his eyes, but watches it unfold with sickened fascination. I have grown accustomed to evil. It is said that familiarity breeds contempt. The first time you witness evil it is sickening and traumatic, the second time is shocking, the third time it is surprising, and by the fourth and fifth time it is accepted as normal. I have been desensitized by the sheer volume of evil on constant display every where I look. I cannot walk down the street without seeing more flesh on display than our forefathers could have imagined in a brothel. Does it sicken me? Not so much. At the least my eyes gloss over it, but more often than not I feel the desire for a surreptitious glance in the direction of the lurid display.
What is vile is honored among men. We are entertained by meanness and vanity. Revenge has replace justice and cunning has replaced honor. The good and pure are people to be pitied or mocked and are not by any means to be emulated. We are a generation of cynics, scoffers, and mockers. We are biting and devouring each other, and those who excel at this we pay handsomely and call them comedians and entertainers. I have allowed my culture to define what is funny, what is entertaining. I drink down what the world serves up. More than that, I hunger and thirst for it. I want more entertainment, more escape. No sooner do I finish one helping then I begin to wonder what the next helping will be.
Whether through print media, television, movies, music, or the ubiquitous internet, a constant stream of delicious poison is available to us, and I feel like I just can’t get enough. I can hardly wait for the next opportunity to turn off my mind, shut down my filters, and retreat to a semi-vegetative state while filling my find with banality or worse with toxic thoughts and images that slowly and subtly warp me while creating a hunger for more. I feel it is natural, normal, in fact, it is my right to be amused, even to amuse myself to death.
Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or worthy of praise – let your minds dwell on such things. Lord, rescue your people! Oh Lord rescue me from the quagmire I have helped to create through my participation. Help me to be in the world, but not of the world.
This morning I read Psalm 12:8 which reads, “The wicked freely strut about when what is vile is honored among men.” I was struck that this is an apt description of our times. Our culture is a mess. We exalt lust, greed, and all kinds of sin. Not only do we do evil, but we heartily encourage others to do it. We are not content to wreck our own families and kill our own children in the womb, but we export our twisted values around the world. While I do not approve of the jihadists who label America “the great Satan”, I can understand what has so angered them.
But I am a study in contrast, because I find myself simultaneously repulsed by what I observe and strangely drawn to it. Like a man who sees a tragic accident about to happen, but who cannot avert his eyes, but watches it unfold with sickened fascination. I have grown accustomed to evil. It is said that familiarity breeds contempt. The first time you witness evil it is sickening and traumatic, the second time is shocking, the third time it is surprising, and by the fourth and fifth time it is accepted as normal. I have been desensitized by the sheer volume of evil on constant display every where I look. I cannot walk down the street without seeing more flesh on display than our forefathers could have imagined in a brothel. Does it sicken me? Not so much. At the least my eyes gloss over it, but more often than not I feel the desire for a surreptitious glance in the direction of the lurid display.
What is vile is honored among men. We are entertained by meanness and vanity. Revenge has replace justice and cunning has replaced honor. The good and pure are people to be pitied or mocked and are not by any means to be emulated. We are a generation of cynics, scoffers, and mockers. We are biting and devouring each other, and those who excel at this we pay handsomely and call them comedians and entertainers. I have allowed my culture to define what is funny, what is entertaining. I drink down what the world serves up. More than that, I hunger and thirst for it. I want more entertainment, more escape. No sooner do I finish one helping then I begin to wonder what the next helping will be.
Whether through print media, television, movies, music, or the ubiquitous internet, a constant stream of delicious poison is available to us, and I feel like I just can’t get enough. I can hardly wait for the next opportunity to turn off my mind, shut down my filters, and retreat to a semi-vegetative state while filling my find with banality or worse with toxic thoughts and images that slowly and subtly warp me while creating a hunger for more. I feel it is natural, normal, in fact, it is my right to be amused, even to amuse myself to death.
Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or worthy of praise – let your minds dwell on such things. Lord, rescue your people! Oh Lord rescue me from the quagmire I have helped to create through my participation. Help me to be in the world, but not of the world.
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