The Opposite of Faith

I recently had dinner with some old friends. I have known them for more than 10 years. As we talked it became clear that they no longer believe in Jesus. At one point they were involved in church, reading and praying daily, and doing all the things that we would normally expect to see in a growing Christian. Today they are wondering if it was all self-deception, if they just imagined that they experienced God. In short, they have lost their faith.

We talked for hours sharing our journey and listening to theirs. They shared about their frustrations with the church, the hypocrisy of their Christian friends, their doubts about the reliability of Scripture, and their apparent lack of loss and new found freedom as they have abandoned their faith. It is not that they are living lasciviously, or are abandoning their morality. It is simply that they do not have faith.

All of this has me reflecting on the nature of faith, and specifically wondering about the opposite of faith. My friends' journey away from God began with doubt. When they expressed their doubts to other Christians they were admonished to "have faith", to "believe and not to doubt". I am wondering if the opposite of faith is really doubt, and if the cure to doubt is to just believe. It seems to me that the opposite of faith might be apathy or inaction. My friends are now living lives apart from Christ because of their doubts. They have rightly identified real problems and as these difficult realities sowed doubts in their minds, they pulled back to investigate and to find out what was true. However, as they pulled back they didn't really plunge into the investigation, or devote themselves to the search, they simply stopped pursuing to see what would happen. When nothing "bad" happened, they figured it was all a sham.

As I reflect on my own journey I am struck that it is filled with periods of doubt and turmoil. I think that the difference is one of relationship and perhaps of activity. When I am struck by doubts and difficulties I tend to talk about these things with God and with those closest to me. This reaffirms my important relationships including my relationship with God, even as the doubts remain real and the difficulties may not dissipate. I don't think that my life will ever be free of doubts and puzzling paradoxes, but it seems that my faith is expressed when I choose to engage the doubts and wrestle with God about them. The talking with Him, the wrestling with Him, even the shouting at Him, are all actions that express faith. Withdrawing from Him and simply ignoring Him these are un-faith.