The Paradox of Freedom

Freedom. I hear this word a lot in the news these days. It is the reason cited for all kinds of actions by all kinds of people from presidents to Palestinians, from perverts to Prime Ministers. Everybody wants freedom and everyone seems to be defining freedom according to their own desires. What is freedom? Is it simply the right to do whatever you want? That seems to be the common American definition. “I can do whatever I want!” is the cry of Western freedom. The problem with defining freedom that way is that what I “want” may or may not be good for me or for others. The pursuit of what I “want” may in fact lead me into slavery. Choices have consequences. We will reap what we sow. Is freedom the right to do whatever I want?

The World and my flesh agree that freedom is to do whatever you feel like doing, but that path leads only to death and destruction. The problem is that my desires are warped. To give into my base desires will prevent my soul from taking flight. I would be mired in addictions and selfishness. Where is the freedom in that?

There are so many lies that taste so good in our mouths. They look so sweet and satisfying; they are sweet on the tongue, but sour in the stomach. More than that, the more you eat these sweet lies, the more you want. The hunger grows in intensity the more you strive to satiate it. True food for the soul is sweet and satisfying. True food is to do the will of the Father, not out of guilt or compulsion, but out of trust. True intimacy and love leads to satisfaction and security. The false, the counterfeit, can be clearly recognized by the results it produces in the lives of those who strive after it. Ever hungry, ever dissatisfied, their striving never ceases as they continue to glut themselves on the very thing that drives their appetites to new heights.

My mind and body have been trained to think and respond to the world in ways that are self-centered and often delusional. The fact is that I do not rightly perceive the reality around me. I am like a man boldly striding through the fog; claiming to see, I am unaware of the perils or the blessings that surround me. As I wander through the fog I run into others. They encourage me that we are heading the right direction; blind guides leading the blind. My only real hope is to recognize and embrace the reality of my blindness and to trust in God as my friend and only reliable guide. He knows what is true and He knows the right path. He promises to lead me on the right path if I will trust in Him.

The paradox of freedom is that the experience of freedom that our hearts long for is only found through humble submission. When I sow obedience I reap freedom. True freedom is to trust God and to walk in His ways.

Freedom is both a choice and an experience. Most often the “struggle for freedom” is directed toward the external world, but I find that my struggle is more internal. I am struggling to find freedom from internal forces, compulsions, urges from my flesh. The other day I experienced freedom from compulsion through most of the day. I went through the day without experiencing the urge to do something that would lead me back into slavery. Then, later in the evening I felt the urge to sin rising in me. I had to choose to resist. The choice to stay in the light when the darkness beckons doesn’t feel like freedom. It is a difficult struggle. But it is the choice that makes the experience of freedom possible.

I reject the false freedom that the World strives after and holds out as the highest goal. I choose to trust and serve the Almighty God and to follow Him. Taste and see that He is good and satisfying. All His ways are good and true freedom is found in His service.

Being Forgotten

I was reading Matthew 10 this morning and I found myself feeling bad for Thaddaeus. Almost all of the other disciples have a parenthetical comment after their names. Simon (also called Peter), Andrew (Peter’s brother), Matthew (the tax collector), even Judas Iscariot (who later betrayed him) got a line. But Thaddaeus is just Thaddaeus. I am sure that I have read his name before, but he is one of the forgettable apostles. Obviously, Thaddaeus didn’t know that he would get no additional commentary when the gospels were written years later. He didn’t know that Peter would be looked upon as the “rock” of apostolic succession in Rome. I am pretty sure that it wouldn’t even bother him if he did know. So, why does it bother me?

I think it bothers me because I don’t want to be a forgotten part of the story. I want notes next to my name. I want people to know that I existed and that I was important. I know that this is sick and wrong and the story is about Jesus not Thaddaeus or me. But there is something in me that desperately desires to be known. Maybe it is because of my love for history. I don’t know where it comes from, but I know that I desire to be a part of the history books when I am gone. I want books written about me. I don’t want to be unmentioned and forgotten. At least Goliath got billing, but what about all the others who died in battle without their names ever being known or mentioned. What about their stories?

Why is it when I read the scriptures I see myself as Peter, or David, or Paul, but not as one of the unnamed characters? What if God doesn’t want anyone to know my name? I can pray with John the Baptist that He may increase and that I may decrease, but I want to do this from a place of status. I just read a book that talked about “self-addiction” and I realize that this is how my addiction to my self plays out. I want glory, fame and renown, not just for now, but for all times. I want history to record my life and passing as something significant. I want to be a main part of the story; not to go unmentioned, or to be a footnote. I want a chapter written about me! Why is it then that God calls me to labor in obscurity; for all the things that I have done and been a part of doing to be chalked up to someone else’s column? I don’t think I would mind so much if all the glory went to God, but when the glory goes to someone else, it galls me. I want to shout, “Hey! I was there too!! It was actually my idea!! He didn’t do it by himself! Can I get an honorable mention, just a parenthetical statement would be fine!?”

The truth is that my sadness for Thaddaeus reveals my own mixed and twisted motives. It’s true that I am serving the Lord and (by and large) obeying Him and doing the things He has asked me to do, but in my heart I want people to notice and to be impressed. It is base and wicked, but it is true. I want people to see me and to be impressed with me. I tell myself that I will give all the glory to God when He elevates me, but I am pretty sure that I would want to steal just a bit for myself and surreptitiously hide it away. I would cut out the press clipping and pull it out from time to time to reassure myself that I am important “because it says so right here”. I once read in Christianity Today about the 100 up and coming Christian leaders of my generation. I was actually personally acquainted with a few of them, but I secretly wanted my name to make the list. A part of me couldn’t believe that they didn’t call me for a comment of a picture.

I am so grateful that God loves me. He knows my twisted heart and He loves me anyway. He still chooses to use me, and to use others with similarly twisted motives. I guess He doesn’t have a lot to choose from as we are a pretty messed up group. I pray that He will have mercy on me and that He will change my heart. Lord Jesus have mercy on me a sinner! I know that I have no hope for the salvation of my soul apart from you and that my heart is still desperately wicked and beyond knowing. By you know me and you love me. That gives me hope.

God Redeems

In Exodus 6:9-13 we find an interesting vignette that provides a window into the way that God works with man in the process of redemption. God used the burning bush to get Moses’ attention and chose Moses to do this incredibly intimidating and dangerous thing. He told Him to go back to Egypt to set His people free. Moses raised a number of objections, but God countered them all. God even warned Moses ahead of time that Pharaoh would refuse and that things would get worse before they got better, but that in the end the Israelites would “pillage the Egyptians” when they were finally released to leave. So, Moses obeyed and headed back to Egypt. Aaron met him along the way, and together they showed the Israelites the powerful signs that God had shown them. Everything seemed to be going well. Then Moses and Aaron approached Pharaoh for the first time only to be rebuffed by him, resulting in more work for their Hebrew brothers and sisters. The leaders of the Israelites immediately turn on Moses and Aaron and Moses cries out to God. The Lord responded by reminding Moses about what and why He was moving things forward in this way and commands Moses to explain these things to the Israelites.

So Moses told the people what the LORD had said, but they wouldn’t listen anymore. They had become too discouraged by the increasing burden of their slavery.
Then the LORD said to Moses, “Go back to Pharaoh, and tell him to let the people of Israel leave Egypt.”
“But Lord!” Moses objected. “My own people won’t listen to me anymore. How can I expect Pharaoh to listen? I am no orator!”
But the LORD ordered Moses and Aaron to return to Pharaoh, king of Egypt, and to demand that he let the people of Israel leave Egypt. (NLT)

God had a plan and Moses had a message! God told Moses to deliver His message of good news to those enslaved by an evil king. A king who neither knew nor feared the LORD God. The response of the king is not shocking, but the response of the people is disappointing. The people wouldn’t listen to the message or the messenger. From Moses’ perspective the response of the people was deeply discouraging and was apparently a major barrier to accomplishing the will of God; so much so that Moses returned to one of his original objections to being a messenger of God. But their failure to respond to opposition and oppression with faith did not derail God’s intent and plan to redeem them. God instructed Moses to push ahead. He would draw His people Israel out of Egypt and He would do it through the one who was drawn out of the river of Egypt. They would be saved not through their own agency any more than the baby Moses was in control of his salvation from the river.

God ordered Moses and Aaron to continue with the process of redemption even when those they were working to save wanted nothing to do with them. The work of redemption is not ultimately about the people. It is about the character and nature of God. God reminds Moses in the first part of chapter 6 that He is saving them because of the promise that He gave to their forefathers. God keeps His promises. That does not lessen His compassion for the people, but rather puts it in the proper context. He is moved to save them and He will save them even if they are unwilling or unable to cooperate in the process.

Notice that God does not do this work of redemption independent of man. He raised up men, Moses and Aaron, to be his messengers. He used them to take His message to both the ones being saved and the ones holding them captive. He gave them wonder working power to demonstrate His power to save. He has called us to be His servants, His messengers. He will accept no excuses from His servants, but will be with us and WILL REDEEM His children!