Humility is the right relationship of creature to creator. Pride has warped our understanding of ourselves, others, and God. I still have SO much to learn about humility, and even more work ahead to grasp humility in my own heart and life, and yet I feel like I can see glimpses of the enormous importance of this, the root of all true virtues. I see how pride undermines trust. I can see how pride is the root of all evil and the opposite of faith. I always thought that unbelief was the opposite of faith, but now I see it differently. Faith is not just belief in the abstract, it is trust. The opposite of trust is pride. To trust someone is to surrender my good, my judgment to another. I see my children growing up, and while there are many joys along the way, I realize now that I am watching trust die before my eyes.
When my children were babies, they had no idea what was going on. They were utterly and completely dependent on my wife and I to care for them. We fed them, changed their diapers, and kept them safe. As they grew older we could enjoy more of the benefits of our investment in their lives. We could have more fellowship with them as they were able to understand more and to interact with us more intentionally. I can’t really capture the joy that filled my heart the other day when I asked my son what he wanted to do or where he wanted to go on a recent Saturday morning. I told him that he could choose anywhere and anything within reason. He paused to consider his options and with no guile or calculation he responded, “Dad, I just want to be where you are.” That is the cry of the heart of each of us for our heavenly father.
Moments like that are precious and they reveal much. Just as revealing is my son’s response when I tell him to stop playing with his favorite toy and to get dressed and ready for school. He is shocked that I would dare to prevent him from continuing to indulge in his pleasurable pursuit. He argues and sulks and generally lets me know that I can not possibly have his interests at heart, because it is obvious that if I did, then I would let him have his way. He has replaced trust with pride. He has decided that He is the arbiter of Truth and Goodness. He has ceased to trust me to know and do what is best for him. He no longer unquestionably accepts the things I do for him as good. Now he thinks that he knows what would be best for him, or at least what he would prefer. The problem is that he does not actually know what is good because his perspective is so limited.
It is sad for me to watch the blissfulness of early childhood slip away. The trust is being replaced by fear. The implicit belief that my wife and I are good and that we love him is gradually being stripped away and exchanged for the feeling that if he doesn’t look out for himself then he won’t get what he wants. He is starting to feel like he has to insist on his rights, his desires, and if he doesn’t get what he wants than he is somehow missing out or being cheated. His desires are being thwarted, and it is his desires, his perspective that are right. He knows in his heart that he is right and that anyone, even those who lovingly created him and care for him still, who would keep him from what he wants must be wrong and can’t be trusted.
The faith of a child is being replaced by the fear that is bred by pride. Pride is the belief that I am right. I am central. I am the one at the center of the universe. I think therefore I am. I am the existent one and all things revolve around me. God is good to the extent that he responds to me in the way that I believe he ought to. God is trustworthy to the degree that he keeps me safe and comfortable and comes through for me when I need him, or gives me what I want.
This is the foundational problem. Most of my faith struggles come down to this. How can I trust God with my children when I don’t know that God will keep them safe? The answer is that God never promised to keep them safe. How can I trust God when there is so much suffering? How can I trust God when I am suffering? If God doesn’t prevent suffering or injustice what good is He? How good is he? But our questions are wrong. They are all self-serving and self-referential. God is good because it is His nature. He promises to work even the pain and suffering together for my good and the good of all His children and, more importantly, for His glory. He is the central character in the story. It’s all about Him, not about me. When I switch that around I have started to kill my faith. I lack the perspective, the knowledge, the wisdom to know what is good for me or for others. I have to humbly trust.
Friday, March 9, 2007
Friday, March 2, 2007
Purpose and Illusion
What is it about me that I am always looking out beyond the horizon for my happiness? I am blessed beyond belief. My life is full, I have been given more than any man has a right to and am surrounded by those I love and who love me. But there is a niggling inkling in the back of my mind. If only I had… then I would really be happy. If only I lived…then I would be really happy. There is a picture in my mind of the blissful place; the perfect setting, the picture with no wants and no flaws. It’s not always there, but in times of quiet reflection, or times of stress, there’s no telling just when it may appear, but suddenly it’s there in my mind. It is not a sinful picture (most of the time). It’s just a picture of a place different than where I am right now.
The more I entertain this picture, this illusion, the more power it begins to exert on me. I start to be dissatisfied with the blessings that fill my life now. It starts to change my mood, my perspective on the things surrounding me starts to get dark and cloudy. It starts to alter the way I view people. People become either a barrier to overcome on the road to my illusive paradise, or they become a means to get me there. No longer are they children of God, dearly loved and meant to be served, but rather objects to be used to gratify my desires or obstructions to be battered down and removed from the road to happiness.
The central illusion, the lie, is that there is something in this world that will satisfy the cravings of my heart. I was made for God. I was made for heaven. Augustine said that our hearts are restless until they find their rest in God. Pascal said that in the heart of every man there is a God shaped vacuum. My heart yearns for God and it yearns for the satisfaction and rest that will not be mine until heaven. There is no denying that even as I follow hard after God and experience more joy and satisfaction than I ever thought possible I am still aware of a hunger within. I still haven’t found what I’m looking for.
It seems that the best that I have found on earth is to be who I was created to be and to use the gifts and resources that He has entrusted to me to do the things that He has prepared in advance for me to do. I keep hearing the Scottish brogue of a character in a movie called Chariots of Fire. The movie is based on a true story about British runners in the 1920’s. One of them is Eric Liddell. Liddell was a pastor and a missionary to China, but was also an exceptionally fast runner. In one scene, his sister is trying to talk him out of running in the Olympics because she is afraid that he will become enamored with the fame and never go to China. He responds, “I believe that God made me with a purpose and that purpose is China, but He also made me fast, and when I run I feel His pleasure.”
I believe that God has made each of us with a purpose and when we do what He has created us to do, we feel His pleasure. In fact, what we experience is the presence and the power of the Spirit coursing through us as we exercise the gifts that He has given us to do the work He has entrusted to us. Paul tells us that we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do the good works that He has planned in advance for us to do. When we acknowledge this and decide to trust Him and to acknowledged who he has created us to be and then do the works that He has put before us, we are on the path to experience Him more and more in our daily lives.
This doesn’t get rid of the ache for heaven, but the sweet fellowship with His Spirit transforms the ache from a driving pain to a sweet reminder that there is more waiting for us.
The more I entertain this picture, this illusion, the more power it begins to exert on me. I start to be dissatisfied with the blessings that fill my life now. It starts to change my mood, my perspective on the things surrounding me starts to get dark and cloudy. It starts to alter the way I view people. People become either a barrier to overcome on the road to my illusive paradise, or they become a means to get me there. No longer are they children of God, dearly loved and meant to be served, but rather objects to be used to gratify my desires or obstructions to be battered down and removed from the road to happiness.
The central illusion, the lie, is that there is something in this world that will satisfy the cravings of my heart. I was made for God. I was made for heaven. Augustine said that our hearts are restless until they find their rest in God. Pascal said that in the heart of every man there is a God shaped vacuum. My heart yearns for God and it yearns for the satisfaction and rest that will not be mine until heaven. There is no denying that even as I follow hard after God and experience more joy and satisfaction than I ever thought possible I am still aware of a hunger within. I still haven’t found what I’m looking for.
It seems that the best that I have found on earth is to be who I was created to be and to use the gifts and resources that He has entrusted to me to do the things that He has prepared in advance for me to do. I keep hearing the Scottish brogue of a character in a movie called Chariots of Fire. The movie is based on a true story about British runners in the 1920’s. One of them is Eric Liddell. Liddell was a pastor and a missionary to China, but was also an exceptionally fast runner. In one scene, his sister is trying to talk him out of running in the Olympics because she is afraid that he will become enamored with the fame and never go to China. He responds, “I believe that God made me with a purpose and that purpose is China, but He also made me fast, and when I run I feel His pleasure.”
I believe that God has made each of us with a purpose and when we do what He has created us to do, we feel His pleasure. In fact, what we experience is the presence and the power of the Spirit coursing through us as we exercise the gifts that He has given us to do the work He has entrusted to us. Paul tells us that we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do the good works that He has planned in advance for us to do. When we acknowledge this and decide to trust Him and to acknowledged who he has created us to be and then do the works that He has put before us, we are on the path to experience Him more and more in our daily lives.
This doesn’t get rid of the ache for heaven, but the sweet fellowship with His Spirit transforms the ache from a driving pain to a sweet reminder that there is more waiting for us.
Thursday, March 1, 2007
Expectation and Conversation
I am not a morning person. I am the kind of person who would prefer to stay up late and sleep in the morning. There are many cultures where this is normal, unfortunately I was not born into such a culture, nor apparently were my wife and kids who all like to go to bed early and wake up early. For the last week or so, I have been living on their time schedule. One of the benefits of this is that I have been getting into God’s Word early every morning, in fact, it is the first thing I have been doing after I get out of bed. (Minus the obligatory trudge to the coffee maker for my morning caffeine fix.)
I have grown in the last few years to be more consistent in my times with God, but have usually done this either immediately after I go to the office, or more often, in the evenings after my family is in bed and the house is quiet. I have enjoyed those times and I have had many meaningful connections with God and wonderful times in His Word. I have no regrets about that habit. I have often scoffed and responded somewhat defensively to those who indicate that those who would really seek God must do so early in the morning. I still don’t buy that, but I have found myself really enjoying these early morning meetings with God. I enjoy the renewal of perspective that this provides and the way that it sets my mind and heart in the right direction for the day. I appreciate the way that God’s voice is the first voice I hear, before the cacophony of other voices start to sound in my ears, heart, and mind.
I have found myself opening the Word with the expectation the God will speak to me. He is the God who wants to and will reveal Himself to me, or will reveal to me something about myself. This is a sweet development in my relationship with God. It has been coming on slowly, and after many years of darkness and growth I can just see the first sprig budding from the ground. I love that He has developed this expectation of revelation in me. It’s not just the fact that He has spoken, or can speak, but that He will speak. If I am honest I have to admit to some fear mixed with this wonder. After all, this is the awesome and terrifying Creator God. He is an all consuming fire. The mountains melt like wax before Him. He is a lion, but also a lamb. He is gentle and kind and a smoldering wick He will not extinguish. Still He is completely free and somewhat unpredictable. He is trustworthy, but only He knows the end from the beginning, and there is no easy certainty about what He will do or say. In scripture He often does exactly what we would not expect Him to do. I trust Him and I am getting to know Him better and better but what kind of real understanding can I have of His thoughts or ways which are higher than mine as the heavens are high above the earth.
So, this morning as my eyes fell on Psalm 51 (the starting place for my reading for the day) there was a shock in my mind and a corresponding physical jolt in my body. I was somewhat afraid of what He would say. I have often come to this Psalm in times of grief and repentance. I was not sure what He would say to me today. What would He reveal? What sin would He uncover and lay bare? What would wound would He probe causing pain, but ultimately healing? What variety of love could I expect from Him today? Would it be the hard discipline due to a wayward son, the gentle embrace of the Father to a prodigal, or the tender encouragement to keep on the path I am on? I have received all these and more in the past, and I know which ones I would prefer, but only He knows what I need to grow. He is the perfect, all-knowing and loving Father.
His love for me is fierce. It will brook no rivals or competitors for my affections. Other lovers less wild have no place in my life, and He will be brutal in his confrontation of these. He loves me too well to let me continue to sell myself into slavery. Sometimes He must take up a whip of cords to cleanse the temple of my heart. He brings conviction and comfort in season.
I am so grateful for the development of this conversational relationship. I love that He is becoming so real to me that I am expecting Him to speak. I want more than outward obedience to a set of biblical principles. I want a real relationship with a living person, and am so glad that He showed me this long hoped for thing becoming reality this morning. May He draw me closer day by day.
I have grown in the last few years to be more consistent in my times with God, but have usually done this either immediately after I go to the office, or more often, in the evenings after my family is in bed and the house is quiet. I have enjoyed those times and I have had many meaningful connections with God and wonderful times in His Word. I have no regrets about that habit. I have often scoffed and responded somewhat defensively to those who indicate that those who would really seek God must do so early in the morning. I still don’t buy that, but I have found myself really enjoying these early morning meetings with God. I enjoy the renewal of perspective that this provides and the way that it sets my mind and heart in the right direction for the day. I appreciate the way that God’s voice is the first voice I hear, before the cacophony of other voices start to sound in my ears, heart, and mind.
I have found myself opening the Word with the expectation the God will speak to me. He is the God who wants to and will reveal Himself to me, or will reveal to me something about myself. This is a sweet development in my relationship with God. It has been coming on slowly, and after many years of darkness and growth I can just see the first sprig budding from the ground. I love that He has developed this expectation of revelation in me. It’s not just the fact that He has spoken, or can speak, but that He will speak. If I am honest I have to admit to some fear mixed with this wonder. After all, this is the awesome and terrifying Creator God. He is an all consuming fire. The mountains melt like wax before Him. He is a lion, but also a lamb. He is gentle and kind and a smoldering wick He will not extinguish. Still He is completely free and somewhat unpredictable. He is trustworthy, but only He knows the end from the beginning, and there is no easy certainty about what He will do or say. In scripture He often does exactly what we would not expect Him to do. I trust Him and I am getting to know Him better and better but what kind of real understanding can I have of His thoughts or ways which are higher than mine as the heavens are high above the earth.
So, this morning as my eyes fell on Psalm 51 (the starting place for my reading for the day) there was a shock in my mind and a corresponding physical jolt in my body. I was somewhat afraid of what He would say. I have often come to this Psalm in times of grief and repentance. I was not sure what He would say to me today. What would He reveal? What sin would He uncover and lay bare? What would wound would He probe causing pain, but ultimately healing? What variety of love could I expect from Him today? Would it be the hard discipline due to a wayward son, the gentle embrace of the Father to a prodigal, or the tender encouragement to keep on the path I am on? I have received all these and more in the past, and I know which ones I would prefer, but only He knows what I need to grow. He is the perfect, all-knowing and loving Father.
His love for me is fierce. It will brook no rivals or competitors for my affections. Other lovers less wild have no place in my life, and He will be brutal in his confrontation of these. He loves me too well to let me continue to sell myself into slavery. Sometimes He must take up a whip of cords to cleanse the temple of my heart. He brings conviction and comfort in season.
I am so grateful for the development of this conversational relationship. I love that He is becoming so real to me that I am expecting Him to speak. I want more than outward obedience to a set of biblical principles. I want a real relationship with a living person, and am so glad that He showed me this long hoped for thing becoming reality this morning. May He draw me closer day by day.
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