On Friday I was skyping with some friends. As we often do, we ended the call by praying for each other. One of the things they prayed for me was that God would fill me up for the up coming week of intense ministry by meeting me in worship. In the last few days, this prayer has been answered many times over, the most recent one was this morning, when God ambushed me again!
Perhaps that needs a little explaining...
When I was a kid, we took great delight on hiding in the house and jumping out at unsuspecting loved ones. Often, particularly with my dad, these childish ambushes were followed with tickles and fun. At any moment, your day could be interrupted by a loving ambush. When you least expected it, someone would jump out at you and you would be thrown into chaos for a moment as your adrenalin kicked in. The intensity of emotion heightening the connection with someone you were not looking for.
One of the really fun things for me in the last few years, has been the way God sneaks up behind me and taps me on the shoulder when I'm not looking. Sometimes it feels really playful, as if He was hiding behind the door with a sly smile on His face, listening to my approaching footsteps, anticipating the look on my face when He jumps out. Other times it is more sedate and deep like suddenly discovering an old friend sitting in your living room and inviting you to sit down and catch up. Still other times, the ambushes are more severe, like suddenly being caught in the act, suddenly knowing that you are caught, guilty, and there is no wiggling out of it.
One of the great joys of my life has been learning what it means to live in what Dallas Willard calls "a God bathed world". The fact is that our world is filled with God. He is available to us every moment. He is actually present everywhere at every moment but we can live our whole lives without being aware of Him. Cultivating sensitivity to Him and creating space in my life to respond to Him takes discipline and intentionality, but it is well worth it. He reveals Himself to those who seek Him.
This morning, He ambushed me as my wife was reading from "Jesus Calling". I'm not really a devotional reader kind of guy, but God totally ambushed me this morning! I am preparing to travel to Asia for a week of intense ministry. I went to bed last night trying to anticipate all that the week would hold and even playing through potential conversations in my head. This mornings reading opened with this line, "Trust me enough to let things happen without striving to predict or control them." I didn't really hear the rest of the reading.
I felt like God had just tapped me on the shoulder. My mind flooded with all the ways I had tried to do exactly that. I was suddenly deliciously aware of His presence and the absurdity of my façade of control, my desire to accurately anticipate the future. Instead, He reminded me that I can and should relax into His presence. I can be present in every moment and be anticipating Him, listening for His approaching footsteps.
I am eager to see what He has in store for me this week. I am eager to live with Him, to walk with Him. With an almost childlike giggling fear, I'm peering around each corner wondering when He will ambush me again.
Monday, October 10, 2011
Friday, October 7, 2011
Why do you do what you do?
I have received two emails recently that have puzzled me, and that is a good thing. The confusion forces me to engage with the questions they raise. Essentially, two trusted friends have asked me why I am writing. Both have observed that I am not going to get famous or make any money writing what I do as I do. (Particularly because I have designated that all royalties go directly to charity.) At the core, their the question was, "Why bother writing?"
It is a fair question. Particularly when I look at the sales of the last book, which have not gone through the roof. When two trusted people ask you the same question, it is worth a good think.
As I have pondered this , I have come to this conclusion: I write because God has asked me to write. Several years ago God broke into my life and specifically encouraged me to write. As a part of a spiritual retreat, I asked Him, "What do you want me to prioritize in this next season of ministry?" And much to my surprise He answered me. I have found it dangerous to ask God questions! More than once I have been surprised when He has spoken up and answered what I had intended to be a rhetorical question in my prayer times.
Unfortunately, He did not tell me what to write, nor did He promise me that anyone would read what I write. He simply told me to make writing a part of what I do. I spent the next 4 years doing everything except writing. I argued with Him, telling Him that it was pretentious of me to write. After all...who am I to write? I'm no John Piper, Dallas Willard, or C.S. Lewis. I told Him that I didn't have time to write, I was too busy doing other things for the Kingdom. I filled my schedule with people and projects and steadfastly refused to write. Eventually, I started to write little things and that was how this blog got started.
However, I found that I could not encourage others to move forward in their relationship with God while steadfastly refusing to follow His direction in my own life. My fears and insecurities did not go away, but I finally chose to stop resisting and procrastinating. I did not know what was going to come out when I sat down and actually started writing. I still had no direction from on High. But, as I started writing, the book Pursuit of a Thirsty Fool took shape. It was during the process of writing and re-writing that the opportunity for publishing suddenly emerged, and that was how I "accidentally" became a published author.
I do not know that the next book will see the light of day. I know that the process of writing the last one, and this one, has propelled me into the arms of God. This process has forced me to face my own weakness, fears, and insecurities. I have grown and changed in the process of creating. God has used this process to draw me closer to Himself. God is re-creating me as I create.
I believe it is my job to write the best book I can. I work hard, I offer it as a gift to my King, and I trust that He will use it as He sees fit. If He uses it to impact one or a million, is up to Him. I like the way that Keith Green said it, "You do your best and pray that it's blessed, and He'll take care of the rest."
I don't write to be famous. I don't write to make money. I don't write to have an impact. I don't write because I think I have something profound to say. I write because I believe it is part of the work that God has prepared in advance for me to do. (Eph. 2:10)
Why do you do what you do?
It is a fair question. Particularly when I look at the sales of the last book, which have not gone through the roof. When two trusted people ask you the same question, it is worth a good think.
As I have pondered this , I have come to this conclusion: I write because God has asked me to write. Several years ago God broke into my life and specifically encouraged me to write. As a part of a spiritual retreat, I asked Him, "What do you want me to prioritize in this next season of ministry?" And much to my surprise He answered me. I have found it dangerous to ask God questions! More than once I have been surprised when He has spoken up and answered what I had intended to be a rhetorical question in my prayer times.
Unfortunately, He did not tell me what to write, nor did He promise me that anyone would read what I write. He simply told me to make writing a part of what I do. I spent the next 4 years doing everything except writing. I argued with Him, telling Him that it was pretentious of me to write. After all...who am I to write? I'm no John Piper, Dallas Willard, or C.S. Lewis. I told Him that I didn't have time to write, I was too busy doing other things for the Kingdom. I filled my schedule with people and projects and steadfastly refused to write. Eventually, I started to write little things and that was how this blog got started.
However, I found that I could not encourage others to move forward in their relationship with God while steadfastly refusing to follow His direction in my own life. My fears and insecurities did not go away, but I finally chose to stop resisting and procrastinating. I did not know what was going to come out when I sat down and actually started writing. I still had no direction from on High. But, as I started writing, the book Pursuit of a Thirsty Fool took shape. It was during the process of writing and re-writing that the opportunity for publishing suddenly emerged, and that was how I "accidentally" became a published author.
I do not know that the next book will see the light of day. I know that the process of writing the last one, and this one, has propelled me into the arms of God. This process has forced me to face my own weakness, fears, and insecurities. I have grown and changed in the process of creating. God has used this process to draw me closer to Himself. God is re-creating me as I create.
I believe it is my job to write the best book I can. I work hard, I offer it as a gift to my King, and I trust that He will use it as He sees fit. If He uses it to impact one or a million, is up to Him. I like the way that Keith Green said it, "You do your best and pray that it's blessed, and He'll take care of the rest."
I don't write to be famous. I don't write to make money. I don't write to have an impact. I don't write because I think I have something profound to say. I write because I believe it is part of the work that God has prepared in advance for me to do. (Eph. 2:10)
Why do you do what you do?
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