Letting the Paradox Stand

God is sovereign and He is good. He is in control of all things and yet there is so much in scripture that speaks to human responsibility. I don’t know how to reconcile these two truths. If God is sovereign then how can we be truly free? If God is orchestrating world events, and to a great extent world events are shaped by the choices that humans make as individuals and as groups, then isn’t the freedom of the will simply an illusion? We only appear to be free to make decisions, but in fact our decisions are predestined by God.

If that is true, then how are we responsible for the decisions that we make? Our decisions are influenced by innumerable factors both external and internal, and if God is the one orchestrating these factors then he is controlling us in ways that are too subtle for us to understand. This would make God a masterful manipulator, but where is the righteousness and honor in that.

On the other hand, scripture clearly assumes that each person is in fact free to choose the path that they take. There are blessings for those who choose God’s path and curses for those who do not. Often, the prophets and apostles lay before the people two options and ask people to choose between life and death. Is this all just a shell game, a con where we are asked to choose the cup with the ball beneath, when in fact there is no real choice? No matter what we choose we either win or lose at the will of the one running the game. Some he chooses to win, while others he chooses as the perennial losers.

No, this can’t be it either. Why even include the book of proverbs in the canon if there are no real choices, if wisdom makes no difference? No, I must take God at His word and believe that I really will reap what I sow and that I have full responsibility for the seed that I sow. I sow where I will but I will also reap the consequences, good or evil, for my choices. So, here I find another paradox that I cannot resolve without discarding or disregarding one portion of scripture for another.

Humans are troubled by paradox. We need equilibrium. We need to know the answer, to resolve the tension. Here in lies one of our tragic flaws. We are driven to create systems that explain away the problems and the paradoxes. We ponder and deliberate and tighten our systems down until even the truth is squeezed out, or at least one part of the truth is squeezed out in favor of another more palatable part. Of course our palates are different and so we create systems or gravitate toward previously created systems that resonate with us and then we argue with each other about the systems and use scripture to make our case. Historically, we have even done violence to each other in defense of our “biblical” positions. This flies in the face of a clear teaching of Christ, that they will know us by our love and unity.

Is not all of this also a factor of our pride? In the garden our desire to know good and evil made us susceptible to the Serpent’s lies. We decided that we knew best about what we needed to know and when. So, we sinned, and we have kept on sinning by setting ourselves up as the arbiter of truth. It is not wrong to desire knowledge or to pursue truth, but it is wrong to insist on knowledge and on the timing of revelation. Our position as creatures demands that we submit ourselves to God and trust Him to share with us the things that we are prepared to receive. There is a progression to revelation; only He knows what we need to know and when. We must let the paradoxes stand and let them drive us to Him rather than away from Him in search of knowledge apart from Him.

Suffering and Sovereignty

I find myself struggling with reconciling the goodness with God with the news. I read scripture and I see that God is good and that He is worthy of praise of Trust. He is the anchor of our souls and our only hope. The central message of scripture seems to be that He is and that He can be trusted. But how do I reconcile that with the constant barrage of tragedy and evil that comes through the news. A constant stream of evil and the resulting suffering in almost mind numbing variety flow from every news outlet.

God’s children are not immune from these things. God’s own children are victimized by evil men along with others in their communities. They are subject to extortion, racism and other systemic evils as well as those more personal but no less invasive attacks against their person or property. They have traffic accidents and get cancer. They are stolen from and burglarized. They are molested and raped. They are mugged, beaten and murdered. So where is the ever watchful eye of God the Father caring for His children when these things are happening?

I know that some sacrifice His sovereignty for His goodness. But I don’t see how that solves the problem. How can we make him more worthy of praise by diminishing his power and ability? How can we feel better about Him by ignoring, or doing violence to, the revelation of Himself through the scriptures? No, that can’t be the answer. He must be sovereign because He says He is, and because if He isn’t then He isn’t worthy of our worship. If Yahweh isn’t in control then I am worshiping the wrong deity.

It is true that my life has been a good one. I have had very little suffering up to this point, and I am truly grateful for that. I can see His goodness and care in so many aspects of my life and I am humbled and grateful. What I am struggling with is how to trust a God who isn’t tame. I am realizing how much of my theology has been built on my relatively pleasant experience. It’s easy in the comfort of my home, surrounded by those I love, to believe that God is good and sovereign. The hard part is that there really are no guarantees. I want to know what I can do to be secure, to make sure that my kids have a good life, a comfortable life. How can I protect my kids? How can I trust a God who doesn’t promise to protect my kids?

I was taught and believed that if I did the right things and applied biblical principles to my life and parenting that everything would turn out in a predictable and pleasant. The longer I live the more I see that life doesn’t work that way. It isn’t enough for me to practice principles and wait for the desired results. Wash, rinse, and repeat and you will have bouncing and behaving hair. But what if the product doesn’t perform as advertised; with biblical principles results may vary! The frustrating fact is that we are not in control, and the One who is in control doesn’t promise that our lives will turn out as we want them to if we just follow his 10 step plan.

So, if God doesn’t promise to give me what I want, why follow Him at all? I find myself with Peter responding, “Where else can we go Lord, who else has the words of eternal life?” I think that the secret must lie in the eternal life. God knows the end from the beginning. He knows what is best for us, for our children, for the world and everyone in it. He knows what He is doing, and it is far too complicated for us to understand. If this world were all that there was, I might well conclude that it is not worth it to follow Christ. Those who follow him often suffer in this world, my own experience and that of many Western Christians not withstanding.

So, I find myself standing on the promise that He is both good and sovereign. He must make it all right in the end. It’s just that I can see neither the beginning nor the end from where I am standing; thus the need for humility and faith, the twin pillars of my trust in Him.

Humility and Trust

Humility is the right relationship of creature to creator. Pride has warped our understanding of ourselves, others, and God. I still have SO much to learn about humility, and even more work ahead to grasp humility in my own heart and life, and yet I feel like I can see glimpses of the enormous importance of this, the root of all true virtues. I see how pride undermines trust. I can see how pride is the root of all evil and the opposite of faith. I always thought that unbelief was the opposite of faith, but now I see it differently. Faith is not just belief in the abstract, it is trust. The opposite of trust is pride. To trust someone is to surrender my good, my judgment to another. I see my children growing up, and while there are many joys along the way, I realize now that I am watching trust die before my eyes.

When my children were babies, they had no idea what was going on. They were utterly and completely dependent on my wife and I to care for them. We fed them, changed their diapers, and kept them safe. As they grew older we could enjoy more of the benefits of our investment in their lives. We could have more fellowship with them as they were able to understand more and to interact with us more intentionally. I can’t really capture the joy that filled my heart the other day when I asked my son what he wanted to do or where he wanted to go on a recent Saturday morning. I told him that he could choose anywhere and anything within reason. He paused to consider his options and with no guile or calculation he responded, “Dad, I just want to be where you are.” That is the cry of the heart of each of us for our heavenly father.

Moments like that are precious and they reveal much. Just as revealing is my son’s response when I tell him to stop playing with his favorite toy and to get dressed and ready for school. He is shocked that I would dare to prevent him from continuing to indulge in his pleasurable pursuit. He argues and sulks and generally lets me know that I can not possibly have his interests at heart, because it is obvious that if I did, then I would let him have his way. He has replaced trust with pride. He has decided that He is the arbiter of Truth and Goodness. He has ceased to trust me to know and do what is best for him. He no longer unquestionably accepts the things I do for him as good. Now he thinks that he knows what would be best for him, or at least what he would prefer. The problem is that he does not actually know what is good because his perspective is so limited.

It is sad for me to watch the blissfulness of early childhood slip away. The trust is being replaced by fear. The implicit belief that my wife and I are good and that we love him is gradually being stripped away and exchanged for the feeling that if he doesn’t look out for himself then he won’t get what he wants. He is starting to feel like he has to insist on his rights, his desires, and if he doesn’t get what he wants than he is somehow missing out or being cheated. His desires are being thwarted, and it is his desires, his perspective that are right. He knows in his heart that he is right and that anyone, even those who lovingly created him and care for him still, who would keep him from what he wants must be wrong and can’t be trusted.

The faith of a child is being replaced by the fear that is bred by pride. Pride is the belief that I am right. I am central. I am the one at the center of the universe. I think therefore I am. I am the existent one and all things revolve around me. God is good to the extent that he responds to me in the way that I believe he ought to. God is trustworthy to the degree that he keeps me safe and comfortable and comes through for me when I need him, or gives me what I want.

This is the foundational problem. Most of my faith struggles come down to this. How can I trust God with my children when I don’t know that God will keep them safe? The answer is that God never promised to keep them safe. How can I trust God when there is so much suffering? How can I trust God when I am suffering? If God doesn’t prevent suffering or injustice what good is He? How good is he? But our questions are wrong. They are all self-serving and self-referential. God is good because it is His nature. He promises to work even the pain and suffering together for my good and the good of all His children and, more importantly, for His glory. He is the central character in the story. It’s all about Him, not about me. When I switch that around I have started to kill my faith. I lack the perspective, the knowledge, the wisdom to know what is good for me or for others. I have to humbly trust.