It is hard to stop tinkering

I have recently completed a book that is in the final stages awaiting publication. While I have written for years, I have never written a book before. I found the entire process to be very personal and challenging. One of my wife's favourite quotes is from Augustine. He said, "I count myself one of the number of those who write as they learn and learn as they write." That has definitely been my experience.

The creative process was hard, but invigorating. I didn't even know what I was going to write until I started writing. I knew that I felt compelled to write, but I was intimidated to start. I delayed the start of writing for literally years because I kept thinking, "Who am I to write?!" In the end, I sat down, opened the laptop, and started writing. The first thing that came out became the prologue for the book. It all flowed from there. I generally felt carried along during the creative phase.

The editing phase was much more difficult and was brand new to me. I had to invite people to critique what I had so painstakingly created. It was a test of courage to actually put it out there. I emailed it to a few people I respected as brothers and as writers. I cringed each time I checked email for the next few weeks. I wrestled with my fears and insecurities. What if I really sucked? What if my writing was of the kind only a mother could love?!

As the input started coming back, it was hard to process. My friends offered encouragement as well as advice and suggestions. Which suggestions should I incorporate? Was my desire to reject some suggestions founded on pride and defensiveness? Through this process I refined my voice and by allowing my friends to honestly critique my work, the book was vastly improved. Even when I rejected specific suggestions, the process of wrestling with each editorial decision strengthened my voice and I hope my writing.

But, there comes a point when I had to release the text to the publisher. That was more difficult than I could have imagined. I kept delaying it so that I would have more time to tinker with the text. Should I add a chapter about....? Should I delete the section about...? Is that really the way I want to say this?

It was hard to stop tinkering.

A friend of mine who writes music told me, "A song is never really done. You just stop working on it." I feel that way about this book. The publisher is happy with it. My friends are happy with it. I may never be completely finished with it, but I am done working on it.