Rationalization and Relationship

As I was reading this morning in Proverbs 28 I came across a verse that I had highlighted, underlined, and circled, but still had the ability to shock and convict me as the Spirit used it once again to probe my heart and bring me to my knees in humble worship. It is verse 13 which reads, “He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy.”

My first response was just to praise God for this clear Old Testament expression of a core teaching of our faith. Here is the difference between Christianity and all other religions. The parallel and only slightly more clear New Testament passage is found in First John 1:9 which says, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” I love the simplicity and am in awe of the power of these passages. I love that God doesn’t expect us to be perfect but that forgiveness and mercy are available if we confess our sins.

As I re-read the verse in Proverbs again, I was faced with the question, am I concealing my sin? As I paused and reflected I was struck by the fact that there was something that I had concealed. I was faced again with my ability to rationalize and deceive even myself, but again was moved to praise by God’s gentle but severe mercy in probing my heart to reveal those places where I was hiding this darkness. I find that most of my concealment is in the form of rationalization. It’s not that I have some obviously evil thing that I am doing or have done that I am hiding from the world. It’s that I can yield to temptation in small ways during the course of my day, all the while pretending that it isn’t sin at all.

One of the primary forms of rationalization is when I compare my conduct to what it might have been. I tell myself that at least I didn’t do “that” , sure it probably wasn’t great that I did “this” but it’s actually good because I didn’t push farther into the darkness. So actually this is a sort of victory. Yeah, that’s it! How great that I didn’t go farther down the road that I started down! So, instead of confessing the failure, throwing myself on the mercy of God and receiving the full forgiveness and cleansing that He promises. I now have this familiar pathway toward sin that is allowed because it isn’t as bad as other sins farther down the road. The fact is that I must be ruthless in stamping out the sin in my life, in my heart. The question isn’t how far down the road I got, but rather that turning down the road at all is a yielding to temptation as the more comfortable I get in yielding, even in “small ways” the more easy it is to grieve the Spirit and to harden my heart.

I am reminded of Psalm 95:8b-9a, “Today if you hear his voice do not harden your hearts as you did at Meribah…” The people heard the voice of God, but they hardened their hearts and would not listen to Him. What I am after, what I believe God has for me is a conversational relationship with Him, a real relationship of Father to son, as friend to friend. This is what was lost in the garden and this is what Jesus came do demonstrate and to restore. When I rationalize my sin or conceal my sin in other ways I am false to myself and to Him. Deception of myself or others is always an obstacle to true relationship and intimacy.

I am so grateful for the Word of God and for the Spirit of God which again today probed my heart and moved me to repentance. In that moment, uncomfortable as it was, I experienced what my heart longs for, a real conversation with God.