Wandering

She bounds over the stile and is off like a rocket.

I climb to the top and watch with joy as she enjoys the field stretched out before us.

My dog, Oreo, is not supposed to go into the fields without me. She knows she is supposed to wait at the bottom of the stile as I go ahead. I have trained her with many treats to wait for me to go first. Sometimes the fields are full of cows and they don't respond with joy when she goes rushing in among them. The horses don't care much for her exuberance either.

So, I go first to make sure that it is safe, then I release her with a quick "okay" and she flings herself into the freedom of the fields with reckless abandon. She races here and there investigating everything and simply enjoying the freedom the fields bring. She can run hundreds of meters in virtually any direction. No leash, no fences, no limitations to her curiosity, just the distant hedges marking the edge of her temporary paradise.

I love seeing her free. I love her just being herself. Running. Sniffing. Rolling. Leaping. Romping. It makes me smile to see her just being a happy dog. She comes back to check in every few minutes, and when she does she gets another treat.

We both look forward to our walks.

As we reach the bottom of the first field, I call her to me intending for her come, sit, and receive a treat while I go over the stile first. She pauses, looking back at me over her shoulder, but doesn't come back.

Instead...She bounds over the stile and is off like a rocket.

This time I'm not smiling as I hurry to the stile, whistling and calling her. As I peer over I see her off in the distance leaping over yet another stile. She's not paying any attention. She's no longer even trying to obey.  She doesn't care about the treats. She is just gone.

As I hurry through the mud to close the distance between us, I see her cross into yet another field. A field where I know there are horses. Having seen her get kicked in the head once by a cow, I'm not eager to see her confronted by the horses.

I have now broken into a run and am yelling her name, not that she can hear me as she is easily 300 meters away and has disappeared over a hill in the adjacent field.

I continue running after her, concerned that she may get hurt, and wondering why oh why she would run away like this. We always have such a good time together! She has never run off like this before. It's not uncommon for her to go over a stile, but to run away entirely is a brand new behaviour.

As I go through yet another stile I come across some friends who have seen her. They point me in another direction; which is helpful as I no longer have any idea where she is headed or what she is doing. What has gotten in to her?!

Finally, I catch up with her and find her walking with another friend and his dog. I call out, and my friend and his dog turn and start toward me. Not my dog. Not Oreo.

No...Oreo, seems to have developed selective hearing. She doesn't even turn around. Then, she lies down and refuses to come to me. As I approach, she starts to squirm into the submissive position. She knows that she has run off, and she knows that nothing good will come of it. She has been away from me for at least 20 minutes while I ran through the fields pursuing her.

I put her on the lead and start for home, fuming!

What had started out as a wonderful shared experience was ruined for both of us because she decided to ignore me and run off. She doesn't understand or recognize the dangers, and even though she didn't get hurt this time, the dangers were very real. She knew there was freedom, joy, and treats with me, but she caught the sent of something she wanted more and was gone. She didn't care what I wanted. The end result was that she ended up on the lead and I ended up angry and late for a meeting. Neither one of us enjoyed the walk back.

But it was on the way back that God unfolded the parable to me.

As I fumed about the dog and grumbled under my breath about her behaviour, He gently called my attention to the previous evening.

I had heard his invitation the previous evening, but had run off. I felt His invitation to sit at His feet, open His Word, and spend some time together, but I didn't want to. I just wanted to play a silly computer game. I had worked hard and felt entitled to my own time, to do my own thing, so that is what I did. I ran off and did my own thing. I felt the tug several more times over the next couple of hours as I played  my game, but kept ignoring His promptings, pretending not to hear and running off again. Finally, at 4AM I collapsed into bed exhausted and dissatisfied.

The funny thing is that I really enjoy my times with Him. My times with Him refresh my soul and stimulate my mind. I am more myself and more full of love and joy, peace and patience, during and after my times with Him. When we do life together, it's great! It is much better on every level than a computer game, but in a fit of sheer madness it somehow seemed like a good idea to run from my all loving Father.

By the time we made it home I was truly repentant and grateful for my Master. I can't say Oreo felt the same. I can tell you that she was ready and raring to go on a walk again the next day. I can also tell you that she hasn't run off since. Our relationship is restored and full of joy and freedom again. And my relationship with the dog isn't bad either.

Becoming Who I Am

Have you ever wondered who you are? Have you ever wondered about your real identity, the part of you that is deeper than your profession, your education, your culture, or your family of origin? Who are you at your core?

I had two dreams the other night. Not the kind of dreams that simply rehash the day's events. These dreams had a different quality to them. They felt different even in the midst of them, and they felt very different as I awoke and pondered on them. They have stayed with me for days now and the more I reflect on them, the more convinced I am that they were God dreams. 

The first dream was a long-forgotten incident from my past. A formative experience that gave me one of the labels that has hindered me in my process of becoming. I awoke from the dream wondering about it and was moved to prayer. I asked God about the significance of the event and why it came up at this time. I received no answer.

After falling back to sleep, I immediately had another dream. In this dream I was taking in immense power but was afraid to release the power. I was filled with incredible power by God, but didn't know what to do with it or how to use it in a way that wouldn't ultimately damage myself or others. Again, I awoke and turned to the Lord in prayer, asking for His guidance and interpretation.

It was then that He met me. 

As I prayed I was filled with a sense of His presence and power. I was moved as I felt Him confirming that the vision in the second dream was me. The first dream revealed the source of pain and the genesis of a lie that has bound me for years. The truth is that God has filled me with immense power, but my fears and insecurities keep this power from being expressed for His Kingdom. At first I was hesitant to accept this as true because it seemed self-aggrandizing.

As I spoke this out to the Lord, I suddenly realized that it is not. To recognize this truth about myself is to acknowledge that all of God's kids are similarly powerful. Our power, our gifts, are all different, but we are all uniquely created by Him and invested with tremendous power, the same power that raised Christ Jesus from the dead. All of God's kids are immensely powerful, we are partakers of the divine nature! 

But we are all living as less than we really are. We have been beaten down or tricked into believing that we are less than we are. We have been imprisoned by the lies we have believed about ourselves. The lies we drank down with our mother's milk. The lies specifically designed to keep us from realizing who we really are and becoming the powerful ministers we were designed to be.

As I lay there on my bed, wrestling with all of this, I felt like I was waking up for the first time, as if scales were falling from my eyes. I was beginning to grasp a new vision of myself, and all of God's children, through the eyes of God. I also saw all of the hurtful experiences falling into a pattern, a well designed scheme to ensnare and enslave me; experiences tailored to re-enforce the lies that kept me bound for years.

In my case, I believed that I was an embarrassment, not to be trusted, I was dangerous, and I was a failure. These lies have hindered me and kept me from seeing God as He really is and myself as I really am, and as I could be.

What are the lies keeping you from becoming who you are?

An Eternal Kind of Life

One of the amazing and little experienced truths Jesus taught is this: He came to give us the abundant life.

It sounds pretty straight forward, but we rarely touch this true life, this eternal kind of life. We often settle for something less than true fellowship with the Spirit, true intimacy with the Father, true identification with the Son. We settle for the humdrum life of this world when infinitely more is offered to us.

Even in Christian circles we redefine the abundant life as something less than it really is. We make it roughly synonymous with the American Dream. We make it about relational harmony or financial security, or access to modern conveniences and creature comforts. The eternal kind of life is much deeper than just these superficial aspects of our lives.

Jesus gives us a glimpse of it when he invited all who are thirsty to come to Him and drink, and then issued the audacious promise that, if we do, the Holy Spirit will bubble up within us and flow out of us. We will be filled to overflowing with the power and presence of God. He said that we would do even greater things than He did.

Is that your experience?

It is rarely mine, but I have tasted it. I tasted it again on my last trip to Asia. I felt God's presence and was privileged to partner with Him. I watched in awe as He revealed Himself too me and then through me to others. I literally saw supernatural miracles happen. I lived for 10 days in the awareness of His presence and power.

Then I got on a plane and flew home. I feared that this trip would be an anomaly and that I had no choice but to return to my normal life. But the real beauty of this trip is that He has come home with me. He has continued to meet with me and to speak to me. He has continued to partner with me and has encouraged me to keep living like this.

So, I am choosing to cultivate the lifestyle that I had on the trip. Less extraneous noise. More time spent intentionally seeking Him. Recognizing my fears and insecurities that keep me from willingly submitting all to Him, and humbly laying these too at His feet.

I am finding that the "mountain top" isn't a place you go, but a presence you cultivate.

I have caught myself returning to old patterns of thinking and asking. I have been distracted by the inane and mundane that calls itself news. I have allowed myself to lose focus and live again as if this world is all there is. I have been drawn to escape or to binge, but my brief forays into the mundane leave me wondering. Why in the world would I choose that when so much more is available to me?

Why do we?