A Letter to the World

I am participating in the Open Letter Challenge writing contest organized by Josh Irby. The following letter is my response to An Open Letter to You from the Rest of the World.

Dear World,

I love you!

I really do.

As I sit hear at Heathrow Airport in London, watching you walk by, listening to your languages and the laughter of your children, I'm struck by my love for you. I haven't always felt this way...but I do now.

For years, I was a afraid of you. You hurt me so many times, and I am pretty sure you'll do it again.

But I love you anyway. Not in a dysfunctional Stockholm Syndrome sort of way. Not in a wounded and abused spouse or child kind of way. Just hanging on and allowing myself to be pummeled for your pleasure sort of way.

I love you in a hopeful way.

I love you because I am part of you. You are my family. We are all children of the same Father. Our family has trouble, like every family, but we have to stick together and get through the trials and the tribulations so we can share in the joy and jubilation.

I know I have hurt you too, and I am sorry. I'm sorry I have lashed out at you. I'm sorry I have ignored and neglected you. I'm sorry I haven't been more responsive to your needs, to your cries.

But I have hope for us, for our family; broken and battered as it is, as we are. It doesn't have to be this way. It can be better. We can change. I know this because I have seen it, because I am living it.

I am changing. I am choosing to love even though it is risky. I am choosing to be brave even though I'm frightened. I'm choosing to care even when it hurts. I'm choosing to serve even when it is not seen. I'm choosing to give even when there is no gratitude. I'm choosing to do hard things, even though I really don't feel like it. I'm choosing to invest in my relationship with God, even though it doesn't always make sense.

As I do this, I am coming alive. I am becoming who I really am. I am finding freedom and joy that I thought were only found in fairy tales and legends. I am getting better. I'm getting stronger. And here's the thing...it's better over here!

There is real hope! We can get better!

Come with me. Lets do this thing together. Let's love and serve and care and give, and discover what we were made for.

We'll all be glad we did.

The Voice

I should be working today.

My desk is a mess. It's so bad that I am not even sitting there as I write this. I've moved into the other room. The problem is that I've been working in this room for a few days now, and I've pretty much destroyed this place too.

It tells me something about the state of my soul, when I allow my environment to disintegrate like this. But it doesn't feel bad. It feels like something is brewing, percolating, poking me.

But what? What is it?

I feel creativity rising up in me. I have felt it for weeks, although I haven't named it until this moment.
I now realize that I have been running from it.

But Why?

Because creativity is scary...at least to me. I feel this urge to create, but then I find myself struggling with my voices. The voices of my past, of my experiences, the voices in my head that come against creating. I recently marveled as I read Josh Irby describe these voices. I thought, "How does he know what happens when I try to create?"

It's not that I've been unhappy, or unhealthy. Aside from staying up a little too late and not getting as much sleep as I should, I've been fine. I've been experiencing God, loving my family, and doing my job. But I have also been trying to ignore The Voice.

There are times when The Voice is telling me to do something I don't want to do. I don't want to speak or to write. I don't want to risk. The voices tell me it is all for the best. I should just keep my head down, not aim too high, not venture too far. They are familiar, they comfort and cajole, they are part of me. When this wears thin, they do their best to intimidate and distract, but ultimately The Voice will be heard. The Voice is relentless.

The Voice invites me to be who He made me to be. The Voice invites me to create, and forces my creativity to the surface, the creative expressive part of me that He is redeeming, the best parts of me, the parts of me that are my own true voice. The Voice pushes and prods, making a way for me to approach the Throne of Grace and to take what I find there and to speak it, sing it, dance it, write it, to communicate it to the world.

Today, The Voice used a video by Dave Grohl (a video not for the faint of heart, but perfect for this old punk rocker) to remind me that my voice matters. To remind me that in choosing to create and express my voice there is freedom and power. The video itself felt like a distraction. But I was drawn to it, and couldn't stay away. In hindsight, I see that He was leading me to a voice that I would resonate with. Profane, but honest and insightful, He used Dave's voice to call forth my own.

So today I choose again to create and write, no matter what the critics think or the market will buy. The joy is in the journey not the response of the spectators. The victory is in the creating. But the greater victory is in harkening again to The Voice and enjoying the fellowship of the Spirit in this previously walled off area of my heart.

Small Changes

My chin is cold.

I shaved my beard off today. It's been some years since my chin was last naked and exposed to the elements. It's not like I had a really thick beard, but somehow that little patch of hair has made a big difference where insulation is concerned. Just a small change, but my experience of the world is different.

That difference is dwarfed by the response of those around me. The loss of just a few inches of facial hair has caused people who have known me for years to double take. My children are not sure they are comfortable with the "new me." It's amazing how such a quick change (it took just minutes) has made such a big difference in how people perceive me.

All of this has me thinking. What small changes, small choices, am I making each day, and how are they impacting me? How are they impacting others?

What small actions am I doing, or not doing, that are shaping my life.

I think it was John Lennon who said, "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans." I know that the trajectory of my life has been incredibly impacted my major events, but I am beginning to recognize that the small choices and changes have a huge impact over time.

Small choices can fan the flames of love or can cause my soul to grow cold...like my chin.

The Advent of Interruption

Nobody expected God to come.

Sure, there were the old prophecies and the vague hope for a messiah someday, but no one was expecting God to break through and actively involve Himself in and through the lives or ordinary people.

Zechariah was minding his own business in the temple when he was interrupted by an angel. Even after the angel told him who he was and what was going to happen, Zechariah still incredulously asked for proof.

Mary wasn't expecting an angelic visitation, let alone a divine pregnancy, an immaculate conception. She neither asked for nor expected this invasive interruption of her plans.

Joseph wasn't anticipating his virgin bride to fall pregnant until after the wedding. Upon discovering her unwelcome interruption, he immediately set about to do what any self-respecting, God fearing man would do, break off the engagement with his shameful betrothed. Only another angelic visitation in his sleep convinced him to change his plans and adopt the Son of God as his own son.

The Magi were not sure what to expect as the stars told them a surprising tale of the King of the Jews to be born in a distant land. They stepped forward into their journey with an uninformed but sincere faith to see where the star might lead them, prepared to worship the as yet unborn King wherever they might find him. The most obvious place to search was at the palace.

King Herod certainly wasn't expecting to have to deal with a new threat to his rule. He had effectively eliminated all who he perceived as a threat, not even sparing his own family. He was not expecting the inconvenience of a messiah, of The Messiah. The arrival of the magi was an interruption that he could do without.

The scribes and teachers of the law who told Herod where the messiah would be born, in lowly Bethlehem, were not expecting it to happen in their day. Even the arrival of the strange magi from the east and Herod's cryptic inquiry were not enough to pique their interest. They evidently couldn't be bothered to follow up on the lead they provided and went about their business, not terribly curious about an apparent messiah in their midst.

The shepherds certainly weren't expecting an angelic visitation, let alone a heavenly invasion with the armies of heaven appearing before them and breaking into song on that evening in the wilds of Judea. Minding their own business, tending sheep, perhaps picking fleas from their cloaks or swapping stories around the fire, when they were terrified by the heavenly ambush.

No one was expecting God to interrupt their lives with good news of great joy. No one was expecting to be used by God to accomplish His marvelous purposes in history. At just the right time, although no one expected him, and few welcomed him, He came among us through the lives of ordinary people.

He does the same thing today.

Are you ready to be interrupted?

The "Not Yet"

Recently, I was encouraged to spend some time talking with God about the "not yet" of the Kingdom. As a Christian, I experience this life as a state of perpetual "in between". God has revealed His rule and reign through Jesus Christ, and that reign is current and continuing, but is not yet fully realized. It is real, but not yet complete.

I live in this world, enjoying all that this world has to offer as I live under Him, but I also recognize that this world is not all that it could be, was, or will be. There is a present joyous reality of life with Christ that is interrupted and disturbed by the brokenness in and around me. This life is not all that it should be, it is not yet all that it will be. So I asked the Lord, what is your vision of us and for us?

As I prayed  I was immediately drawn to the theme of revival. As I silently discussed this with the Lord, I found myself asking, “Yes, revival Lord, but what would that look like?” Suddenly my mind was filled with images and ideas of people experiencing God personally, being ambushed by God and surprised by joy. Their joy and encouragement moved them to share their excitement and to become infectiously cheerful. As they were transformed by God’s Spirit they became more free to express what God had put in them and to use their gifts with greater freedom and power than they had previously experienced. They were hearing from God and walking with God day by day, experiencing and sharing.

As I prayerfully reflected on what could be, even in this bent world, I found myself pondering the obstacles.

Why is it that we do not live as free as we actually are? Why do we live discouraged? Why are we so easily distracted from the joy set before us? Why are we not joyously infecting the world with love, joy, and peace? Why is this vision not being more fully experienced and lived out?


The first word that came to mind was “discouragement.” People lack experience with God and this leads to a lack of trust in God, which leads to a lack of hope and boldness. If we really knew as Him as He is, if we knew God experientially, we would be more free and bold to follow Him wherever He might lead and follow Him with joy.

As I pondered why this might not be so, It came to me that that we are making it too complex. Our answers reveal that we have misunderstood the problem.

We tend to offer more information, education, and training; illustrating our belief that a lack of knowledge or technique is the problem. (Not that training is bad, but to the extent that is leads to placing our trust in methodology or technique rather than walking in a dependent and conversational relationship with God, it leads in the wrong direction.)

We (particularly those of us from the Global North and West) have a tendency to trust in our own abilities and strategies. We have been trained to value efficiency, productivity, and control. It seems to me that God is calling me (perhaps us) to a more relational and dependent understanding of Him.

Perhaps the answer is not money, education, power, or control. Perhaps the answer is "to do what is right, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God." (Micah 6:8)

May we not be afraid to be like little children. May we be willing to confess our dependence on Our Father and to walk with The Son under the Inspiration of The Holy Spirit. May we commit ourselves to learning to discern the voice of the Good Master rather than mastering methods and techniques. May we learn to walk humbly with Our God.

Becoming Who I Am

Have you ever wondered who you are? Have you ever wondered about your real identity, the part of you that is deeper than your profession, your education, your culture, or your family of origin? Who are you at your core?

I had two dreams the other night. Not the kind of dreams that simply rehash the day's events. These dreams had a different quality to them. They felt different even in the midst of them, and they felt very different as I awoke and pondered on them. They have stayed with me for days now and the more I reflect on them, the more convinced I am that they were God dreams. 

The first dream was a long-forgotten incident from my past. A formative experience that gave me one of the labels that has hindered me in my process of becoming. I awoke from the dream wondering about it and was moved to prayer. I asked God about the significance of the event and why it came up at this time. I received no answer.

After falling back to sleep, I immediately had another dream. In this dream I was taking in immense power but was afraid to release the power. I was filled with incredible power by God, but didn't know what to do with it or how to use it in a way that wouldn't ultimately damage myself or others. Again, I awoke and turned to the Lord in prayer, asking for His guidance and interpretation.

It was then that He met me. 

As I prayed I was filled with a sense of His presence and power. I was moved as I felt Him confirming that the vision in the second dream was me. The first dream revealed the source of pain and the genesis of a lie that has bound me for years. The truth is that God has filled me with immense power, but my fears and insecurities keep this power from being expressed for His Kingdom. At first I was hesitant to accept this as true because it seemed self-aggrandizing.

As I spoke this out to the Lord, I suddenly realized that it is not. To recognize this truth about myself is to acknowledge that all of God's kids are similarly powerful. Our power, our gifts, are all different, but we are all uniquely created by Him and invested with tremendous power, the same power that raised Christ Jesus from the dead. All of God's kids are immensely powerful, we are partakers of the divine nature! 

But we are all living as less than we really are. We have been beaten down or tricked into believing that we are less than we are. We have been imprisoned by the lies we have believed about ourselves. The lies we drank down with our mother's milk. The lies specifically designed to keep us from realizing who we really are and becoming the powerful ministers we were designed to be.

As I lay there on my bed, wrestling with all of this, I felt like I was waking up for the first time, as if scales were falling from my eyes. I was beginning to grasp a new vision of myself, and all of God's children, through the eyes of God. I also saw all of the hurtful experiences falling into a pattern, a well designed scheme to ensnare and enslave me; experiences tailored to re-enforce the lies that kept me bound for years.

In my case, I believed that I was an embarrassment, not to be trusted, I was dangerous, and I was a failure. These lies have hindered me and kept me from seeing God as He really is and myself as I really am, and as I could be.

What are the lies keeping you from becoming who you are?

It's all about me

It is funny how easy it is for me to slip into a narcissistic perspective.  I all too easily become consumed with myself and lose my grasp on reality.  The more I focus on my fears and failures, or even my victories and virtues, the more warped my perspective becomes.

The fact is that the story of my life is a small part of a much grander story.  God is writing an epic story filled with love and hate, faithfulness and betrayal, a great adventure.  I have a part in the story, as we all do, but when I start thinking that it's all about me, I have lost the plot.  I make too much of myself.  I make to much of my gifts, my reputation, my sin, my insignificance, and my importance.  None of these things are the central truths of reality.  God alone stands at the center.  He is the hero of the story, not me.  He has written me into the story and I am valuable because He made me and loves me, but that doesn't make the story about me.

As I wrote my last post, I was wallowing in self-pity.  I was focusing only on myself and my experience.  Then, a surprising thing happened.  Someone reminded me that what I need to do is to make much of God, to focus on Him.  I cannot worry about the critics or the price that I might pay for obedience.  I must only draw near to God, and  do what He would have me do.  I wonder if great things are only possible when undertaken with self-forgetfulness?  Great battles are not won without sacrifice and there will be scars to bear.  If I trust that God really is working everything out for my good as well as the good of the Kingdom, then I can walk whatever path He lays before me.

I am so quick to forget!  I need to be reminded of the gospel.  I need to be reminded that it is all about God.  I need to be reminded that while I am a unique and valued child of the King, I am only one of many valued children.  He has a role for me to play, a part for me to fulfill, work for me to do.  I must do my part for the Kingdom to advance and for the King to get the glory that is due to His Name.  He'll take care of the rest, and as I lose myself in Him and the work He has for me to do, I become who I was created to be.