Pragmatism and Prayer

It has been said that pragmatism is the true American religion. We test things to see if they work. If it works then it must be true and right. The problem is that we lack perspective. We judge what works by what we see in the world around us. We take the short view, the human view. As a result we misjudge both God and Man. We have decided that we are the scientists and that we will experiment with the world and prove or disprove truth using our minds. We live as if we are the final judges. We have decided that we can get all the information we need from the world around us, from the tangible and corporeal. We can judge the goodness, even the truth value, of something based on our observations. We have decided that if it works, or more precisely, if it works for me then it must be true.

We confidently assert that certain things are true or false, even though we are too small, our perspectives too limited, and our lives too short to gather the data that we would need to prove our grandiose assertions. There are many problems with this perspective; a key one is that we know that this world is not all that there is. There is another world, another level of existence that does not submit itself to our scientific and pragmatic pursuits. If we looked only at this world, we reach faulty conclusions. The bookstores of the world are full of books promoting “what works” in the areas of business, religion, sex, health, nutrition, and virtually any other aspect of our lives. We have reduced life to a series of “how to” books, lectures, and seminars. We have focused on methodologies for “success” in all aspects of our lives, but these systems and techniques are based on limited data and faulty presuppositions.

The fact is that in this world the evil will sprout up like grass and the wicked will flourish. (Ps. 92) The wicked and arrogant are prosperous and their lives are good; in fact, they are so luxurious and easy as to provoke envy from worshipers of God. (Ps. 73) If you take a look at those who rise to the top in most professions, it is not because of their godly character and adherence to biblical principles. It is because they have discovered how to work the systems of this world. They have learned the techniques which allow them to manipulate people and to take what they want regardless of the consequences to others or to their own souls. This would be cause for great despair if this world was all there is, but there will be a reckoning. There is a way that seems right to a man but in the end it leads to death. (Pr. 14 & 16) What will count in the end is not technique, but relationship. The foundation of the created order is not a system of natural laws, but the Creator God who will not allow Himself to be reduced to a formula that can be scientifically tested. The laws that govern the universe are descriptive, not prescriptive; they are descriptions of the way that He normally works, not “laws” that exist over or apart from Him.

I wonder if the prayerlessness of the Western Church can not, at least in part, be traced back to the pragmatic application of Enlightenment ideals. What started out as a pursuit of God and a quest to understand how He created the universe has been hijacked by those who believe that Truth is knowable apart from God. Scripture tells us that “The man without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God.” (1 Cor. 2:14) Our wisdom and our thinking has become futile. (Rom 1: 8, Ps. 94, 1 Cor. 3:20) We were made for God, but that relationship and understanding can only be laid hold of when the Spirit is given. It’s not a result of methods or works, but a free gift of God. Life is about doxology not methodology, it’s about relationship with, worship of, and obedience to Christ not adherence to a system or applying the right techniques to get what we want. We simply cannot control to whom God gives His spirit. We cannot make Him do anything, even by using prayer.

We cannot pray because it works. It does work, but not always in the way that we expect. I often hear that there is power in prayer. That is not actually correct. Prayer is not merely a tool to be used, but a conversation to be had. God answers prayer, plain and simple; but He is not a tame God who can be domesticated and manipulated. Teachings on prayer that promises to produce a quick return on your investment or certain results with a money back guarantee have reduced God to a vending machine. These ideas and practices have more in common with paganism and animistic magic than they do with the God of Scripture. God will not be mocked or used for our own selfish ends. (Jam. 4:3) Prayer is first and foremost a humble response to the Sovereign and Almighty God to whom all power and glory belong and who is worthy of honor and praise and worship forever and ever. I pray because there is only one God and I am not Him.

A Path to a God-Centric Life

Is my ministry God-centric, or man-centric? Do I really believe that Christ will build His church and that the gates of hell will not stand against it? If I believe that building the church is God’s prerogative and purview then my life and work will be characterized by prayer. One of the main causes for my failure to pray is because I am too busy with life and ministry. Imagine a kingdom where those who serve the king are working too hard to listen to his commands, or too busy to seek his input.

My ministry is man-centered when I am more focused on doing good for man (myself included) than I am on glorifying God. Prayer is one of the best ways to counteract this kind of human narcissism. Prayer puts God back at the center of my life and work. Prayer helps me to remember that it is God’s work that I should be about, not my interpretation or carefully reasoned strategy for what God should do, but rather what He really would have me do. I don’t think that it is enough to obey the maxim, “love God and do whatever you want.” I think that this is a cop out. It certainly has been in my life. At the least, it pushes God to the margins of my life and more often excludes Him altogether.

I am not advocating a paralysis of analysis, where we don’t move or do anything out of fear of doing the wrong thing, or because we are unsure of our motives. As humans even our “purest” motivations are a mixed bag. That kind of fear and paralysis is another symptom of our man centric perspective. I am suggesting that we should spend time in our pursuit of God. I recently received an e-mail from a friend in which he talked about how he had neglected his personal relationship with God over the last few years because he was too busy with ministry. It was with good motivation, and while his faith is not in peril, he realizes now that his pursuit of God is most the essential element to knowing and doing the will of God on earth. We need God. Not just as a principle, and not just to save us. We need Him every day. We must pursue Him. Pursue Him as a real person who wants a relationship with me, and from whom I have a lot to learn.

Every relationship of real value requires intentionality to develop. God invites us into real relationship with Him! He has given us the marriage relationship as a picture of the kind of intimacy and relationship that He wants with us. Marriage is a sort of training ground, an apprenticeship, a workshop where we learn about what our relationship with Him can and should be; what it will be in the end, at the wedding feast of the Lamb. It’s not just an analogy, it’s a deep reality.

I love my wife and I have known her for many years. I generally know what makes her tick and what her desires are. This is the result of many years of pursuit. The pursuit started when I first realized that she was available and desirable; I realized that a relationship was possible and worth pursuing. I was intrigued and I wanted to get to know her more. Then, as I got to know her more I realized that there was depth and value in her as a person, and that I too was growing because of our relationship. I wanted to get to know her more and to take our relationship to a new level. We started courting. We defined our relationship as more than just a casual relationship, but rather one that we were both willing and excited to invest in deepening. As that continued I realized more and more what a treasure she was and I realized that I didn’t want to go through the journey of life without her by my side. I realized that I needed her in my life and wanted to make our commitment permanent rather than just exploratory. I asked her to marry me and I committed myself to her once and forever. Our relationship took on whole new dimensions of depth and intimacy. I continue to learn more about myself and about her. I am daily challenged and encouraged to grow and am in the process of becoming more and more who I want to be, who I was created to be. Our relationship still needs to be cultivated. There are times when I take her for granted and don’t spend time with her or seek her out. When I do this, we tend to get a little out of sync. The ability to “read each others minds” and to finish each other’s sentences slowly degrades and if we don’t do something about it, we start to miss each other and distance begins to creep into the relationship.

As well as I know my wife, there are still times when I try to please her but miss the mark. I do something that I believe will communicate love, but in fact causes hurt. It’s not enough for me to know about her, and to extrapolate from what I know to the unknown. If I want to know what she would like, I should talk to her about it. If I want to know how I can help her, I should ask her. I can’t assume that because I have read her to do list, or because I have known her for many years, that I should just jump in and start doing something. I should communicate with her. I should ask her how I can help. Often times, I find that even my attempts to communicate love to her are based on my own faulty presuppositions. Let me give you an example, I like it when she hugs me and so therefore I think that the most loving thing that I can do is to give her a hug. I’m sure that she would like that, I reason. Who wouldn’t? If I am practicing the maxim of “Love your wife and do whatever you please”, then this makes perfect sense. In fact, the most loving thing that I can do for her is to make the bed in the morning. I don’t understand it, I don’t even value it, but I know this because we have talked about it…repeatedly. However, sometimes I ask her how I can help her and instead of asking me to make the bed (which I can clearly see is unmade) she asks me to run to the store, or do something else to help. Even though I know her and know some of the ways that I can love her, I have to ask her. I have to talk to her. Imagine what my relationship with my wife would be like if I tried to love her based on my understanding of her, or based on the way that other men love their wives. There will undoubtedly be some good that comes from it, but it wouldn’t be me loving her. I would miss the mark.

In ministry I think that we often talk with one another, but not enough with God. It’s not enough for me to read His Word and discern principles to be practiced. It’s not enough for me to learn from others about the things that He has asked them to do. It’s not enough to develop strategies based on our observations or the experiences of others. We were meant for something more! I need to pursue Him as a person and to know what He would have me do. We must train ourselves to discern the will of God. We must tune our ears to His voice. One of the best ways to do this is to bathe our minds in His Word. His Word is the unchanging standard. The only source that we know is pure, untainted, unadulterated truth. By familiarizing ourselves with the truth we will begin to learn how to discern between good and evil, but more than that, we will learn to discern His voice among the cacophony of voices competing for our attention and allegiance. There are many counterfeits out there, and we must be on our guard, but we cannot allow fear to keep us from pursuing our birthright as children of God. We have been born again into a real conversational relationship with God, and we cannot trade our birthright for something less fulfilling, even if it seems safer. We lose more than we gain.

The best way to train people to identify counterfeit currency is to begin with the study of genuine money, money that you know is real. By using and training our senses to recognize the real thing we will be able to attune to distinguish between our bridegroom and the pretenders. Jesus said that His sheep would know and hear his voice and that they will follow Him. This is not an option, but a statement of fact.

We must start with the Word and continue in prayer. The Word is the primary way that we discover the general will of God, but we must have a real relationship with the Spirit. The Spirit is the only right interpreter of the Word. Not only that, but He promises to guide us into all truth. There are many forms of prayer, but conversational prayer is a key, but often neglected form. In conversational prayer we spend time talking, but we also spend time listening. I find that starting with the Word helps to set my mind on Him, renew my perspective, and remind me of the sound of His voice. Then, as I enter in to prayer I share my heart or the needs of others and I listen for how He would have me pray, and what He would have me do. Over the years I have found a journal to be an invaluable tool for recording these conversations. Aside from crystallizing the thoughts or impressions into words this also serves to record those words for later reflection, application, and testing against the Word.

I am serving a King and I need to get my orders from Him. The general outline of His battle plans and principles of warfare are available through His written Word, but my role in the battle is often less clear. I need to know where He wants to deploy me today. What position on the battle line, what resources I should take with me. Prayer is how we get our orders from the King. Prayer also humbles me and reminds me of my right relationship to the King. I am not the King. I am a servant, a supplicant, and a soldier of the King. Prayer, as my father used to say, keeps me from getting too big for my britches. Prayer is also a weapon that we use in our service to the King. We have been entrusted with weapons that demolish strongholds. Prayer is one of the most powerful tools at our disposal as Christians. We have been commanded to pray, we have been instructed how to pray, we have been given examples of prayers, we have been admonished about the potential power of prayer. But still we neglect the very weapon that could win the battle because we are too busy trying to win the battle. I do not pretend to understand how or why prayer works, but this much is clear: Prayer does a work in me, and is also a powerful and effective means that God uses to accomplish much.

Perfectly Designed

The Lord sure did a good job when he created the world! It is so varied and so beautiful and so real. I have often heard people say that we were made for heaven, but I don’t think that does justice to God’s creation, nor to our relationship with it. The universe was created by God as a sort of terrarium, a perfectly designed home, for His children. He designed us for the world and the world for us. He gave us 5 distinct senses through which to perceive and enjoy the many splendored delights with which He filled the world. He gave us minds to wonder and speculate and he placed within us the ability to comprehend and appreciate the wonder of it all. We may be fit for heaven, but we are definitely fit for earth.

We were meant to enjoy God’s creation and to manage it for Him and with Him. We were designed to hypothesize and to question and to discuss these questions with Him. I’m not sure that He answered all of Adam and Eve’s questions directly. If Jesus’ interactions are any indication, He may have often answered them with another question that spurred their investigation rather than answer them straightforwardly. You see, He also created us with the capacity for growth. We obviously grow physically, but our intellectual and spiritual growth is more subtle and less apparent. Our environment contains all that we need to stimulate and encourage our growth, if God is a part of it. God is always a part of it, but we are not always aware of Him and even more rarely seek or welcome His input or perspective.

When Adam and Eve decided that they would be better off seeking knowledge apart from God, they began the idolatry that still afflicts their children today. We placed our trust first in a serpent, who cunningly encouraged us to trust in ourselves to know the best, and planted the seed of doubt about God as our father. He is the father who delights to give good gifts to His children, but we don’t believe that. Like Adam and Eve we believe that He is holding something back that is good for us. He is denying us knowledge and experience that we want or need, and so we greedily grab the fruit from the tree and eat it, only to discover that it is sweet in the mouth but poisonous.

The world that was so perfectly designed for us, and us for it, becomes not just the location but the source for our idolatry. We make life on earth or various aspects of life the center of our pursuit, the objects of our worship, rather than delighting in them as gifts from our Father that turn our hearts back to Him. It is so easy to fall into making this world our home and focus, and this is a testimony to what a great job God did in fitting us for this world. We were made for this world, but we were meant to enjoy it in relationship with God, and we are incapable of truly reveling in it apart from Him. He has given us all good things to enjoy, but instead of enjoying them rightly, we long for them, we lust for them, we make them our god.

This is obvious when it comes to sex, power, drugs, alcohol, or even food, but is less obvious in other areas. This is all complicated by the fact that we have become masters of self-deception and rationalization. We call something a virtue that is really a vice. The scriptures call this iniquity. Iniquity is a perversion of perspective; it is calling something that is bad, good, or something that is good, bad. It’s not just missing the mark, or even willfully missing the mark, the first is sin and the second is rebellion. Iniquity is deeper. It is a twisting of our perception that warps reality for us, and we no longer deal with what is actually true, but rather with our own personally or culturally defined reality.

As Christians who are striving to follow God and to work out our salvation with fear and trembling we must be on guard against our own self-deception as well as that which comes from the world around us and the devil, the old serpent. Anything that makes this present world, or anything in it, myself included, the center of the universe is wrong. I find that some of my own ministry is man centered or self centered rather than God centered. I do many things for the wrong reasons and label them as good. This doesn’t make them inherently bad, but the more I do this the farther I slip down a slippery slope. Is it bad to build schools to educate illiterate children? No. But the real question is, “Is this what God would have me do?” Anything that is not from faith is sin. When we go through life as practical atheists, with no real relationship to God, no humility or submission to Him, then we are unrepentant idolaters regardless of how much we read the scriptures or how orthodox our theology is. God, must be the center of our lives and we will be most human and alive, and most able to enjoy the world He designed for us when we are living in humble submission to Him.

Learning and Seeking

I spend a lot of time reading. I like to think and analyze. When I have the time, and sometimes even when I don’t have the time, I spend hours reading news. I try to stay up to date on what is happening in the world. It is interesting to see the various reports about what is happening in the world. There are so many reports from various corners of the globe, so many forces at work and so many theories about what produces or controls these forces. I want to understand. I want to know what is happening and to understand why. I think that on some level I believe that knowing and understanding will allow me to control or to anticipate the future.

We are driven to understand and to seek control. Marx, Engels, Lenin, Stalin, and Mao all agreed that history was moving inexorably toward a communist utopia. They constructed a system that they felt encapsulated the scope of human history and explained why everything happened. They predicted where it was heading and then decided to cooperate with history and nudge it along towards the “inevitable” conclusion. Unfortunately, they were wrong. In the process they destroyed the lives of millions.

Scripture teaches us that humans were created in the image of God and were endowed with power and authority to be his stewards on the earth. We were meant to understand and cooperate with the movement of history. We are his ambassadors, his regents. We are co-heirs with Jesus and are Sons of God, fit to reign with Him. However, we lack perspective. We cannot possibly understand the scope of history. We do not understand where we have come from or where we are going. We were meant to be stewards not kings.

Only God created the heavens and the earth. Only He knows the end from the beginning. Only He knows what happens to each sparrow and what transpires in the hearts of presidents and prime ministers. The forces at work, both natural and human, are complex beyond our imagining. Our efforts to understand, while a noble reflection of the original design and stewardship, are also too feeble to reach the ultimate conclusions. We are dependent on Him for revelation. He has given us general revelation, the world around us, and there is much that we can comprehend if we humbly pursue right understanding, but we also need specific revelation. There are many things that we simply cannot know without the all knowing One revealing them to us. We need Him to reveal Himself to us, and we need Him to guide us into truth and to show us the way that we should walk with Him as individuals and as a community called by His name. Once we were not a people, but now we are His very body on earth. The as the body takes its orders from the head, so we must be in touch with and controlled by the Head.

We must not treat God as a principle at work in the world. We must recognize Him as a person. As much as I seek knowledge and understanding, I must seek Him even more. If I want to know truth I should pursue the Way, the Truth, and the Life. If I want to find my place in this world I must seek the One who created me and the world. Only He knows why I am here and the good purposes that He wants to accomplish through me.

He is weaving a tapestry and every life is a strand within it. Only He knows the pattern being followed and the design it will create. His aesthetic is different than ours, and the beauty is deeper and richer than we can imagine. In the end we will see His glory and our good woven together. He knows how to use the dark strands to accentuate the bright colors. He knows what He is about. We must submit to His hand and we will find joy in the journey.

Being Who We Are

We humans really are funny creatures. I can’t think of any other creature who tries to be something other than what he is. I don’t see a hyena trying to be a lion, or a fish trying to be a bird. I don’t see leopards trying to change their spots. No, to attempt to be other than who we are is a particularly human foible. We have such a hard time learning to be comfortable with who we are, and it seems that so much in our world is bent on encouraging us to be discontent or to hold up some model with which we should conform. Literally from the time that we are born, we are measured and compared and found wanting in some way. We have percentage charts for height and weight and numerous other ways of measuring and comparing our attributes. In every culture there are preferable hair, skin, and eye colors, or other qualities that are valued or devalued. We compare ourselves to others and we feel alternatively good or bad about ourselves based on how we measure up to these standards. It is a source of false pride, or equally false debasement.

Scripture tells us that each one of us was knit together in our mothers’ womb and was uniquely designed and created by God. We are each one of us, His workmanship. The Potter has formed us with an exact design in mind, and He didn’t make any mistakes when he was shaping and forming us. He created us and endowed us with just exactly the qualities that He wanted us to have so that we could do exactly what He wants us to do. Not only did He create us, but He also prepared good works in advance for us to do. He has good plans for us, good work for us to do, a contribution for us to make to His Kingdom, a unique contribution that He has designed us perfectly to accomplish.

He also designed us for relationship with Him. It’s not just that He has something that He wants to do through us; He wants to do something in us. We are each formed in His image, and He is in the process of restoring and refining that image in each of us. Humans were never designed to be independent. We are inherently dependent creatures. We are needy. We need food. We need drink. We need shelter from the elements. We need relationships. We need things outside of ourselves to be fully ourselves. Our most central need, the one most needful thing, is God. There are many things that we can busy ourselves with, even using the gifts and abilities that God has given us, but only one necessary thing. We were never intended to live apart from God.

When Jesus lived on earth, he demonstrated this total dependence on God. Jesus repeatedly taught through His words and actions that He marched to the beat of the divine drummer. He was not dominated by culture, expectations, methodologies, or strategies. Instead, He carefully cultivated the habit of attentiveness to His Father. Jesus said repeatedly that he did nothing and said nothing except those things that the Father wanted Him to do and say. There is no independent streak here, no rigidity, no pride, no insecurity. He simply listened to His Father’s voice and went about His Father’s business.

The more I minister to and with people the more I see the distinctiveness of each person. God has truly created each person uniquely and there is no one else like any one of us. I am coming to the understanding that the abundant life is cannot be separated from a life of service. Oneness with God means listening for His guidance and doing the things that He has designed us to be. We cannot separate our pursuit of Him from our service to Him. It is folly to think that we can be disgruntled about our design and be pleased with the Designer. We must learn to embrace who He has created us to be and look for opportunities to serve with and through His Spirit. By working with Him we learn about Him and grow closer to Him.

Climbing Toward Wisdom

Have you ever wondered how we came to eat certain foods and to avoid others? How did we discover that olives contained oil? How did we find out which berries were edible, and which ones were poisonous? Someone had to eat it to find out. That information was passed down to those that came after. Someone tried different ways of preparing or mixing different foods together and those recipes were passed down. Today, we have available to us a dizzying array of information, we have more information available to us than ever before. Our knowledge of our bodies and the world around us is increasing exponentially. Unfortunately, our wisdom is not increasing at the same rate.

Wisdom is more than just knowledge. We say that “knowledge is power”, and that is true, but wisdom knows how to use that power. We must learn from those who have gone before us. This is true in all aspects of our lives, but especially so in spiritual matters. It’s not only arrogant, but foolish to contemplate the way to find God in isolation from those who have pursued Him in the past.

Christian history is filled with stories of those who have pursued Him. How did they go about it? What were their lives like? Were they successful? Did their lives show evidence of the Spirit? What was the impact of their lives on those around them? We don’t have to discover a “new and improved” way to find God, or to find fulfillment for our lives. The way is mapped out for us in history, and even more clearly on the pages of Scripture.In the New Testament alone, we have a battery of stories and instructions about how to find the way to God and how to stay on the path during the rugged ascent to the City of God. It is a difficult path, and one that few find, and even fewer ascend. I believe that I am on the path. I know that I am on the lower slopes of the climb, but I can see the foot prints of those that have gone before me and I am determined to go up higher.

Finding the path was joy unspeakable, but that was the beginning of the journey and not the end. As I climb the trail I see those who have set up camp on the slopes. They are not far from the path, but they have decided that they have gone far enough. Not content to stay there alone, they invite others to join them in their camp. Some have set up stands where they are selling their wares, and their ideas. They say that the ascent is a myth. There is nothing ahead, nothing worth climbing for. This is the promised land they say. These lower slopes are the destination. It is true that there is some beauty here, and they are nearer to the One than they were before. There is some reflected radiance from the Divine Sun, but they have settled for something less than all that He has for them. If only they would climb up higher! They would see the vista start to open before them. They would see that more is offered. The climb is worth it.

I try to show them map that I carry. I show them the ancient map of ascents, but they claim it is out dated or unreliable. The map is too old to be trusted in this day and age. The risks are too large, the climb to dangerous to trust an old map. Life is good here, why move on to what we don’t know when there are so many who we can live with in comfort here. I tell them about my guide. He will safely see me home, but they can’t see him, or don’t trust him. They say that only fools and crackpots would risk life and limb for a treasure they have but glimpsed through a glass darkly. Look there is water here to drink from? Why would you want to climb up to the source when we have water here? I want more than tepid water from a stagnant pool or broken cistern. I want the cool, clear, fresh water from the fountain of life. I am dismayed that so many who have found the path are satisfied with something less than life with the guide. For the secret is that the guide is also the source. There is joy in the journey and the journey, though arduous, is worth it. Or so say the prophets and apostles. So I climb on.

Not Mute Like the Idols

In the last few years I have been repeatedly brought to the realization that God wants to speak to us. He is not mute like the idols. As I have grown in my desire to hear His voice and to enter into a real conversational relationship with God, I have been surprised by the resistance to this idea that I have received from people. What has been more disturbing is that the resistance has come from within the Body of Christ. Many have discouraged me from this pursuit, assuring me that what looks like a road toward Him is really a blind alley. Some have argued from scripture that since the Bible has been completed that God doesn’t speak to us personally. Others have cautioned me that He might speak in extreme circumstances, but that we shouldn’t expect to hear from Him frequently or regularly. Others have been worried that I was “going off the deep end” and would spend my life in a fruitless pursuit of “more” when I should be content with what God has already revealed.

The more I read scripture the clearer it has become to me that relationship with God is the central theme. We were created to have relationship with Him and since the fall, the restoration of this relationship has become the defining quest of God on earth and occasionally of man. It is in relationship with God that man becomes fully human and the restoration of the marred image of God begins. It is in through this relationship that we get what our hearts desire and God gets glory for Himself.

God speaks to us! He does this in many ways, but one of the clearest and most trustworthy is His Word. The Bible is the only objective standard, the unchanging revelation against which we can measure our other, more subjective, experiences of God; but it is more than that. The Word of God is active. The Bible contains the logos, but the logos is not limited to the Bible. God’s Spirit is the key to hearing God’s voice. It is the Spirit that guides us into all Truth. It is the Spirit that illuminates our minds and allows us to rightly understand scripture. It is the Spirit of Christ that pierces our hearts and cuts us to the quick. He is the one who holds of the mirror of the Word and uses it to show us ourselves and the areas that need to be attended to. He wields the Word like a surgeon to lance our Spiritual infections and to cut out the cancerous growths that threaten our life. It is telling that the only unforgivable sin is to blaspheme the Spirit. Without the Spirit there is no life in us, no new life in Christ.

The last two weeks I have had a very interesting experience during the Sunday morning worship service. In both cases the simple reading of scripture was used by the Spirit to pierce my heart. Last week as I sat and listened to Eph 2:11-22 being read, I was suddenly aware of the implications of verses 14 for my life. Christ came to abolish the dividing wall of hostility, but in my heart I still harbored prejudices against certain peoples. It was as if a spotlight shown into a dark corner of my life, suddenly exposing the filth that I had hidden there. I had rationalized and excused my perspective and had found many in the Body willing to be co-conspirators with me. We subtly reinforce the rightness of our disobedience, and in the process grieve the Spirit of God. As I sat there I was suddenly doing business with God. It wasn’t something that I had planned on, or had been expecting. I hadn’t been ruminating about this beforehand. The only explanation is that the Spirit decided that this was the time to clean out that corner. God spoke to me by His Spirit and His word.

This week in church Eph. 3:1-20 was read, and again, I felt like God suddenly intervened through His Word to speak to me personally. As I read about the ministry that God has entrusted to Paul, I was suddenly aware of my own attitudes about ministry and my unworthiness to be used by God. As I saw Paul boldly proclaim both his status as “the least of all God’s people” and his role as the minister of an incredible mystery, I was deeply touched. I realized that I have been afraid to accept all that He might have me do or be. I have not felt worthy. As I told this to God in the quietness of my heart, He reminded me that no one is worthy. “Am I worthy?” is the wrong question. “Am I willing to obey?” is the right question. I find that like Moses I argue that I am not the right person or am not gifted enough to do what He asks me to do. But God is gentle and kind to rebuke me when I need it and to remind me that He is God and that He knows the good works that He has prepared in advance for me to do. Who am I to talk back to Him and to explain to Him what He ought to do? I am the clay, and He is the potter. But more than that, He is my Father and my King, and I am His child and his servant. He parents me and speaks to me. This is what He offers, if we will but listen.

Letting the Paradox Stand

God is sovereign and He is good. He is in control of all things and yet there is so much in scripture that speaks to human responsibility. I don’t know how to reconcile these two truths. If God is sovereign then how can we be truly free? If God is orchestrating world events, and to a great extent world events are shaped by the choices that humans make as individuals and as groups, then isn’t the freedom of the will simply an illusion? We only appear to be free to make decisions, but in fact our decisions are predestined by God.

If that is true, then how are we responsible for the decisions that we make? Our decisions are influenced by innumerable factors both external and internal, and if God is the one orchestrating these factors then he is controlling us in ways that are too subtle for us to understand. This would make God a masterful manipulator, but where is the righteousness and honor in that.

On the other hand, scripture clearly assumes that each person is in fact free to choose the path that they take. There are blessings for those who choose God’s path and curses for those who do not. Often, the prophets and apostles lay before the people two options and ask people to choose between life and death. Is this all just a shell game, a con where we are asked to choose the cup with the ball beneath, when in fact there is no real choice? No matter what we choose we either win or lose at the will of the one running the game. Some he chooses to win, while others he chooses as the perennial losers.

No, this can’t be it either. Why even include the book of proverbs in the canon if there are no real choices, if wisdom makes no difference? No, I must take God at His word and believe that I really will reap what I sow and that I have full responsibility for the seed that I sow. I sow where I will but I will also reap the consequences, good or evil, for my choices. So, here I find another paradox that I cannot resolve without discarding or disregarding one portion of scripture for another.

Humans are troubled by paradox. We need equilibrium. We need to know the answer, to resolve the tension. Here in lies one of our tragic flaws. We are driven to create systems that explain away the problems and the paradoxes. We ponder and deliberate and tighten our systems down until even the truth is squeezed out, or at least one part of the truth is squeezed out in favor of another more palatable part. Of course our palates are different and so we create systems or gravitate toward previously created systems that resonate with us and then we argue with each other about the systems and use scripture to make our case. Historically, we have even done violence to each other in defense of our “biblical” positions. This flies in the face of a clear teaching of Christ, that they will know us by our love and unity.

Is not all of this also a factor of our pride? In the garden our desire to know good and evil made us susceptible to the Serpent’s lies. We decided that we knew best about what we needed to know and when. So, we sinned, and we have kept on sinning by setting ourselves up as the arbiter of truth. It is not wrong to desire knowledge or to pursue truth, but it is wrong to insist on knowledge and on the timing of revelation. Our position as creatures demands that we submit ourselves to God and trust Him to share with us the things that we are prepared to receive. There is a progression to revelation; only He knows what we need to know and when. We must let the paradoxes stand and let them drive us to Him rather than away from Him in search of knowledge apart from Him.

Suffering and Sovereignty

I find myself struggling with reconciling the goodness with God with the news. I read scripture and I see that God is good and that He is worthy of praise of Trust. He is the anchor of our souls and our only hope. The central message of scripture seems to be that He is and that He can be trusted. But how do I reconcile that with the constant barrage of tragedy and evil that comes through the news. A constant stream of evil and the resulting suffering in almost mind numbing variety flow from every news outlet.

God’s children are not immune from these things. God’s own children are victimized by evil men along with others in their communities. They are subject to extortion, racism and other systemic evils as well as those more personal but no less invasive attacks against their person or property. They have traffic accidents and get cancer. They are stolen from and burglarized. They are molested and raped. They are mugged, beaten and murdered. So where is the ever watchful eye of God the Father caring for His children when these things are happening?

I know that some sacrifice His sovereignty for His goodness. But I don’t see how that solves the problem. How can we make him more worthy of praise by diminishing his power and ability? How can we feel better about Him by ignoring, or doing violence to, the revelation of Himself through the scriptures? No, that can’t be the answer. He must be sovereign because He says He is, and because if He isn’t then He isn’t worthy of our worship. If Yahweh isn’t in control then I am worshiping the wrong deity.

It is true that my life has been a good one. I have had very little suffering up to this point, and I am truly grateful for that. I can see His goodness and care in so many aspects of my life and I am humbled and grateful. What I am struggling with is how to trust a God who isn’t tame. I am realizing how much of my theology has been built on my relatively pleasant experience. It’s easy in the comfort of my home, surrounded by those I love, to believe that God is good and sovereign. The hard part is that there really are no guarantees. I want to know what I can do to be secure, to make sure that my kids have a good life, a comfortable life. How can I protect my kids? How can I trust a God who doesn’t promise to protect my kids?

I was taught and believed that if I did the right things and applied biblical principles to my life and parenting that everything would turn out in a predictable and pleasant. The longer I live the more I see that life doesn’t work that way. It isn’t enough for me to practice principles and wait for the desired results. Wash, rinse, and repeat and you will have bouncing and behaving hair. But what if the product doesn’t perform as advertised; with biblical principles results may vary! The frustrating fact is that we are not in control, and the One who is in control doesn’t promise that our lives will turn out as we want them to if we just follow his 10 step plan.

So, if God doesn’t promise to give me what I want, why follow Him at all? I find myself with Peter responding, “Where else can we go Lord, who else has the words of eternal life?” I think that the secret must lie in the eternal life. God knows the end from the beginning. He knows what is best for us, for our children, for the world and everyone in it. He knows what He is doing, and it is far too complicated for us to understand. If this world were all that there was, I might well conclude that it is not worth it to follow Christ. Those who follow him often suffer in this world, my own experience and that of many Western Christians not withstanding.

So, I find myself standing on the promise that He is both good and sovereign. He must make it all right in the end. It’s just that I can see neither the beginning nor the end from where I am standing; thus the need for humility and faith, the twin pillars of my trust in Him.

Humility and Trust

Humility is the right relationship of creature to creator. Pride has warped our understanding of ourselves, others, and God. I still have SO much to learn about humility, and even more work ahead to grasp humility in my own heart and life, and yet I feel like I can see glimpses of the enormous importance of this, the root of all true virtues. I see how pride undermines trust. I can see how pride is the root of all evil and the opposite of faith. I always thought that unbelief was the opposite of faith, but now I see it differently. Faith is not just belief in the abstract, it is trust. The opposite of trust is pride. To trust someone is to surrender my good, my judgment to another. I see my children growing up, and while there are many joys along the way, I realize now that I am watching trust die before my eyes.

When my children were babies, they had no idea what was going on. They were utterly and completely dependent on my wife and I to care for them. We fed them, changed their diapers, and kept them safe. As they grew older we could enjoy more of the benefits of our investment in their lives. We could have more fellowship with them as they were able to understand more and to interact with us more intentionally. I can’t really capture the joy that filled my heart the other day when I asked my son what he wanted to do or where he wanted to go on a recent Saturday morning. I told him that he could choose anywhere and anything within reason. He paused to consider his options and with no guile or calculation he responded, “Dad, I just want to be where you are.” That is the cry of the heart of each of us for our heavenly father.

Moments like that are precious and they reveal much. Just as revealing is my son’s response when I tell him to stop playing with his favorite toy and to get dressed and ready for school. He is shocked that I would dare to prevent him from continuing to indulge in his pleasurable pursuit. He argues and sulks and generally lets me know that I can not possibly have his interests at heart, because it is obvious that if I did, then I would let him have his way. He has replaced trust with pride. He has decided that He is the arbiter of Truth and Goodness. He has ceased to trust me to know and do what is best for him. He no longer unquestionably accepts the things I do for him as good. Now he thinks that he knows what would be best for him, or at least what he would prefer. The problem is that he does not actually know what is good because his perspective is so limited.

It is sad for me to watch the blissfulness of early childhood slip away. The trust is being replaced by fear. The implicit belief that my wife and I are good and that we love him is gradually being stripped away and exchanged for the feeling that if he doesn’t look out for himself then he won’t get what he wants. He is starting to feel like he has to insist on his rights, his desires, and if he doesn’t get what he wants than he is somehow missing out or being cheated. His desires are being thwarted, and it is his desires, his perspective that are right. He knows in his heart that he is right and that anyone, even those who lovingly created him and care for him still, who would keep him from what he wants must be wrong and can’t be trusted.

The faith of a child is being replaced by the fear that is bred by pride. Pride is the belief that I am right. I am central. I am the one at the center of the universe. I think therefore I am. I am the existent one and all things revolve around me. God is good to the extent that he responds to me in the way that I believe he ought to. God is trustworthy to the degree that he keeps me safe and comfortable and comes through for me when I need him, or gives me what I want.

This is the foundational problem. Most of my faith struggles come down to this. How can I trust God with my children when I don’t know that God will keep them safe? The answer is that God never promised to keep them safe. How can I trust God when there is so much suffering? How can I trust God when I am suffering? If God doesn’t prevent suffering or injustice what good is He? How good is he? But our questions are wrong. They are all self-serving and self-referential. God is good because it is His nature. He promises to work even the pain and suffering together for my good and the good of all His children and, more importantly, for His glory. He is the central character in the story. It’s all about Him, not about me. When I switch that around I have started to kill my faith. I lack the perspective, the knowledge, the wisdom to know what is good for me or for others. I have to humbly trust.

Purpose and Illusion

What is it about me that I am always looking out beyond the horizon for my happiness? I am blessed beyond belief. My life is full, I have been given more than any man has a right to and am surrounded by those I love and who love me. But there is a niggling inkling in the back of my mind. If only I had… then I would really be happy. If only I lived…then I would be really happy. There is a picture in my mind of the blissful place; the perfect setting, the picture with no wants and no flaws. It’s not always there, but in times of quiet reflection, or times of stress, there’s no telling just when it may appear, but suddenly it’s there in my mind. It is not a sinful picture (most of the time). It’s just a picture of a place different than where I am right now.

The more I entertain this picture, this illusion, the more power it begins to exert on me. I start to be dissatisfied with the blessings that fill my life now. It starts to change my mood, my perspective on the things surrounding me starts to get dark and cloudy. It starts to alter the way I view people. People become either a barrier to overcome on the road to my illusive paradise, or they become a means to get me there. No longer are they children of God, dearly loved and meant to be served, but rather objects to be used to gratify my desires or obstructions to be battered down and removed from the road to happiness.

The central illusion, the lie, is that there is something in this world that will satisfy the cravings of my heart. I was made for God. I was made for heaven. Augustine said that our hearts are restless until they find their rest in God. Pascal said that in the heart of every man there is a God shaped vacuum. My heart yearns for God and it yearns for the satisfaction and rest that will not be mine until heaven. There is no denying that even as I follow hard after God and experience more joy and satisfaction than I ever thought possible I am still aware of a hunger within. I still haven’t found what I’m looking for.

It seems that the best that I have found on earth is to be who I was created to be and to use the gifts and resources that He has entrusted to me to do the things that He has prepared in advance for me to do. I keep hearing the Scottish brogue of a character in a movie called Chariots of Fire. The movie is based on a true story about British runners in the 1920’s. One of them is Eric Liddell. Liddell was a pastor and a missionary to China, but was also an exceptionally fast runner. In one scene, his sister is trying to talk him out of running in the Olympics because she is afraid that he will become enamored with the fame and never go to China. He responds, “I believe that God made me with a purpose and that purpose is China, but He also made me fast, and when I run I feel His pleasure.”

I believe that God has made each of us with a purpose and when we do what He has created us to do, we feel His pleasure. In fact, what we experience is the presence and the power of the Spirit coursing through us as we exercise the gifts that He has given us to do the work He has entrusted to us. Paul tells us that we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do the good works that He has planned in advance for us to do. When we acknowledge this and decide to trust Him and to acknowledged who he has created us to be and then do the works that He has put before us, we are on the path to experience Him more and more in our daily lives.

This doesn’t get rid of the ache for heaven, but the sweet fellowship with His Spirit transforms the ache from a driving pain to a sweet reminder that there is more waiting for us.

Expectation and Conversation

I am not a morning person. I am the kind of person who would prefer to stay up late and sleep in the morning. There are many cultures where this is normal, unfortunately I was not born into such a culture, nor apparently were my wife and kids who all like to go to bed early and wake up early. For the last week or so, I have been living on their time schedule. One of the benefits of this is that I have been getting into God’s Word early every morning, in fact, it is the first thing I have been doing after I get out of bed. (Minus the obligatory trudge to the coffee maker for my morning caffeine fix.)

I have grown in the last few years to be more consistent in my times with God, but have usually done this either immediately after I go to the office, or more often, in the evenings after my family is in bed and the house is quiet. I have enjoyed those times and I have had many meaningful connections with God and wonderful times in His Word. I have no regrets about that habit. I have often scoffed and responded somewhat defensively to those who indicate that those who would really seek God must do so early in the morning. I still don’t buy that, but I have found myself really enjoying these early morning meetings with God. I enjoy the renewal of perspective that this provides and the way that it sets my mind and heart in the right direction for the day. I appreciate the way that God’s voice is the first voice I hear, before the cacophony of other voices start to sound in my ears, heart, and mind.

I have found myself opening the Word with the expectation the God will speak to me. He is the God who wants to and will reveal Himself to me, or will reveal to me something about myself. This is a sweet development in my relationship with God. It has been coming on slowly, and after many years of darkness and growth I can just see the first sprig budding from the ground. I love that He has developed this expectation of revelation in me. It’s not just the fact that He has spoken, or can speak, but that He will speak. If I am honest I have to admit to some fear mixed with this wonder. After all, this is the awesome and terrifying Creator God. He is an all consuming fire. The mountains melt like wax before Him. He is a lion, but also a lamb. He is gentle and kind and a smoldering wick He will not extinguish. Still He is completely free and somewhat unpredictable. He is trustworthy, but only He knows the end from the beginning, and there is no easy certainty about what He will do or say. In scripture He often does exactly what we would not expect Him to do. I trust Him and I am getting to know Him better and better but what kind of real understanding can I have of His thoughts or ways which are higher than mine as the heavens are high above the earth.

So, this morning as my eyes fell on Psalm 51 (the starting place for my reading for the day) there was a shock in my mind and a corresponding physical jolt in my body. I was somewhat afraid of what He would say. I have often come to this Psalm in times of grief and repentance. I was not sure what He would say to me today. What would He reveal? What sin would He uncover and lay bare? What would wound would He probe causing pain, but ultimately healing? What variety of love could I expect from Him today? Would it be the hard discipline due to a wayward son, the gentle embrace of the Father to a prodigal, or the tender encouragement to keep on the path I am on? I have received all these and more in the past, and I know which ones I would prefer, but only He knows what I need to grow. He is the perfect, all-knowing and loving Father.

His love for me is fierce. It will brook no rivals or competitors for my affections. Other lovers less wild have no place in my life, and He will be brutal in his confrontation of these. He loves me too well to let me continue to sell myself into slavery. Sometimes He must take up a whip of cords to cleanse the temple of my heart. He brings conviction and comfort in season.

I am so grateful for the development of this conversational relationship. I love that He is becoming so real to me that I am expecting Him to speak. I want more than outward obedience to a set of biblical principles. I want a real relationship with a living person, and am so glad that He showed me this long hoped for thing becoming reality this morning. May He draw me closer day by day.