I am an information junkie. I want to know things. I want to understand what is happening in the world around me. I want to understand the past. I want to track the present. I am almost constantly seeking out knowledge, researching something. It's not all bad, but I believe that part of what drives me in this is my desire for control. On some level I believe that it is up to me to make sure I don't miss the good, or that I will be responsible if something preventable and bad happens.
It may sound crazy, but I think that if I understand the past and the present that I will be able to predict the future; not in a mystical sort of way, but by connecting the dots and seeing the big picture, seeing the trajectory of events. I still don't completely understand where this started in my heart or why I am compelled in this way, but I feel it deep in my soul. I don't want to be caught unaware, or flat footed. I want to be able to see threats and opportunities. I want to be competent. I want to be "on top of things". I want to make good decisions.
I believe that some of this is from God, a part of the way that He made me; however I think that it can also be twisted. I think part of it is fear based. Fear that I (or those I love) will be hurt if I fail to be vigilant. I'm afraid that something will happen that I could have, should have, foreseen. I am afraid that if I let down my guard, I will be taken advantage of, or I will become a victim of something that "I should have seen coming". On some level I seek to be God, and fail to trust Him. Even as I write this, I remember.
I remember being victimized. I remember a leader, a friend, who took advantage of me as a boy and who wounded me deeply. He was a leader in the church. I remember kicking myself (not literally) and condemning myself and my failure to see it coming. I remember vowing that I wouldn't be taken in again. I wouldn't be fooled again. It started back then. The tendency to try to peer past the surface of things, try to discern what is going on at a deeper level so that I can protect myself. Is even this a gift from God?
God says that He is working all things together for good. Is my propensity for research and reflection a gift from God? I think it is, but it is also, at least in part, a result of the abuse I suffered as a boy. Because of what happened there is a wounded part of me. A part that fails to believe that He really is in control or that He really is going to take good care of me. I wonder what it would look like for me to really trust Him. How might my ability to take in and analyze data be used by Him rather than being a tool of my fears or desires. What would this gift from Him look like if fully redeemed and set free?
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
A Cup
What a privilege it is to be used by God. We are rarely aware of the way that God is using us, and that is probably a good thing...at least for me. I think that it would serve to puff up my already considerable ego. I am sure that even when I am being used by God, there is some of me mixed in and I cannot always tell the difference. I can't always sort out, which bit is divine and which is an expression of my mixed bag of emotions.
This weekend I believe I was used by God. I say this with some trepidation, but I believe it to be true, not because I feel a particular way, but because of the reactions of others. I was given the opportunity to preach on Sunday at a church. The pastor was traveling and they invited me to fill the pulpit. To be honest, I'm in the middle of a bunch of stuff right now, and I didn't really want to do it, but they asked and I felt compelled to say "yes". So, over the last few weeks I have been praying, studying, and preparing. Then, on Sunday I got to preach.
After the service and even into this week people have been contacting me to let me know how God spoke to them particularly through the sermon. It is not uncommon to get the occasional, "Good sermon pastor!" kind of comments from people, but these are different. One man called me and told me how his heart was touched and his life will forever be different in some very practical ways because of decisions he made in response the sermon. I have been preaching for a long time and rarely, if ever, have I seen this kind of response.
I don't think it is because I was better prepared, had a snappier outline, or better alliterations. I don't think it had to do with me much at all. As I have been reflecting on this, I think my role is like a cup. When you are drinking something, you rarely think about the cup. The size, shape, color, or design of the cup make little if any difference. The cup is not the point, the beverage is the point. The cup is not insignificant, it is useful and necessary to the process, but it is a means and not the end. Imagine going to a fine restaurant and ordering a really nice glass of wine. As you enjoy the wine, you won't really be thinking about the glass. The wine is what you enjoy, the cup is merely the utensil to get the wine into your mouth.
For whatever reason, God chose to use this vessel, this cup, to get the wine of communion into the mouths of His people on Sunday. What a an awesome privilege and tremendous joy to be a cup in God's hand and for His purposes. I am humbled and thrilled that He would use me. When I preach I feel His pleasure. It was also so sweet and kind of Him to allow me to see some of the fruit. I feel like that was a personal touch, a little side gift, to me in this. He is so good.
This weekend I believe I was used by God. I say this with some trepidation, but I believe it to be true, not because I feel a particular way, but because of the reactions of others. I was given the opportunity to preach on Sunday at a church. The pastor was traveling and they invited me to fill the pulpit. To be honest, I'm in the middle of a bunch of stuff right now, and I didn't really want to do it, but they asked and I felt compelled to say "yes". So, over the last few weeks I have been praying, studying, and preparing. Then, on Sunday I got to preach.
After the service and even into this week people have been contacting me to let me know how God spoke to them particularly through the sermon. It is not uncommon to get the occasional, "Good sermon pastor!" kind of comments from people, but these are different. One man called me and told me how his heart was touched and his life will forever be different in some very practical ways because of decisions he made in response the sermon. I have been preaching for a long time and rarely, if ever, have I seen this kind of response.
I don't think it is because I was better prepared, had a snappier outline, or better alliterations. I don't think it had to do with me much at all. As I have been reflecting on this, I think my role is like a cup. When you are drinking something, you rarely think about the cup. The size, shape, color, or design of the cup make little if any difference. The cup is not the point, the beverage is the point. The cup is not insignificant, it is useful and necessary to the process, but it is a means and not the end. Imagine going to a fine restaurant and ordering a really nice glass of wine. As you enjoy the wine, you won't really be thinking about the glass. The wine is what you enjoy, the cup is merely the utensil to get the wine into your mouth.
For whatever reason, God chose to use this vessel, this cup, to get the wine of communion into the mouths of His people on Sunday. What a an awesome privilege and tremendous joy to be a cup in God's hand and for His purposes. I am humbled and thrilled that He would use me. When I preach I feel His pleasure. It was also so sweet and kind of Him to allow me to see some of the fruit. I feel like that was a personal touch, a little side gift, to me in this. He is so good.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Technique and Methodology
I find myself wondering about our fascination with technique and methodology this morning. It seems that every problem from a difficult marriage to church planting among the unreached has been, or is being, reduced to technique. The reason that your marriage isn't going well is that you haven't discovered or applied the "5 secrets of a happy marriage". The reason that your sex life isn't satisfying or intimate is that you haven't read the most recent issue of Cosmopolitan or Men's Health to discover the "6 steps to sexual satisfaction". The reason that the billions of unreached people haven't embraced Christ is that we've been doing it wrong all these years and this NEW and IMPROVED method of evangelism and church planting will do the trick; just buy this book and follow these "10 principles to lead Muslims to Jesus".
Is it all really that simple? Can our relationships be reduced to arithmetic and formulas? Can the interactions between souls, human or divine, be quantified and mechanized? Can we study ourselves into love, can we strategize ourselves into intimacy? Do we really believe that we are so far superior to those who have gone before us? Do we really believe that we have finally found the method(s) that will solve our problems? Or perhaps there is something else going on here. Perhaps this is all just a way of creating or sustaining the illusion of control.
If the answers to perennial problems, spiritual or relational, can be reduced to techniques or formulas then if we learn the right methods we will be in control of the outcomes. All we have to do is learn the right parenting techniques and our kids will be healthy and happy, the right marriage techniques and we'll have a problem free marriage. But all of this misses the point. We are not in control. We were never designed to be in control. We are not the Controller, the Creator and the Sustainer of the Universe. God is. We are invited to walk with Him and to talk with Him. We are invited to work alongside Him.
The emphasis on method and formulas flows from the Enlightenment. This period of history gave us modern science and the scientific method. I am grateful for science and all that we have today as a result of the pursuit of understanding how the universe works. I could not right this blog if someone had not figured out how to push electrons around. My point is not that techniques and methods are bad, but that they are limited. When we are dealing with material objects they are extremely useful, but we have allowed this way of thinking to creep into our thinking about all aspects of our lives.
Science is great as a far as science can go, but science alone cannot answer the really important questions: Where did we come from? Why are we here? What is the point of all this? Science is helpful for understanding and manipulating the physical world, but there are other realities, more important ones. We are not just chemicals and reactions. We are souls. After all you can't put love in a test tube, and you can't quantify a snuggle with your kids. When we try to reduce our interactions with each other and God down to technique, we dehumanize those that we are using our methods on. We treat them as objects in our experiment rather than human souls to be interacted with, or in the case of God, a divine soul to be pursued, loved, and known.
In our pursuit of technical perfection we miss real relationship. We miss real intimacy. We miss real love. We miss the the real heart of the matter.
Is it all really that simple? Can our relationships be reduced to arithmetic and formulas? Can the interactions between souls, human or divine, be quantified and mechanized? Can we study ourselves into love, can we strategize ourselves into intimacy? Do we really believe that we are so far superior to those who have gone before us? Do we really believe that we have finally found the method(s) that will solve our problems? Or perhaps there is something else going on here. Perhaps this is all just a way of creating or sustaining the illusion of control.
If the answers to perennial problems, spiritual or relational, can be reduced to techniques or formulas then if we learn the right methods we will be in control of the outcomes. All we have to do is learn the right parenting techniques and our kids will be healthy and happy, the right marriage techniques and we'll have a problem free marriage. But all of this misses the point. We are not in control. We were never designed to be in control. We are not the Controller, the Creator and the Sustainer of the Universe. God is. We are invited to walk with Him and to talk with Him. We are invited to work alongside Him.
The emphasis on method and formulas flows from the Enlightenment. This period of history gave us modern science and the scientific method. I am grateful for science and all that we have today as a result of the pursuit of understanding how the universe works. I could not right this blog if someone had not figured out how to push electrons around. My point is not that techniques and methods are bad, but that they are limited. When we are dealing with material objects they are extremely useful, but we have allowed this way of thinking to creep into our thinking about all aspects of our lives.
Science is great as a far as science can go, but science alone cannot answer the really important questions: Where did we come from? Why are we here? What is the point of all this? Science is helpful for understanding and manipulating the physical world, but there are other realities, more important ones. We are not just chemicals and reactions. We are souls. After all you can't put love in a test tube, and you can't quantify a snuggle with your kids. When we try to reduce our interactions with each other and God down to technique, we dehumanize those that we are using our methods on. We treat them as objects in our experiment rather than human souls to be interacted with, or in the case of God, a divine soul to be pursued, loved, and known.
In our pursuit of technical perfection we miss real relationship. We miss real intimacy. We miss real love. We miss the the real heart of the matter.
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