The Wrestling Match

Well, my fast is over and my heart has been tenderized. Last night the Lord met me in a most unexpected way. I was praying for intimacy and blessing, and He answered, but in a way that leaves me grateful but a aching a bit.

I was reading "the Voice of Jesus" by Gordon T. Smith. I was reading about the various ways that the Holy Spirit meets with us. As I was reading and reflecting on the role of the Spirit I was suddenly aware of some really ugly spiritual pride that I have allowed to grow unchecked in my heart in the last few months. I have been judging others harshly, in my own mind, in an effort to protect myself by invalidating their perspectives and defending myself and my ideas. I have subtly been exalting myself and devaluing others. I have even gone as far as using sarcasm and scorn to recruit others to my low opinion of others.

I was crushed. I was sickened when I realized how long this has been going on and how insidious this sin was. I am once again impressed with my ability to deceive myself and rationalize my sin.

I am SO grateful that He met me and exposed my heart. He has graciously peeled back another layer and exposed the infection to the cleansing light of His love. As I was reflecting on whether this was the end of the wrestling match, or if I should continue the fast, I was reminded of the end of the original wrestling match between Jacob and God. It ended when God touched Jacob's hip and wounded him. So, I have decided that this match is over and God won. The beauty of it is, that when God wins I win because He is for me.