Humility and Trust

Humility is the right relationship of creature to creator. Pride has warped our understanding of ourselves, others, and God. I still have SO much to learn about humility, and even more work ahead to grasp humility in my own heart and life, and yet I feel like I can see glimpses of the enormous importance of this, the root of all true virtues. I see how pride undermines trust. I can see how pride is the root of all evil and the opposite of faith. I always thought that unbelief was the opposite of faith, but now I see it differently. Faith is not just belief in the abstract, it is trust. The opposite of trust is pride. To trust someone is to surrender my good, my judgment to another. I see my children growing up, and while there are many joys along the way, I realize now that I am watching trust die before my eyes.

When my children were babies, they had no idea what was going on. They were utterly and completely dependent on my wife and I to care for them. We fed them, changed their diapers, and kept them safe. As they grew older we could enjoy more of the benefits of our investment in their lives. We could have more fellowship with them as they were able to understand more and to interact with us more intentionally. I can’t really capture the joy that filled my heart the other day when I asked my son what he wanted to do or where he wanted to go on a recent Saturday morning. I told him that he could choose anywhere and anything within reason. He paused to consider his options and with no guile or calculation he responded, “Dad, I just want to be where you are.” That is the cry of the heart of each of us for our heavenly father.

Moments like that are precious and they reveal much. Just as revealing is my son’s response when I tell him to stop playing with his favorite toy and to get dressed and ready for school. He is shocked that I would dare to prevent him from continuing to indulge in his pleasurable pursuit. He argues and sulks and generally lets me know that I can not possibly have his interests at heart, because it is obvious that if I did, then I would let him have his way. He has replaced trust with pride. He has decided that He is the arbiter of Truth and Goodness. He has ceased to trust me to know and do what is best for him. He no longer unquestionably accepts the things I do for him as good. Now he thinks that he knows what would be best for him, or at least what he would prefer. The problem is that he does not actually know what is good because his perspective is so limited.

It is sad for me to watch the blissfulness of early childhood slip away. The trust is being replaced by fear. The implicit belief that my wife and I are good and that we love him is gradually being stripped away and exchanged for the feeling that if he doesn’t look out for himself then he won’t get what he wants. He is starting to feel like he has to insist on his rights, his desires, and if he doesn’t get what he wants than he is somehow missing out or being cheated. His desires are being thwarted, and it is his desires, his perspective that are right. He knows in his heart that he is right and that anyone, even those who lovingly created him and care for him still, who would keep him from what he wants must be wrong and can’t be trusted.

The faith of a child is being replaced by the fear that is bred by pride. Pride is the belief that I am right. I am central. I am the one at the center of the universe. I think therefore I am. I am the existent one and all things revolve around me. God is good to the extent that he responds to me in the way that I believe he ought to. God is trustworthy to the degree that he keeps me safe and comfortable and comes through for me when I need him, or gives me what I want.

This is the foundational problem. Most of my faith struggles come down to this. How can I trust God with my children when I don’t know that God will keep them safe? The answer is that God never promised to keep them safe. How can I trust God when there is so much suffering? How can I trust God when I am suffering? If God doesn’t prevent suffering or injustice what good is He? How good is he? But our questions are wrong. They are all self-serving and self-referential. God is good because it is His nature. He promises to work even the pain and suffering together for my good and the good of all His children and, more importantly, for His glory. He is the central character in the story. It’s all about Him, not about me. When I switch that around I have started to kill my faith. I lack the perspective, the knowledge, the wisdom to know what is good for me or for others. I have to humbly trust.