Freedom or the Chain

Our family loves our dog. We have so much fun with her. The kids love to play with her in the garden and to wrestle and cuddle her in the house. She is well fed and well loved. We have let her know that she is a welcomed and loved addition to our family. We have "treat trained" her from the beginning. She has learned that we are the givers of all good things. She knows that the result of obedience is a treat, praise, and love. She knows that we are where she wants to be. She has demonstrated her desire to be close to us. Often, when the gate has been left open accidentally, even over night, she has refused to wander. We have even seen people outside of the gate call her and her refuse to leave the property.

So what is up with my dog these days?! She has run off 10 times in the last 12 days! Sometimes twice a day. When she first started the new behaviour, I did some research to see what could be driving it. She has been "fixed" and so she can't be wandering to find a mate. She is not unloved or failed to bond with our family. She is not neglected and is far from under fed. So, what is it that seems to compel her to disobey?

We have given more attention and have tried all the training tricks we know, our friends know, or we have been able to glean from the internet. Nothing has worked. So we have had to resort to the the chain. Only the chain will keep her from running off at a moments notice. We don't want to chain her. We want her to have the run of the garden as she has for the last 18 months. We enjoy the fluidity of the relationship when she comes in and out of the house and can freely roam about the property with us.

She has now lost the freedom found in a caring relationship because she has refused to accept the loving parameters. She has chosen the chain through her behaviour.

Yesterday, I was out in the garden with her. I was hanging laundry and "giving her lots of fuss" as the British say. I played fetch with her and gave her treats. I had her off the chain and we were having fun together. I went into the house to grab a bite to eat and check on the next load of laundry. 3 minutes later the phone rang. Someone was calling from their mobile phone to let me know they had my dog. They happened to be walking by and had caught her less than 50 feet from our house. She had just been experiencing all the best parts about life with our family, and had chosen to run off as soon as my back was turned. Crazy!

Then I remember my last week.

My wife left for a week of ministry in Asia a week ago Saturday. I had purposed with a friend whose wife was also going to be travelling to the event, that we would make good use of the time with our kids and our God while our wives were away. We agreed that we would have extra uninterrupted time in the evenings for solitude and silence with God. We would have more time to spend focused uninterrupted time with Him.  I as looking forward to the week for the special times with my kids and my God.

I had a great week with the kids. Although they were under the weather for much of the week, we had many special times together and made some neat memories together.

My week with God started out well. I had a wonderful extended time with Him on Sunday afternoon. Then, I flipped on the TV in the evening. It's not that I watched anything bad on TV, but I was just channel surfing. I watch 15 minutes of this and 30 minutes of that. I watched nothing at all but I watched it until 2AM.

My week was an odd sort of wandering. I had some really sweet times with God, seeing Him throughout my day, praying for my wife, talking with some friends. But each evening I would forget the sweetness of fellowship and simply go wandering on the TV, through the internet, just wandering. Looking for I don't know what. I just went wandering into the wee hours of the morning.

God is the giver of all good things, and I experienced this last week, but I also experienced the wandering. I am so grateful that He protected me. I could have been wounded on my late night wanderings. There certainly is a lot of crap, a lot of dangerous stuff for my soul that I could have pursued. Even when I stumbled across it, He gave me the insight and the power to turn away. But, I should not have been lingering in those dangerous places.

Why did I wander? I don't know all the answers. I think part of it was loneliness. I was missing the interactions with my wife, but instead of turning to my ever present Friend and Confidant, I filled the lonely place with noise and information that does not satisfy. There were moments of such sweet fellowship with God throughout the week, but there was also so much mindless wandering!

I don't want to wander. Neither do I want to be like my stubbornly rebellious dog who refuses to be trained. I don't want to be chained. I have experienced the slavery of addiction as well as the chain of the law. The law can help to harness, but it cannot bring true freedom.

True freedom is fount in trust and birthed through relationship. If I will learn to trust that the parameters the Father has given me come from love, if I will learn to heed His still small voice, I will find the freedom that comes from submission to my Good God. I am finding it, bit by bit, one day at a time.

Just One More

I just got back from a long walk through the country side, across the cliff tops, and along the beach. I am pondering some of the things that I learned along the way. There is probably more than can be reasonably put into one blog... So I'll start with this: I always need to do just one more thing.

Today, I walked farther than I intended. The thing about walking is that the farther you go, the longer it will take to get back. Every step forward to see what is around the next point or over the next hill, is a step you will have travel again on the way back. As my curiosity carried me farther and farther from home, I  learned (again) that I have a hard time stopping. I set out with a specific goal in mind, a castle on the coast that is just a little farther than I usually walk. An hour later, as I drew near to the castle, I was eyeing the point on the coast beyond the castle. As I rounded that point, I saw an interesting rock formation calling out for investigation and another point beyond that. I just kept going.

In our family, we joke about my proclivity for more. We say, "If 1 is good then 2 is better. If 2 is good then 3 is outstanding. If 3 is good then 4 is tremendous." I remember one of the earliest commercials for MTV featured Billy Idol saying, "Too much is never enough!" I probably remember that ad because it so captures my approach to life.

I saw it again today. I went farther than I should have and so other things I needed to do were left undone. Nothing major, but it was another reminder of the difference between my intentions and my actions.

Today on the quietness of the deserted beach I found myself wondering about why I do this. Why do I always want to see what is around the next point? Why do I always want to do one last email? Why do I always want to play one more turn of a game, read one more chapter, watch one more episode of a sitcom, or watch one more movie? I am so grateful that the "more" things are not as damaging as the things that I once hungered for, but what is up with my seemingly insatiable desire for "just one more"?

Silence

Last night I watched a movie with my wife, "A River Runs Through It".  Afterwards, she was tired and went to bed while I sat on the couch reflecting on the themes of the movie.  After a while, she called down and asked me what I was doing.  I responded, "Nothing.  Just sitting here."  It struck me as a little odd.  I wasn't really doing "nothing".  I was reflecting.  I was thinking.

Another piece to the story is that after the movie was over, and before my wife called down, I turned off the DVD player and the TV popped back to regular programming.  A movie was on that I didn't recognize.  Even though I was enjoying the silence and wanted to continue to reflect I was immediately drawn in.  My curiosity was piqued.  It was a few minutes before I realized that I was losing the thoughts, the reflections, and the rest, that I had been entering into just moments before.  It was a real struggle to choose silence with interesting noise so readily available. 

I am so addicted to noise and activity!  I feel strange sitting still.  I know that it is in stillness and silence that I get in tune with my soul and with my God.  So, why do I feel almost guilty when I am doing nothing?  I am nearly always doing something, many times attempting to do multiple things simultaneously.  Busy-ness is familiar and comfortable.  If I find myself between tasks I feel somewhat uneasy and I start to immediately search for the next thing to do; the next activity to engage in, the next media to consume, the next problem to solve.  The problem is that noise is constantly available and even intrudes on our lives unbidden.  The hard part is to choose silence.  Silence seems unnatural.  It is hard to find or create silence, but it is necessary. It is worth pursuing.